yah so
last night was this awesome private dinner at LaEsquina thrown by JoseCuervo to celebrate Mexican Independence Day and to help promote their Platino and Extra Añejo Riserva de la Familia tequilas to… ummm… "influentials" (? that would be ME. yay!)
it was really great and delicious (there’s new stuff on the LaEsquina menu! did you even realize?) and believe it or not, even though i consumed about a half dozen JoseCuervo tequila drinks in various incarnations, i still managed to learn quite a lot about tequila.
wouldn’t you like to learn some too? sure you would. okay here goes. did you know:
– that tequila is like "champagne" or like "bourbon" in that in order for it to be called "tequila" it MUST be made in the region of tequila,mexico (which is comprised of five regions within itself). any similar liquor produced outside this region must be denominated otherwise— like "mezcal" or some such, etc.
– tequila is also like wine, in that it has an "NOM" classification (Nominacion Original sumpn sump? or sumpn? whatever) very much like the french AOC and the italian DOC.
– that any tequila which is 100% agave (like Jose Cuervo’s Riservas) is completely free of sugar and therefore "will not cause headaches or hangovers…"
(it’s also only 60 calories an ounce and contains no carbs!)
– somewhat by virtue of this, Jose Cuervo is also currently awaiting FDA approval to label their Riserva tequilas "organic."
– that Patron is owned by paul-mitchell (the hair products dude)… thereby making Patron something akin to the Absolut of tequilas, if you hear what i’m sayin (big vodka fanatic here).
– that the former JoseCuervo "1800" is no longer a part of JoseCuervo? it "separated itself from the company," and although 1800 is still made in Cuervo distilleries, it no longer bears the name "Jose Cuervo."
– that all Riserva de la Familia bottles are still hand filled, labeled, and numbered— because JoseCuervo remains a 10th generation family-run business that fully espouses the tradition of sustaining the employment of local mexican laborers and artisans…
– … in fact, the Extra Añejo bottles come packaged in a special wooden box, re-designed annually by local artists, some of the sales proceeds of which are then donated to help fund a local university for the arts.
– that the Platino is best served "chilled and/or in cocktails" but the Extra Añejo should be "room temperature, in a snifter."
– that to recognize any "very good tequila," you should notice "spiciness in the mouth and taste buds only" with "a warmth in the throat and downward"— but NEVER a spiciness in the throat and downward.
– that by nosing the Extra Añejo in the glass, you will recognize the different notes by nosing "the front" (the pepperiness), "the center" (the "honey" and agave), and "the back" (the oak and wood notes).
also— keep your mouth slightly open to help dispel the "alcohol" fragrance.
isn’t that fascinating ?
in short:
that shit is GOOD.
yay José!
• Which restaurant owner, already frustrated from being behind schedule and over-budget, is about to get the rudest awakening yet? If this person thinks the going is tough now, wait until the restaurant is finally open and running. Is history about to repeat itself? It almost already has, since much of what has happened thus far is straight from a past endeavor’s playbook. Next time when someone knowledgeable gives you free advice, try taking it.
• Which multi-milion dollar swanky midtown eatery is failing to live up to high expectations? It does approximately "20 covers a night," and despondent staffers are desperate to jump ship. Anyone hiring?
• Which chef of a famous Italian hotspot has been secretly doing consulting work for a new establishment mere blocks away? Some of the recipes are straight off the hotspot’s menu, and the hotspot’s proprietor isn’t exactly known for his patience and magnanimity. Good thing the hotspot isn’t "all about the food" — the newcomer likely won’t ever be a daunting competitor, despite its strikingly similar dishes being offered at up to 40% cheaper than the "original."
• Which well-known chef of a popular downtown destination may be ready to throw in the towel? Speculation has it the claims of "exhaustion" might just be a bluff tactic for less hours and more money. Unfortunately, this eatery has just about "had it," and isn’t bringing anything to the table. Try not to let the door smack you on the ass…?
• Which famous restaurateur has his eyes on a beleaguered bistro? Patience, my friend. The proprietor is up to the eyeballs with pressing matters, but will eventually be eager to discuss a fair partnership. There may be a few others players on the list of potentials, though, due to its lucky lucrative location.
