• Which former "celebrity" chef is (quite apparently) really desperate to find a job?
Anybody hiring? Call us— we’ll… uh… gladly make the introduction, take a standard headhunter’s commission, pat you on the back and wish you good luck (chances are you’re gonna need it).
• Which popular impresario’s shotgun wedding has insightful insiders scratching their heads at the peculiarly matched couple and hasty nuptials? Well, try checking back with them around December of this year— or hell, you should get pretty obvious "hints" even earlier. All your burning perturbed questions should be answered by then, duh. (Yea— it’s just about as… uh… typical as you can get.)
• Which new beleaguered hotel has a whooole new mess of problems to contend with? Their already-delayed opening is very likely to be postponed further. (Also, maybe expect a significant concept modification.)
• Which nightclub impresario (and friends) were tossed from his table at a tony East Hampton eatery? Evidently, this person is unaware of some basic restaurant rules. For example, when you go out to dine, you should always 1) actually order some FOOD, 2) NOT usurp tables meant/reserved for other patrons without permission, 3) LEAVE when even all your water glasses have long been cleared from the table, and 4) NOT be an obnoxious tool for absolutely no good reason. Or, ya know— take that cheap, self-entitled, arrogant attitude of yours back to downtown Manhattan where it belongs.
Hey, did you hear about Mark Birnbaum getting sued for sexual harrassament? [No? Oh, you must live in a fucking cave.]
Discuss.
Cuz you knooow you want to.
COMMENTS ARE OPEN.
How’s this, I’ll start— maybe I’ll just fill in some of the ones I’ve heard out and about so far (jump on in anytime) :
[ Keep scrolling... ]
The Blabber in the Trenches
A Sommelier, a GM, a Restaurateur, and a Blogger walk into a bar… order some drinks, get a little tipsy, and— what else? — start gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. It went down a little something like this:
Blogger: … because I had lunch with _____ yesterday.
Sommelier: Oh you did? Where is she now? What’s she up to?
B: The new Hotel Americano. It looks good. Sounds nice. A restaurant on the main, two indoor bar/lounges, and another restaurant/lounge on the roof, with a little lap pool. Great views. It’s cute. The rooms are hip and chic, kinda like a more boutiquey Standard or something. Good high end exotic mini-bottles in the fridge and fancy gourmet snacks with adorable packaging, that sort of thing. Patent leather architectural bean bags and crooked "melting" trash cans. Even the robes are cute… and I must say they got some great creative marketing ideas…
It’s too bad Sleep No More [next door] has got such a short run… it’s really good. I heard they want to stay but Bagatelle already has a lease on the building… in May, I think…?
GM: … Ohhh! Speaking of hotels, guess whose lease is almost up? Your boy, ______! They only have about another year or so left. And the contract is NOT being renewed. _____ already started talking about it, he’s doing so well with [the F&B] at ______, he sure doesn’t need ______ anymore. Whooops! There goes a biiig money-maker…
Restaurateur: Well, that makes sense. And it would be better for ______ anyway, that place needs an infusion of new blood; it’s just old and stale now. It’s only that great location that keeps them going…
GM: And all its former glory…
S: …. hahahahaha, buh-bye!
GM: Considering they just closed _____, I mean, ouchie! That’s gotta smart.
R: Tsk, what a shame.
B: … And EMM lost the contract at _____ to Strategic.
S: Oh wow, they can’t be happy about that. What is up with those dudes? Can’t they all just get along?
B: Is Aalex Julien going to join Strategic now? I think I heard some whispers about him talking to them…
S: Whatever, wouldn’t be surprised…
B: … Oh you know who I ran into the other day— Pichet Ong.
GM: Ah, how’s he doing?
B: Good. He wants to blog about his jeans.
S: Whut—?
B: His jeans. Apparently he bought some "broad denim"— is that the right term? — jeans at the Liquor Store the other day. The hard ones, I guess? And the salesman told him he has to wear them sitting in the tub like three or four times, and then once they properly mold to your ass, you can’t wash them for like three months or some shit.
GM: Get the fuck outta here.
B: No, really. That’s what he said. And then he’s gonna blog about it. Ha ha ha aha hah food-pros blogging about fashion. Who ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?
GM: The things people will do for press these days…
S: Yeah, I wanna see Pichet’s cake-making ass in a pair of molded jeans.
As news spreads about Anna Wintour‘s apprehension over Serge Becker’s latest enterprise (New York Post‘s "Page Six" has confirmation from Ms. Wintour’s office), comments and suggestions have been pouring into our inbox. (Thank you!)
Several have asserted we were perhaps remiss in neglecting to divulge the name and/or location of said enterprise, which was, in fact, intentional. As it has come to our attention these details are hardly a "secret" (many of the e-mails received contained the particulars within), we no longer find it necessary to maintain our initial furtiveness.
