PX This.

Greatest Hits: PX This [The Blahg]

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This website is currently undergoing changes as it continually progresses, so the entry for which you are seeking has likely been archived within "The Greatest Hits – PX This [The Blahg]". It was removed from its original location in preparation for the upcoming release of PX This Too (The Sequel to PX This). If you would like more information and/or further clarification on this particular narrative, please read PX This – The Revised Edition and/or PX This Too (coming soon).

And so without further ado— by popular (search engine) demand, we proudly present THE GREATEST HITS of PX This [The Blahg]

"PX This Mercer Lobby Screaming"

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2005. 11:38AM

OMG, I got thrown out of the Mercer hotel yesterday aha ha ha ha ha ha.

Oh okay that’s not entirely true. Actually I left quietly of my own accord— because I am more than sufficiently aware that Lois Freedman (Director of Operations for Jean-Georges’s restaurants) doesn’t even have the fucking authority to kick me out of the Mercer hotel.

Yah so anyway, it was a real scene, oh you should have been there. The best part was when Lois Freedman started screaming at Marc Bagutta at the top of her lungs, "GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND OOOUT OF HEEERE! I’LL CALL THE COPPPS! IF JEAN-GEORGES WAS HERE, HE WOULD THROW HER OUTTT PERSSSONALLY!" I swear I thought her head was going to start spinning all around like that demonically possessed chick in that spooky exorcist movie.

And there were lots of other people (like Dean Winters, for example) sitting in the hotel lobby too, trying to quietly enjoy their wine and tea and whatnot, so they got some free entertainment. Oh I am sooo bummed I didn’t have any PX This business cards on me to pass around like "thank yooou, we’ll be here all week."

By the way, if you’re wondering why in the world Lois Freedman would suddenly just bust out with her best impersonation of Large Marge, the lady truckdriver in Peewee Herman’s Big Adventure— alls I can say is: hmm, beats me!

So then anyway, today Marc and I called AB Hotels corporate office trying to understand why we are supposedly "NOT WELCOME EVVVERRR!" And they were very surprised to hear the news and so sweet to us saying this is not the case at all since we are such good and frequent patrons of the Raleigh hotel in Miami (and plus cuz we’re so fabulous) that we are welcome "ANYTIME, ANYWHERE," they even offered to send us a written apology. Yay! (They also said something along the lines of "Lois who?" but oh never mind.)

Anyway, so that very same day after we’d left Mercer hotel, my pal "Bunny" Kim (who also used to work for Jean-Georges) and I strolled over to Cipriani Downtown to have some bellinis, because the poor thing needed a drink since she was so suddenly and unexpectedly subjected to Lois Freedman’s freaky ballistic apeshit episode–
and hee ehee it was great, when we recounted to everybody what just occurred in the Mercer hotel lobby, they were so amused and felt so sorry for us they comped our drinks and sent an entire meal from the kitchen too.

Then afterward since we were in the area, we decided to pop into Kittichai around the corner.
And it was great, it just so happens Dwayne Collins, who also used to work with us for Jean-Georges, is now the general manager of Kittichai. So when we recounted to everybody what just occurred in the Mercer hotel lobby, they were so amused and felt so sorry for us they comped our drinks and sent an entire meal from the kitchen too.

And right then chef Cedric Tovar happened to walk in, and it was great, when we recounted to him what just occurred in the Mercer hotel lobby, he was so amused and felt so sorry for us he invited us over to Django (so he could comp our drinks and send an entire meal from the kitchen too).
Geezus if we had kept going, we probably could have eaten for free all week long all over downtown NYC.

… but we were totally stuffed and couldn’t handle any more food so instead we decided to head over to Butter to check out the new Monday night party thingie by Richie Akiva & Scott Sartiano & Ronnie Madra. It was really Bunny Kim who wanted to go, so I was kinda totally prepared to despise every last minute of the experience. But actually, it was pretty great!
And I saw Liev Schreiber & Drea Dematteo & Andre Harrell & Sean Lennon & Vincent Gallo & (of course) the Olsen twins. And that was just in the mere forty minutes we stayed, a whole mess of other fabulous people were pouring in just as we were trying to get the fuck out. Maybe I’m just too old fer that shit…

pxthis.com archives

This is an abbreviated version of Abbe Diaz’s diary/blog entry on February 22, 2005, for archival purposes only. A far more detailed, thorough, and incisive account is to be included in Diaz’s upcoming second book, PX This Too (The Sequel to PX This) – Coming in the Autumn of 2010