• Which "ambulance chasing" attorney is about to be bushwhacked? Little does he realize his fatiguingly executed "every trick in the book" tactic isn’t going to result in the succumbing surrenderous settlement he’d gambled on. Too bad he hinged all his hopes on it, since his clients couldn’t afford a proper retainer. Guess he forgot there are a lot of other tricks in the book, too.
• Which nightlife promoter was busted trying to sell one particular hotspot’s precious hard-to-score reservations? He would have been permanently nixed from the nitery as persona non grata, had he not begged for mercy and leniency. Show some dignity, man.
okay well— thank you to the peoples who forwarded along all the hoopla about MinettaTavern and former Gawker whatever jesse-oxfeld.
at first i thought it was kinda amusing, but i wasn’t going to address it because— well quite frankly, who gives a shit. woooo somebody who is not a PX got treated like dog poop by a "hott" restaurant! wow that is such the newsflash, i’m amazed there isn’t a whole fucking book about it.
oh wait right, there is. dipshits.
but whatever. you want the astoundingly brilliant wisdom i have come to be known far and wide across the interwebs for distilling with such consistency and remarkable aplomb?
you got it, bitches.
yah so.
okay when i read alls about what (allegedly?) happened, my first instinct was:
aha ha ha ha ahaaah i aint buyin it.
oh i mean— of coooourse i buy the part about some geeky writer dude getting dissed by MinettaTavern. i mean like, DUH.
but sorrrry, i don’t believe the keith-mcnally responsive "excuse" for one second.
you’re dying to know why, aren’t you?
well. lots of reasons!
but mainly cuz i feel like "oh child, i have BEEN THERE, honey."
see, i never had the (assuredly awesome) experience of working for keith-mcnally, but i have worked for his brother brian-mcnally (as you’re all well aware).
anyways one time, a former manager of Pastis told me it’s pretty much "the same" situation. and i believe it cuz even keith-mcnally’s beautiful and enchanting wife alina-johnson.mcnally a whiles ago remarked to me how she and her hubby used to "have screaming matches at the front desk" back when she was a maiterdee (wow that’s just like me and brian! without the ring, the house, and the babies). and then later a former manager of Balthazar confirmed all this with a little anecdote of his own. oh but i digress.
anyhoo
when i attempt to re-enact the whole scenario in my imagination, this is how i envision (with all the vast knowledge and undeniable insight i possess) the whole rigmarole musta gone down:
– geeky writer dude phones in, can’t get his rezzie, blah blah, pitches a hissy fit.
– reservationist "hannan" puts him on hold, checks his name in the OpenTable database and voilà— just as she suspected— he aint shit.
but wait! maybe there’s no OpenTable? fine. so okay she does the next best (and smartest) thing: she checks with big dawg himself. just in case. cuz ya know— some of the most obnoxious peoples on the telephone are often the most important peoples in the wooooorld, yes?
– keith-mcnally replies to her inquiry: "jesse ox what? who the fuck is he?"
– and unfortunately, hannan doesn’t have an answer. tsk tsk bad hannan bad hannan. (that’s why you’re just a reservationist and not a maiterdee where all the big money and prestige is, hannan! start keeping up with that PageSix/GothamMag/blogger-circle-jerk, girl! unless of course this is just some stupid side gig to you, because you are too busy working on that PhD— in which case, you GO. carry on. just ignore me.)
– and so keith-mcnally decides: "i would throw out any peasant in the place…!" oh whoops, sorry! wrong restaurateur. i meant
– and so keith-mcnally decides: "eh. i’m too sexy for that clown." or something like that.
– and so hannan goes back to the telephone to inform jesse-ollyollyoxenfree he is not welcome EVERRRR. unless he wants to come at 6 or 11pm.
THEN! OMG IT’S ALLS OVER THE INTERWEBS A GEEKY WRITER DUDE GOT DISSED AAACK GAAGGH ARRRGGH SOUND THE CIRCLE JERKY ALARMS IT’S ANARCHY IT’S CHAOS AND WTF ARE THOSE BLONDE STREAK THINGIES HIS ACTUAL HAIRDO OR IS THAT SOME KIND OF BIZARRO LENS DISTORTION???!!!!