The aforementioned entity is said to be dba Miss Lily’s and is located at 132 West Houston St (contrary to further speculation).
Thank you for your kind support and advocacy.
:)
**Miss Lily’s graphic design logo by Carmen Montt
***See also (earlier):
• The Blabber in the Trenches [Volume 3]
This just in from a tipster: “…Victoria’s Secret is shooting at Surf Lodge all this week… it’s supposed to be hush hush…”
Thanks, tipster! Don’t worry, we won’t tell anyone! We promise!
a blogger (that’s me) and two restaurateurs walk into a bar…
… order some drinks (one of them likes "white wine with a few ice cubes." go figure.), get a little tipsy, and —what else?— start gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. it went down a little something like this:
one of them was late. personally i think he just completely forgot our appointment and hopped into a taxicab right when he got my text message. hey, it happens (quite a lot in NYC, actually). which was fine cuz i needed a drink anyways. it gave me some time to peruse my environs there in theAceHotel lobby. it’s pretty neat in that chic trendy modern retro modern whatever kind of way. and the waitress is really nice.
there are a lot of "locals" and familiar faces and whatnot, so i am assuming peoples are traveling a ways from wherever they live to get here which is pretty impressive. on the stroll over, a block away i started asking myself who the hells is coming out here to stay in a hotel, it’s ridiculous. well there ended up being a lot of people around so it just goes to show how much i know.
then the other restaurateur arrived so that was great. he’s very cute and jovial and he dresses like a little kid. we sat around and chitchatted about the hotel, and then he asked the waitress to bring out the funky little snacks in the plastic baggies. these are little goodie bags filled with stuffs made by april-bloomfield, like caramel corn and salted almonds and salt&vinegar chips…. and chiccharón (! puertochinos, holla). it’s a good idea because apparently the kitchen is behind schedule what with contractor issues and things, so it’s pretty smart to have at least something for bar patrons.
evidently a Stumptown Coffee place just opened here— which is a big deal apparently, it’s like some coffee cultists’ favorite from seattle or someplace. supposedly it’s quite busy already with lines at the door "at 6AM." so good for them.
subsequently that sparked this big discussion about coffee and whether or not LaColombe "is better."
then we started all the really good gossip and
wooo child. lemme tell you. harharaharrr ben-leventhal would kiss keith-mcnally’s jock strap to get a lick of the dish i got last night, honey.
sigh but you see this is my problem
when i first envisioned doing this blog feature "story" whatever thingie, i imagined it might be called "An Evening With: …" and then i just go out and about with all the really cool peoples i usually see, but now when they start to give me the usual "offff the record, abbbeeeee" bullshit i would just tell them to stick it up their asses this time.
obviously i am full of it, cuz i am not about to go spilling all the beans— it’s not stuff i know first hand so i’m not really sure how much of it is true or how much of it to believe anyhow. like for example, there was this one story about frank-bruni’s recent party at theSpottedPig, and supposedly there was some discourse about his former review process wherein frank-bruni called himself a consummate "professional" and HAHAHAHAHAA that one is just entirely too preposterous to swallow.
oh there was also some blabber about joshua.david-stein too. because he wrote something about something something "used to own Gusto" something (?), and i don’t know if that kid is just dumb as a rock or what.
oh! ohhh but the big news! i’m not going to say. nyeeah.
you wouldn’t believe me anyways, bceause everybody always just wants to believe what they want to believe. but haa ahaa believe me if i get so much as a sense of a whiff of an inkling i am about to get "scooped" or whatever, i will so bust that shit wide the fuck open (as usual, bitches)! so you may want to stay tuned just in case!
YAH SO
theBreslin is set to open probably "october first." it’s about 150 seats. it has a big open kitchen. it will have two bars— a large one (directly on the left if you enter from the street) that’s an antique "purchased in harlem." there will be a "bar rail" opposite with small tables lined down the center.
there’s a "grandfathered" mezzanine level as well, with a smaller (also antique) bar. there are refrigerated wine racks lining the wall, and there will be an "owner’s nook that looks down on everything" off in the corner at the end of the wine racks.
downstairs will be "banquettes banquettes more banquettes" and one (or two?) with "a curtain" cuz he "always wanted to do that."
the floor and (16 foot high, ornately molded) ceiling are "original."
and a "big round" table in the middle right in front of the kitchen.
i think it will end up looking quite beautiful. so the only thing the persistently pessimistic perfectionist in me can think to say is: i didn’t notice if there’s a built-in vestibule but i hope so cuz otherwise it looks like it could be potentially mad freezing up front in the wintertime.
i also got to meet the other restaurateur’s brother and a friend of his from london. they were nice.
yay!