* "…The intellectual community, as usual, showed itself to be timid and divided, and even the most unexpected graphologists engaged in controversies regarding their inconsistent analyses of my handwriting. It was they who divided opinions, overheated the polemic, and made nostalgia popular…. Make no mistake: peaceful madmen are ahead of the future." – Gabriel García Márquez

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

BonChon

What was your first impression?
Huh. Well, style-wise, it’s no Kyochon…

Please rate the Bar:
Eh. A little disappointing, coming from the Koreans— cuz everybody knows Koreans loooves them some restaurant architecture. And drinking.
It’s actually not even a bar as much as a walk-up to-go counter with liquor stashed behind it.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Eh, again. For all those dozen or so selections of beer, how come only one of them is light (Amstel)? As for the liquor— bleah. Eight kinds of Absolut and three kinds of Patron. No other brands of vodka or tequila at all. I mean, need I say more? Technically, it is a "full bar" though (without any wine. But considering the potential inventory, maybe that’s a good thing).

Please rate the Dining Room:
It’s… pragmatic? Yeah, let’s say that.

Please rate the BOH:
Well, they make some damned good chicken! And that’s pretty much all that matters, really.

How was the staff?
One guy was very nice and super-conscientious. Everyone else was okay.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Wings. Spicy. : Dude, at this point, I’m already a BonChon expert, I don’t mess around. And yup, they were delicious!
Zucchini fries : Good! And the serving size is enormous. Great horseradish sauce.

What did you like?
It’s BonChon. What’s not to like?

What did you dislike?
I was really kinda psyched for some crazy Asian space design. If the Koreans can’t bring you some far-out Disco Chicken, then absolutely nobody else can. Siiigh.

What was your last impression?
Wings, spicy, LARGE— to go, please!

Would you come back?
Boka is much closer…

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks. Rock on, Bon Chon.

So yesterday, PX This handed the keys to the web-blahg over to our truculent obstreperous friend— who ended up taking it for a joyride and dangerously drunk-blogging. Don’t you hate it when that happens? It was kind of great fun, though. Maybe we should do it more often!

Anyway, in case you missed it, there was a whole lot of ranty ranting going on— I’m not exactly sure, I wasn’t paying attention. But I do vaguely recall something about some "Tool Shed" having "the backbone of a centipede," was it?

So I decided to take it upon myself to get into the spirit of things and bluster indignantly in rebuttal: What have you got against centipedes, you nasty rat bastard? Leave those cute, adorable, multi-eyed (?) centipedes ALONE!!!1!1!!

Happy Friday!

:)

**With special thanks to James Mielke

MY rant.

Hey, did you see this? It’s Steve Cuozzo "ranting" about how no "good restaurants" opened in 2010. And then Keith McNally "ranted" in retaliatio… zzzzZZZzzzzzzzZZZzzz…

Huh, wha–? Sorry, I dozed off for a second there. Oh yeah, I was just about to rant my rant in retaliation to those two ranty rants. Why, you ask? Good question— seeing as DUH– nobody gives a fucking rat’s ass about anybody’s stupid, self-important, self-indulgent, sophmoric, idiotic fucking rant.
But hey, I’m just gonna throw my two cents out there, ‘cuozz— well, why not? It’s the internet age! That’s just how we roll. CLEARLY, any two-bit douchebag dipshit with a keyboard and a free Starbucks WiFi connection can pontificate superfluously about whatever the hell they please. And today, FINALLY, is my turn. Hooray!

Firstly, to Steve Cuozzo. Shut the hell up, you clueless, ignorant, obnoxious, pompous, obsequious, slimy TOOL SHED. Oh my Lord, reading your articles (on those very very very rare occasions which I do) makes me want to put a gun to my head, realizing that you actually still have a job as a journalist, because there genuinely remains a substantial contingent of morons out there who buy into your dim-witted drivel.
Not that I give a damn about a single thing or person you mentioned, but did you seriously just criticize certain chefs and restaurateurs for being in too many places at once, while extolling the virtues of not one, but two Jean-Georges restaurants that he opened within weeks of each other while simultaneously overseeing multiple outlets all over the world? Do you not see how hypocritical and downright laughable you sound?

Also, as a looongtime laborer within the NYC Food & Beverage industry, I can inform you (yeah, that’s right— you’re so ignorant you probably have yet to apprehend this) the fine dining industry in NYC for the most part, HATES NY POST-READING DINERS. Ask anybody. A bad review from the NY Post is like a gift from heaven; if it keeps out the arrogant, unsophisticated, self-entitled jerkoffs who read the NY Post, then Hallelujah! That’s half the bane of running a restaurant in NYC extinguished right there.
Pssst, Cuozzo. Oh, if you could only be "on the inside," as I am, and could hear the things that are said about you and your ilk, by the very same people who run to shake your hand upon your arrival. You’d probably be so traumatized, you’d need lithium for life. Do yourself a favor and "retire" to go write your great American novel already, could you? You make us sick, you freak.