– so keith-mcnally responds to all the blogga blogga drama the only typically unimaginative way he can— he blames it all on poor stupid idiotic hannan. he claims:
"…Mr. Oxfeld was so pushy and aggressive on the telephone that she took it upon herself to distort the reservation policy to ensure that someone as unpleasant-sounding as Mr. Oxfeld would not be eating at Minetta Tavern…"
mmmm… hmm?
BULLSHIT i say.
riiiiight. hannan gives a rat’s ass WHO comes to MinettaTavern, WHY again? cuz i mean, it’s not like she CLOCKS OUT and GOES THE FUCK HOME after her shift working the phone lines or anything.
and she "took it upon herself" to brandish her sword and become the official guardian of the sanctity of the restaurant, cuz i’m sure they’ve NEVER HAD AN OBNOXIOUS PATRON BEFORE, and she really really really felt she wanted to EARN that $7.00 per hour, boy— cuz answering the neverending ringadings and saying the same exact shit a bazillion times a day simply isn’t exhibiting enough dedication to her field. right?
and let’s never mind that if mcnally’s excuse were true, hannan would soooo be FIRED right now. at least, that’s what would have happened at a brian-mcnally establishment. no wait, i’m sorry. she would be FIRED, unless she was really gorgeous and coquettish, and then she would be ‘FIRED with the option of re-employment.’
in short:
come on now. GET SERIOUS.
gawd you people are silly.
• "Dear Joshua David Stein: Admit it already. You sweat me cuz I’m fieeerce. xoxo, Abbe -Vanilla Ice
• oh look, ashley-dupré has a new song. you can check it out here, if you’re so inclined.
personally, i thought the other two were better but whatever.
i’m vaguely aware peoples alls over the internets hate ashley-dupré cuz they have nothing better to do, but steve-lewis said she’s "one of us" so that makes her okay by me. i think all the outrage or whatever is kinda totally ridiculous, cuz if peoples had any IDEA, i think they would probably realize how pretty insipid they’re being. like for example, i know at least this one girl who used to be a very high paid supermodel that got photographed by bigshot famous photographers, and even she has decided to be an expensive haute call girl. so i can undoubtedly see how somebody like poor little young asley-dupré from suburban new jersey can hop on that bandwagon too.
i’m just sayin. – abbe
• oh right (!) — cue all the "abbe diaz is a whore and fucked a bunch of B-list celebs" shit! whatever. keep up the libel, mutherfukkers. i may just decide to sue one day when you become rich (likely never) or i become bored (any minute now). check it: i’ll actually win that shit too! -abbe
• whoa wait a second. doesn’t ashley-dupre kinda look a little like julia-allison here? no seriously.
okay yah maybe a lot of you have no idea what i’m talking bout (?) so forget it never mind.
• John Lequizamo was spotted twice this week (because he’s a total stalker). First on 6th Ave and 4th St, buying cones for his kids form the softee truck, sporting a dark hipster teeshirt and black worn-in jeans. Looking sharp, papi-chulo!
Our next encounter found him bright and early in the AM having a business meeting over steaming joe at Jack’s Coffee on 10th St— talking loudly, honking louder, blowing his nose into his sweatshirt, and appearing just a tad overbloated in the face.
Looking like you just got dragged through the streets tied to the back of a Vespa, papi!
• There seems to be a slight disagreement on the estimation theBreslin will open "october first."
someone (in the comments section) says:
"they are not opening the 1st. they don’t even have a kitchen yet…
if you get invited to f&f, don’t forget to bring your wallet. and don’t accept the champagne offer, trust me. -(OK then!) Inkslinger
• Everybody is buzzing about the Boom Boom Room like busy little bees.
Oh noes! Some of the buzzing is coming from inside the house!!!! -Dick Johnson
Williams Selyem – Pinot Noir, Sonoma County 2006
Cost: $36/bottle
Dining at the Stable, one of the 50 or so BYOW restaurants in my neighborhood. Matching with a lunch that comprised of a spinach and chicken empanada and fork-splittable baby back ribs, a juicy pinot noir from the famed cult winery of Williams Selyem fit the bill. This is the low end entry level pinot of this prestigious winery, and it was decent with its fresh strawberry, cherry and iris flowers notes. It is light to medium bodied, a bit diluted in its crimson red color, with a bit of murkiness in clarity. A bit hot with it is 13.9% alcohol, but the flavors do roll through the palate undiminished except for a slight awkwardness on the back end. An okay pinot, not the greatest but provides a glimpse of the more higher end pinots that this wine produces, which are priced 2 to 3 times this one. This one still good as an entry level wine for those looking to get into the California pinot craze.