A Financier, an Operator, and a Blogger walk into a bar…
… order some drinks, get a little tipsy, and start — what else?—- gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. Here’s the transcript of the part of their discussion about Abe&Arthur/Simyone.
Blogger: Oh! ….And Abe&Arthur will be opening soon I guess.
Operator: Is that that new little place on Waverly?
B: No, that’s Joseph Leonard. Abe&Arthur is the place that used to be Lotus… the restaurant part is Abe&Arthur apparently, and then downstairs will be a club slash lounge type thing called Simyone… ya know, like Bijoux with the party brunch and whatever the upstairs was called.
O: Yah exactly, we don’t even remember the name… Who the hell wants to eat in a nightclub? That didn’t even work for Lotus and the food wasn’t even that bad.
B: People used to eat at Spy.
O: Get outta here, Spy had food? I don’t remember any food.
B: Sure… lobster club, fruit and cheese plate, caviar…
O: Ugh christ.
Financier: People might eat in the restaurant just to go to the nightclub afterward… that’s convenient.
O: Pssh, not if it’s like Lotus. Lotus didn’t guarantee entry to the club afterward just because you had a dinner reservation. That would be a good way for them to go though, because otherwise why would anyone eat there? Too many other good restaurants in that area, so why settle for one place for hours on end? That’s what people like about the meatpacking district… all the bar-hopping…
B: But doesn’t that kill the "exclusivity" thing? Otherwise it’s what— BuddhaBar with dancing?
O: Oh c’mon, in a place that size, how are they ever going to make any money trying to be "exclusive"? They can get the Tenjune crowd, but then what, kill Tenjune? There’s no way they can keep a "hot" crowd in both. But maybe that’s the plan anyway. Now that they milked Tenjune for what it was worth…
B: They can offer it up to the B&T gods? That makes sense.
O: The moneymaker. Does Tenjune charge a cover? They can probably start…. and from what I heard that’s what they probably should do if they going to try to keep the new one exclusive. I heard those guys are in deep with their own personal cash. And they might be cash poor. I know someone who was interviewing for a position… they just lowballed him all day long… it’s like The Inn [at Little West 12th] all over again… We all know how that turned out….
B: I did hear something like that. The way it was told to me is that supposedly they invested a lot of their own money right before the market crash… like "putting a deposit on a pre-construction condo… now that the banks aren’t lending, people either have to come up with the rest of the money some other way, or walk away and take the loss of the deposit… supposedly, this is the boat that those guys are in— they just can’t walk away from the cash already in, so they have no choice but to forge ahead."
F: Banks were never lending to nightclubs, anyway. I’ve never seen a good business plan from one, and that’s all I do all day is look at these things. All that money was coming from guys that may have been in banking but were fronting their own money… I even thought of doing it once…
B: I remember. But you wanted to own the property… I could be wrong, but most of these places are leased, aren’t they?
O: They’re all leased.
F: I know guys that have put their money in clubs. No one ever saw a dime back, but that wasn’t the point anyway.
B: Haa, oh god, I always thought that was a myth.
F: If these guys are dropping a couple grand a weekend anyway, what do you think 50 G’s means to them? It’s all the hype of "ownership" and drinks and the girls…
O: Yeah, you get 10 or 20 of those suckers… no offense…
B: Yeah, but then what about all the celebrities? It’s not like they have problems with drinks and girls…
F: Those are just names. Like, their name is worth money…
B: The place looks nice though… there were renderings all over the internet…
O: Ugh, why do people release their renderings? The actual place never matches the renderings. The renderings are sales pitches by the architects, and the budgets never meet the demands… Then they just look like they’re fronting…
B: Maybe they’re fronting then. Isn’t that the point? If they want to build hype and anticipation…?
B: Oh, what’s the deal with Remm and Tepperberg anyway? I heard they straight up kicked him out of Tao in Vegas halfway through his meal….
O: Remm was never one for making friends…
B: If he didn’t think you’re worth it to him…?
O: … But he shouldn’t be trying to make enemies either…
B: No, he’s got the right idea. I thought I heard he was going around saying he needed a starlet girlfriend, to make himself "next level." Oh! Wait, he did date Shannen Doherty, right?
O: He wants to be Richie Akiva more than anyone else in the world… but the food even sucked at Butter.
B: They do kind of look alike, don’t you think?
O: Shannen Doherty is no Carmen Kass…
B: You know I saw Eugene Remm dive under a banquette to rescue his [former] boss’s lipstick once. There were all these other bartenders and managers around, but Eugene Remm was the only chivalrous one….
O: He was the only one who could fit under the banquette without stooping over?
B: Aww… that’s mean…
F: No good deed goes unpunished…
= "personne extraordinaire"