Next, to Keith McNally. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Really? Don’t you have anything better to fucking do? Shouldn’t you be out scavenging distressed mirrors and wall tiles for the inevitable Chinese next-incarnation of your "genius-brilliance" or something? As a person who once used to work for you (Yeah, that’s right. Boo!) I can assure you that Frank Bruni got at least ONE thing right in his entire ill-conceived food-writing career, and that’s: You are not a nice man.
Your greatest skill is comprised wholly of your astoundingly systematic ass-kissing of those you deem worthy. Your second greatest skill is merely the fact that you’re only about half as maniacal as your loopy, rampageous brother. And the notion that you think these asinine indignant blusterings of yours are actually beneficial to your business as a whole is mind-blowing. Newsflash, idiot: The reason Pulino’s sucks such a fat dick is because you brought that cheezy icky clientele of yours to yourself.

Ha ha hah— go on now, Keith, run along and pen some other retaliatory unctuous rant e-mail that panders to those pizza-loving clowns. Just remember before you waste your energy— it’s still not going to bring Anna and Sir Anthony Hopkins looking for a banquette in that shithole.

Yours Truly and Sincerely,

*Dick Johnson*

Matua Valley – Sauvignon Blanc – 2008, Marlborough, New Zealand
Cost: app. $16 to $18 / bottle

One of the hidden gems in the world of dry white wines can easily include the sauvignon blanc, and New Zealand is well known for producing fine examples. This Matua Valley was quite simply… awesome. This is crisp, light to medium-bodied, with a slight pewter in color. The aromas and flavors that dominated the entire time were a refreshing array of grapefruit, lime, and just a suggestion of lemongrass. Went very well with the summery cuisine I enjoyed alongside this wine of excellent value.
Rating: 90

Ya know, just in case you were wondering.

Go, Heikki Sorsa! ♡

** See also (earlier):

• Homegirl Meets Coolest Dude Ever
• SPOTTED: Heikki Sorsa and Paris Hilton…

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

B.E.S.

What was your first impression?
It’s not "between 10th and 11th Aves." It’s actually on the corner of 11th Ave.

Please rate the Bar:
It’s… cute?
And, to make a long story short, you’ll like it much much better if you have absolutely no expectations. Wait, scratch that— more like: you’ll like it much much better if you go in expecting it to be "fabulous."

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The wine list is pretty decent— diverse with some nice selections at relatively fair prices. (Especially if you keep in mind how "fabulous" this place is.) The cocktails list, likewise, has a good combination of classic and unique concoctions. If, however, you’re a discerning drinker, keep an eye out for last minute substitutions. Like, for example, if they "ran out" of "Reposado Tequila," they just may decide to throw Montezuma in there instead. If this is the type of thing that doesn’t remotely faze you, you’re good. Otherwise, you might want to point out the oversight.

Please rate the Dining Room:
Not bad. An astute enough utilization of the spare-ish square footage. It’s "fabulous."

Please rate the BOH:
Better than I expected, although I didn’t have much. I mean, come on, who orders food in a "fabulous" place? The two things I tried were pretty good, though…

How was the staff?
Ha ha ha ahaah. They’re "fabulous."
Dude, what can I say. They’re of the species that you either utterly despise or feel right at home and most comfortable amongst. So ya know— if your digs away from your crib include places like La Esquina, Indochine, Kenmare, Rose Bar, The Box, The Boom Boom, etc— come on down, your peeps are waiting for you. But if you’re the type who enjoys playing interweb BINGO for a Ko reservation or standing patiently in line for a seat at Market Table, maybe save your time and energy and go to a Danny Meyer instead.
(P.S. This whole rigmarole about the "artists," by the way— uhh, yah. Suuure. If you’re an artist represented by Vito Schnabel maybe.)

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Sauteed Shishito Peppers : Fine. All that soy sauce is actually less obtrusive than you’d think.
Caramelized Pork Belly and Watermelon : Pretty good. Nice presentation, but just a wee more caramelization would have made a significant difference. Just a tad too mushy.

What did you like?
The bartender turned out to be a rather nice and fascinating person. No, really.

What did you dislike?
Well, had I known in advance, I would have worn my "fabulous" skin… And just come for a drink with a group of friends. Maybe later in the evening. Or something.

What was your last impression?
Who’s the umm "consultant," again? Cuz clearly, that’s quite relevant.