Rating: 87
"… Rest peacefully, my Brother, I just came back from a 3 yr long assignment in Iraq, and I dare to say that Justice has been served. Farewell, my Friend, Farewell…" – Damir [Palladium, Tunnel, Club USA]
The following is an excerpt from PX This:
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2001. 12:15PM
We got terrible news. A friend that B used to work with, “Big Keith,” is missing.
Such a nice guy, big and friendly and cute and good natured and happy. He’s a firefighter and I think nearly his entire squad is gone.
The last time I saw Big Keith was at Sugar in December, and I remember I asked him if he was still thinking about joining the fire department and he replied “I’m IN the fire department!”— so we chatted like wow how fast time flies, the last time I had seen him he was just talking about thinking about joining.
And he bought me a cup of coffee another night too and I felt weird, I wasn’t sure which was more insulting— to offer him money for it or not. I didn’t know the protocol, back at the Gatien’s nobody offered money, they just went and got it the next time.
Big Keith was in the movie The Professional and he was great in it really, even though it was a small role. He played Benny (one of the corrupt cops) and he has one awesome scene where he is standing in the hallway with his gun drawn, nervous and shaking and sweating.
Actually he is so remarkable I mentioned him in “The Ministry of Speed” too, and I guess it’s silly but I liked to imagine my film would actually get made one day and Keith could play one of the doormen and it would actually be the real him they were referring to in the dialogue. Something like that.
I remember one time Keith and I were chatting outside Naked Lunch and I was recounting to him how I’d taped The Professional on the VCR and then I realized “oh whoops you probably don’t want to hear that do you?” thinking it was bad I had videotaped it instead of paying to see it in a theatre. And eeheee he was cute he insisted “No! HBO is good, I’ll take HBO!”
And B says his wife is in denial like she just expects him to come walking in the door any second and my God who can blame her? Because he was just so big and able and strong it seemed like nothing could ever take him down.
Oh my God knock on wood but if something like that were to happen to B, I would be the exact same way, I would have to see it with my own two eyes.
It’s just not the way things are supposed to be.
B was really upset when he told me.
I remember all the funny stories he used to tell about working the door at Naked Lunch, how Keith would just make him laugh and laugh all night long.
Even though B hated doorkeeping so much I know he looks back fondly and proudly because of all the good guys he knows because of it.
And even though I don’t really want to share this with those people, I feel like I want to say something to the Project Greenlighters, all those movie lovers, like they should go out and buy The Professional and tell all their friends, I just want everyone to know when they watch that movie they should look out for him and they can see how great he was and be proud for him he is such a hero.
But I am afraid it will just come out stupid or corny or something.
Cyberjapan to Blogspot, WordPressOrg, Tumblr, etc:
“SUCK IT. ”
OK, it doesn’t really have anything to do with restaurants, dining or food. But it’s French! Therefore, in a way, it kind of does (but not really). Also it stars a couple of PXes, so there.
Whatever, get over it. It’s hilarious, entertaining and a welcome departure from Hollywood’s latest typically mindless blockbusters. If the “S&M” scene doesn’t make you LOL and spit liquid out ur nose all over teh screen, then your funny bone is broken. (Get it fixed, or get the hell outta here, that’s for sure!)
Yes, you will have to read the words that come out of their mouths unless you understand French. But you like to read, don’t you? Otherwise you would be outside smoking a cigarette right now instead of wasting your time looking at websites.
Just a little ‘shout out’ to our friends at LA-based MILK, who recently scored the ice cream contract for the Patina Restaurant Group.
Look for MILK to appear soon on Entertainment Tonight, featuring a peek at their highly touted ice cream making production skillz— in anticipation of their sweets caterership for the upcoming official Emmy Awards after-party.
Yay! Ice Cream!
(last week in Costa Rica)
it tried to eat a string bean and then fell asleep from the effort.
sloth! food… dining… sloth. get it? ha! THANK YOU, we’ll be here all week.
= "personne extraordinaire"