The Blabber in the Trenches

April 14th, 2011 by The House


The Blabber in the Trenches

A Sommelier, a GM, a Restaurateur, and a Blogger walk into a bar… order some drinks, get a little tipsy, and— what else? — start gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. It went down a little something like this:


Blogger: … because I had lunch with _____ yesterday.

Sommelier: Oh you did? Where is she now? What’s she up to?

B: The new Hotel Americano. It looks good. Sounds nice. A restaurant on the main, two indoor bar/lounges, and another restaurant/lounge on the roof, with a little lap pool. Great views. It’s cute. The rooms are hip and chic, kinda like a more boutiquey Standard or something. Good high end exotic mini-bottles in the fridge and fancy gourmet snacks with adorable packaging, that sort of thing. Patent leather architectural bean bags and crooked "melting" trash cans. Even the robes are cute… and I must say they got some great creative marketing ideas…
It’s too bad Sleep No More [next door] has got such a short run… it’s really good. I heard they want to stay but Bagatelle already has a lease on the building… in May, I think…?


GM: … Ohhh! Speaking of hotels, guess whose lease is almost up? Your boy, ______! They only have about another year or so left. And the contract is NOT being renewed. _____ already started talking about it, he’s doing so well with [the F&B] at ______, he sure doesn’t need ______ anymore. Whooops! There goes a biiig money-maker…

Restaurateur: Well, that makes sense. And it would be better for ______ anyway, that place needs an infusion of new blood; it’s just old and stale now. It’s only that great location that keeps them going…

GM: And all its former glory…

S: …. hahahahaha, buh-bye!

GM: Considering they just closed _____, I mean, ouchie! That’s gotta smart.

R: Tsk, what a shame.


B: … And EMM lost the contract at _____ to Strategic.

S: Oh wow, they can’t be happy about that. What is up with those dudes? Can’t they all just get along?

B: Is Aalex Julien going to join Strategic now? I think I heard some whispers about him talking to them…

S: Whatever, wouldn’t be surprised…


B: … Oh you know who I ran into the other day— Pichet Ong.

GM: Ah, how’s he doing?

B: Good. He wants to blog about his jeans.

S: Whut—?

B: His jeans. Apparently he bought some "broad denim"— is that the right term? — jeans at the Liquor Store the other day. The hard ones, I guess? And the salesman told him he has to wear them sitting in the tub like three or four times, and then once they properly mold to your ass, you can’t wash them for like three months or some shit.

GM: Get the fuck outta here.

B: No, really. That’s what he said. And then he’s gonna blog about it. Ha ha ha aha hah food-pros blogging about fashion. Who ever heard of such a ridiculous thing?

GM: The things people will do for press these days…

S: Yeah, I wanna see Pichet’s cake-making ass in a pair of molded jeans.



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4 Responses to “The Blabber in the Trenches”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    This, by far, is the funniest bit of gossip I’ve read in a long time. I love it!

  2. Captain K Says:

    Lol I agree!! ;)

  3. Dishwasher Says:

    “Considering they just closed _____, I mean, ouchie!”

    Are you talking about Matsugen or Spice Market at The W in Istanbul?? They both closed, just so you kow. ;)

  4. Ha! Says:

    Wait, is that Mercer that’s losing it’s lease!?!?! :O

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