Would you come back?
Is somebody I know gonna drag me back here eventually? I’m thinking it’s not outside the realm of possibility.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks. Oh, and good luck with your "real life" thing…

Uh oh:

"A former cook at celeb chef Jean-Georges Vongerichten‘s JoJo Restaurant said she had to endure heaping helpings of sexual harassment… Arlene Keith says she went to work as a meat cook… and was subjected to vile, sexually explicit remarks and advances by another cook… When the alleged victim complained to her boss, he began being abusive to her as well, the lawsuit says…
Vongerichten, named as a defendant but not accused of any harassment, called the suit ‘frivolous.’" [The NY Post]

Hmm.
Well, the last time the Jean Georges organization faced a "frivolous" (or whatever) lawsuit, it cost them $1.75M. (We’re just sayin’.)

I mean, sure, $1.75M may seem like a lot of money to you, but that’s just like spare change or ‘tip money’ to them. Thanks for all your concern sending this news to us and everything, but fret not— apparently, they can afford it!

P.S. Oh yeah, see the "UPDATE" in the title up there? Well, that’s how you do an update, you fucking scumbags.

**See also (earlier):
• Jean Georges Enterprises – Shit, meet Fan. Fan, meet Shit. [Part 1 and Part 2]
• “Mercer… Lobby… Screaming” starring Lois Freedman

For more on this story, read PX This – The Revised Edition [and PX This Too (Coming Soon in the Autumn of 2010)]

Oh sure, you wanna complain about the heat. (Or your job that you hate. Or that dickhead customer last night. Or your stupid, cracked-out General Manager. Or…)

Well, have I got a better idea for you! Maybe you need a little pick-me-up. A little ray of hope. A story (or two) that will make you thankful for your blessed life again and restore your faith in the strength, resilience, and beauty of humankind. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Do yourself a favor and watch both Rabbit-Proof Fence and The Great Match. And remind yourself how wonderful life is. (Then go out and celebrate— in a place with a really great air conditioner.)

:)

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Nuela

What was your first impression?
It’s big! And RED…

Please rate the Bar:
Fine. Commodious, welcoming, and clean despite its clutteriness. And the bartender is affable and proficient enough, if not particularly effusive.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The cocktail list is decent, all the staple Latin American favorites with a twist or two thrown in. Well priced at around $11 to $12. Good and ample collection of Spanish and Latin American wines, also fairly priced with a nice balance in the range. Surprisingly (and percipiently), even some suitable sakes offered!

Please rate the Dining Room:
Snazzy! Somebody spent some money up in here, all right.
Also: smart. All the important details are quite proper. Clearly some experienced restaurant architecture at work here (mostly in Las Vegas perhaps, but still…)

Please rate the BOH:
Ohh, man. What a team. First-rate, top-notch, super duper A-1…

How was the staff?
Satisfactory. They try hard. A little stiff and corporate in their demeanor, but maybe the Flatiron District likes that stuff (or maybe they were all flown in from Las Vegas along with the architect). Ha ha, graduates of the BR Guest School of Hospitality— you know the type. Overall, a B+.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Sea Urchin Ceviche : Holy cow. Just from this dish alone, I’m just about ready to move in.
Foie Gras Croquettas : Wow. OK, somebody remind me who the chef is again?
Chupe de Camarones : Whaaat? Where am I…?! OK, I’m sold! Stop it, I feel woozy…
Octopus and Pork Belly Anticuchos : Eh, OK. Maybe not as mind-blowing as the others, but for something so simple, it’s very well done. Flavorful despite its starkness.
Oxtail Empanadas : Outstanding. Succulent and tender and expertly executed.
Suckling Pig Bocadillo : Very good. Love the artful play on such an approachable dish.
Hamachi Ceviche : Superb. Fresh, delicious, and generous. A really great value for the $15 price tag. Normally, I’d say I’m more of a ceviche purist, so the "sour orange basil" in the description initially struck me as somewhat pretentious and just a tad silly. Well, I was wrong. [These stunts are performed by professionals. Do not try this at home.]
Bacalhau Buñuelos : Dude, I don’t even like bacalhau that much generally, but this is really delicious and perfect. The texture is fantastic.
Corn Gratin : Hee hee. I mean, this is just a side dish. I don’t even know what more to say, all I wanna do is giggle in contentment.

What did you like?
Just about everything.

What did you dislike?
Well, OK, can’t say I’m such a fan of all the RED, but don’t mind me. I’ll deal.

What was your last impression?
Even the bathrooms are great.

Would you come back?
Oh, hells yeah.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was a pleasure. Really.