PX This.

OMG HOW ADORABLE.
If you don’t think this is one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen in your life, you’re obviously just a miserable, humorless, wretched, soul-sucking, contemptible, godforsaken baby hater.

Good luck with that, Baby Hater.

Bilton Wines – Matt Black, 2006 – South Africa
Cost: $14/bottle

After tasting a whole bunch of mediocre red wines, I came across this one from South Africa, a red blend of Shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and Petite Verdot… kind of a Bordeaux blend with that juicy Shiraz to spike it up. The nose was impressive with its sweet floral violets, spicy black cherry, vanilla oak, and a haunting aroma of “funk” — somewhat like a combo of horse sweat intermixed with black fruit. Truly the Shiraz was showing its pizzazz around the cabernet and merlot fruit. In the mouth, moderately full bodied with a nice genuine creamy texture— full of ripe fruits, and glycerine with soft tannins to enjoy consumption early on. At $14 a bottle, I will pick up a case.

Rating: 90

Yup, it’s perennial Travel Month at PX This. Hooray!

But now it’s time to lighten it up just a bit around here, since I’m sure the last few film recommendations completely swept you up and away and had you sobbing and weeping like a pitiful little bitch.

Have no fear— some laughter, hilarity and gaiety is near! Order Priceless. You won’t regret it.

Seriously, if the Jaeger Lecoultre wristwatch scene doesn’t have you saying “OK OK, fine!” (for a change) to that creepy ole “regular” who drops in consistently and leers at you lasciviously all night long (and then subsequently smashing your own Casio on the bathroom counter)— nothing will. LOL!

Oh, just watch the damned movie.

okay OKAY already.
is it possssible you’re NOT one of the 1.5million plus people who have already witnessed oprah-winfrey‘s anniversary whatever blackeyed-pea‘s concert flash mob thingie? gawd you’re lame.

fine. by very popular demand, without further ado— voilà!

it’s the feel good video of… right now! plus: it’s the blackeyed-peas (puertochinos in da house HOLLA). yay!

image by Conor Ogle

a blogger (that’s me), a restaurateur, and an operator walk into a bar…

… order a couple of josé-cuervo platino margaritas on the rocks with salt, get a little tipsy, and —what else?— start gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. it went down a little something like this:

midway through the night, i suddenly spot a proprietor of aforementioned bar. so i remark to nobody in particular "oh! look who it is…" and as he approaches, a scenario from a recent encounter abruptly replays in my head, wherein a certain chef in whose restaurant i dine in practically EVERY WEEK urges me not to blagh about "the cockroach" or he’ll "kill [me]." but when i counter "fine. then give me something else to bloog about instead," he responds with some stupid already relatively prevalent opinion about a different fellow restaurateur (which i essentially can’t blog about anyways cuz then two prominent colleagues of the industry would just be beefin with each other for absolutely no valid substantial reason whatsoever. and believe it or not, i’m not that kind of "blogger") rather than just allowing me to blerg about his new upcoming project. which then evidently gets "scooped" by the biggest fucking ass sucking jerkhead on the face of cyberspace instead. but whatever
i digress.

anyhoo. so the proprietor approaches and after initial pleasantries about the family, lugano switzerland, and the prevailing astrological planetary alignment— the conversation turns to the current progression of the new underground ChinatownBrasserie.
unfortunately, there isn’t much fascinating enlightenment left to dispense. except for maybe:

it may (or may not) open "in four or five weeks." because "once construction is started, it should be boom boom very fast bang it out very fast" seeing as "it’s really just a tweak" anyways. once that room opens, the current ‘chinatown’ upstairs will close down to allow for construction of josh-capon‘s and robert-collins‘s new project, but that will take "much longer" since the architect isn’t "entirely 100% sure" what he’s going to do yet, despite having already "bought some things" for the space.
also, he evidently aha ha ahaa "[has] ADD" so you know how that is.
but all in all "it should be fun" (yes i’m sure). no really— it "should be a lot of fun."

that’s it.

ahahahahaa well. i mean
actually that’s not IT— but as usual, everything else all the really good shit is off the fucking record.

