F&F: Crown

September 30th, 2011 by abbe diaz


PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !



What was your first impression?
Swanky, it’s kinda pretty actually. Maybe even the nicest of "the lot" (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, The Dutch, Vintry Wine & Whiskey, Rabbit in the Moon, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)

Please rate the Bar:
It’s very nice— except for the lack of seats. Sorry, never been of fan of standing-room-only imbibing. It’s a possibility that this is temporary, maybe the joint is just new and stools are coming eventually (it happens sometimes). But I wouldn’t hold my breath for them though, cuz it looks like once they arrive there won’t be much room behind the stools for any kind of traffic whatsoever— the walkway from the entrance to the dining room, past the bar, is reeeally narrow— so it’s probably safe to assume the stools won’t arrive until after the primary heyday period. And by then… well, you likely will have moved on the the next deLucie hotspot, yes?

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The cocktails are great, intriguing and creative. Fresh ingredients, quality liquors, expert mixology, beautiful glassware… oh, but you pay for what you get, all right.
The wine list too is discerning and good, and a bit more reasonable than you might expect. Uhh, maybe (See below*).

Please rate the Dining Room:
Also pretty, but ya know— kinda typical. (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, Rabbit in the Moon, Casa Lever, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)

Please rate the BOH:
Ha ha ahaa oh please. Like you give a shit.

How was the staff?
They’re fine, perfectly proficient if not exactly amiable (except for Joe, but I already knew him from elsewhere— but I was impressed he remembered me).
Hee eheee, the front desk is just a wee humorless; I’d asked if we could leave our names so he could "check with John deLucie to see if we’re worthy of being included in the database," and he was all "aww, come on…" as if I were being ludicrous or something.
Well, it turned out we already were in the database after all, but then we only scored a 6:30 on a Wednesday, so we must not have been marked "PX." I mean, if it were me running that OpenTable for example, I’d have changed us to PX just for our blatant display of sagacity and awesome comedic wit. Also, I probably wouldn’t be harping on about it so much right now, except for "Ferret"s ex-wife apparently getting an 8:30, which must mean she somehow qualifies as a PX whereas we don’t. And to me that’s just fucking hilarious.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Oh gimme a break. No, seriously? Like you care : And if you do care, you should probably keep it to yourself. Otherwise then you’ll maybe sound as goofy as the couple seated next to us (yea, clearly also not PX, what with their 6:15 and all) tittering to each other like they never had dinner in New York City before— and then ingratiating themselves to John deLucie with their business card right after their meal. I mean, anybody who would dine that elatedly at 6PM then ask the chef a question like "Do you know Dr. So and So?!" has gotta live in like Long Island or something, sorry. Or maybe that’s just a UES thing, honestly I don’t know.
But fine, we had the tuna nicoise, the salmon tartare, the seafod salad, the ravioli, and the pork something-or-other (? that tasted like ham)— just to give you an idea of the menu. But I swear if you force me to elaborate, I think I might just totally burn down this website, my book, the manuscript for my next book, all the scripts for the rest of the whole shebang, and the fucking Facebook® fan page. Because then I will have QUIT, bitches.
(P.S. No biscuits, though.)

What did you like?
Now I get to say "been there, done that." Godd, I’m cool.

What did you dislike?
That I’m a big enough tool that I neeeed to say, "Been there, done that. Godd, I’m cool."

What was your last impression?
What in the world is with the haunted POS system? Is that Micros? Is it used or refurbished or made in China or something?
Just a word of advice: make sure you take a good look at your check at the end of the night. Cuz *the wine bottles just miiight be priced $20 higher than the wine list dictates, and although the appetizers don’t actually appear invoiced on the bill, somehow their costs are added to the total sum anyways. So ya know, you might then have to spend sorta an inordinate amount of time calculating in your head the possibility of any further discrepancies.
What— I’m not cheap nor anal; it’s the principle, mutherfukkers.

Would you come back?
It’s not exactly my neighborhood…

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
To quote former New York Times critic Frank Bruni: "xoxo"!



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Have you heard?
Until the release of PX Me (Spring 2012), this website will henceforth be updated only intermittently (approximately once or twice a week).
Abbe Diaz’s new (daily) blog is now at: abbediaz.com



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