• Which two longstanding nightlife impresarios have unexpectedly teamed up and are "thisclose" to inking a deal for a multi-level space in the West Village? Given their well-earned reputations (and the location of the building), this new venture could either be a smash hit of Waverly-Innsian proportions or a disaster of Beatrice-Innsian debacle-ness. At the very least, it should be fun to watch. For insiders, that is, since you won’t find anyone involved with the project offering up previews or preliminary information of any kind.
As per usual, you read it here first.
Now sssssshhhhhhhhhh…!

• Which not-so-longstanding F&B/nightlife impresario is "thisclose" to inking a deal with an established downtown restaurateur/operator? We have one word of advice, though: Better think twice about that "unbelievable" location. The community board for that district recently shot down a proposal for a restaurant on that very same street. Given the logistics of the projected impending business, putting all the eggs in that building’s basket may just be a colossal waste of time and energy.
OK, actually we have two words of advice (here’s one specifically for the restaurateur): Given the track record of said "impresario," putting any eggs in that big-cheese’s basket may just be a colossal waste of time and energy.
Don’t say we never warned you. But feel free to go ahead and learn the hard way if you must.

image by Shari Davis

SPOTTED:

– Matt Damon filming an upcoming movie on West 4th Street, wearing a pinstripe suit. Trailers, film crew and general chaos everywhere. Looking pretty good. Maybe not Jason Bourne good, but definitely not bad, either.

– Philip Seymour Hoffman having late lunch with a gentleman friend at Sant Ambroeus, watching Matt Damon filming an upcoming movie right up the street.

– Owen Wilson at the Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom (we hate the name QT). Apparently alone, but seemingly enjoying the spectacle and festivities. All smiles jubilantly all night long. Sticking out of the resplendence like a sore thumb busted nose in his battered fedora and tee-shirt.

– Charlie Walk at Abe & Arthur. Party of two hundred and twelve. Table hopping and happy as a clam. Go, Charlie.

– Wesley Wang at Abe & Arthur. Party of three hundred and fourteen. Super hot babes in tow. Go, Wes.

– Timothy and Helen Lee Schifter at the Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom. Homegirl looks pretty good, actually. Great dress. Sweet shoes.

The Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, Gansevoort 69

• The Standard Grill •

Much has improved over the weeks at "the standard," but probably not your chances of getting a dinner table during prime time (especially now that an autumnal chill is descending upon us, and the outdoor cafe/patio is no longer an agreeable availability). However, breakfast, lunch and brunch are now being offered as a gratifying alternative to your usual jaunt to Pastis.
Steak is your best bet, with the roast chicken at a close second. "Ranch burger" is a little dry (even at medium rare), but the fries are excellent (and "a Keith McNally favorite.")
A side of sugar snap peas surprisingly gets the win over appealingly offered but much too salty brussel sprouts. Potato and corn pancakes seem like a good idea but end up falling short.

Stop being such a self-important, pretentious snob and just take those seats at the open kitchen being offered to you. You’ll enjoy the show and have the advantage of being perched above all others for the greatest vantage point of the room. So what if you have to swivel sideways every now and again and occasionally have to shout over the clattering din (and the chef/expeditor).

Who do you think you are, anyway? Russell Crowe?

• Abe & Arthur’s •

Don’t believe the hype; the room is nice and all, but the square footage doesn’t quite live up to these fish-eyed lenses colored pencils. It’s a fair enough rendition, however— much in the same way "the general" isn’t exactly seven inches. And make no mistake; you’ll find no vestiges of the exotic/romantic Lotus here— this baby is "billionaire boy’s club" all day every day.
No wonder the menu is trite and uninspired and doesn’t apologize for it, either. But hey, the french fries are pretty good.

Judging from the caliber of the inaugural clientele, the food isn’t the point anyway, Miss Scarlet. So grab a party bus full of the good ole boys and head on down here with a smattering of strippers gorgeous gal pals to gnaw on some bloody meat. Save some room on that Centurion Card for a bottle or ten at basement nightclub Simyone after dinner. Tell them Lyor Cohen sent you.

• Gansevoort 69 •

Oh, hallowed Florent, where art thou?

Don’t get too nostalgic though; this is a pretty good effort with a decent denouement. Sure, you have more little piggies on your left foot than they have entrees on the menu, but what do you care what you’re eating? You’re in the Meatpacking District for fuck’s sake.

Go with the Fish & Chips; they’re actually pretty good. The french fries are awesome and the deep fried caper berries are a great unexpected touch. The bacon-wrapped meatloaf, on the other hand, is over the top enough to leave you looking for your Lipitor. The payoff doesn’t quite measure up to the risk.

The bartender is an affable chap, as are those two teeeeeny tiny itsy bitsy matching blonde bookend waitresses. Trust me, though— skip the wine list options and go straight for the hard stuff.

The Boom Boom Room
(or whatever it’s called) at The Standard Hotel

yah so by now you’ve heard so much about the BoomBoom, you probably feel like you’ve already been there, yes?
slow down, skippy. it’s worth a real live flesh and blood visit anyways. that shit is hott.

sigh. if you can get in.

but fear not, bitches. it’s actually not as hard as everybody makes it out to be. not for YOU, anyways. cuz gawd knows you wouldn’t even be here reading this right now if you weren’t fabulous, am i right?

don’t get me wrong, it CAN be a bit of a chore if you don’t have the skinny, of course. so here’s the 411 google.

it aint open at 4PM, 6PM, or even 8PM. anymore. (for now.)
apparently it opens at 9PM. you’re welcome.
cuz fer sure you were not about to get that information by asking anybody working inside the hotel or the restaurants. holy oh my shit— they are so fucking cryptic about it (ugh bloggers ruin everything!), it’s like fucking fort knox up in that mutherfukker. nobody knows what the hells is going on. or at least they don’t want to tell you what the hells is going on. even the really nice doorman who goes and asks three different peoples on your behalf what the hells is going on will only come back to tell you he doesn’t know whether or not anybody knows what the hells is going on.

and when somebody finally offers up the morsel of information "if the red light is on, it’s open"— that’s a lie.

and to top it all off, no joke— the DOZEN OR SO peoples employed at theStandard you’re very well acquainted with personally— all have the fucking night off.
GAAUGH.

but it’s okay it’s all good.

cuz when you eventually figure out IT OPENS AT 9PM, you will subsequently suddenly find people at the side entrance who are more than happy to accommodate you, and your ass will breeze right through like it was never a damned problem in the first place.

ha ha ahaa umm if you "belong" that is?
siiiigh what can i tell you. if you are even bothering to wonder right now whether or not you "belong" then maybe save yourself the hassle and stay yer ass at home.

oh but here’s a little bit of a tip for you (even if you do "belong"):

see, supposedly even agyness-deyn was turned away last week. now—
if you’ve ever seen agyness-deyn runnin round town as is her wont, then you know homegirl dresses like a typical brooklyn broke assed homeless hipster street urchin.
well, sorry bitches. supermodel or no supermodel, BoomBoomRoom clearly aint feelin your st.mark’s place fedora. they don’t think your canvas converse are cute OR ironic.

all you have to do is take one look at the room to know this. every man who works there is wearing a tie. yah even kamil-parchomienko— and i would bet cash money he never even OWNED a necktie before the BoomBoomRoom opened.
so ya know. if you really wanna go, work it out.

oh and by the way. contrary to popular belief, "knowing" kamil-parchomienko aint gonna help you get in AT ALL. cuz you can’t get that boy on the horn for anything, i don’t care how many times he’s called you "baybee."
once you get inside though, oh! it’s so so nice to see him.

and everybody else too. seriously, that crowd is fierce.

anyhoo. i left right when it started to get really boisterous around 11:30PM, but i still got to see owen-wilson sitting at the bar. (okay fine— HE can dress like shit if he wants to. but he’s owen-wilson and you’re not.)

**check the latest UPDATE on “the BoomBoom.”**

Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon 1999 – Napa Valley, California
Cost: $110/bottle purchased in 2002
Consumed: 2009