“eew, that’s Gabriel Snyder.”

July 15th, 2009 by abbe diaz

snyder

OMG the hipsters are taking over. ugh. gagh. blergh. BLECCCH.

last night was dinner at one of my favoritest places. and can you fucking believe it– one of my most UNfavoritest creepfaces on the planet was there. what the fuck. shouldn’t he be on a stoop or a rooftop or in some internet cafe or some shit in brooklyn somewheres? i mean– SURELY the west village is too bourgeois for him, no? GO AWAY JERKHEAD.

yah so
there i am trying to enjoy my dinner at my regular weekly haunt when, lo and behold, who should come and plop his dorky ass at the table right behind me. gabriel "dweebface" snyder. nice sneakers, scrotumhead. whassa matter– Goodwill was out of Hush Puppies?

so right away (after i suppress the bile bubbling forth and ingurgitate my cud and overcome my gag reflex and roll my eyes into my head) i say to my date: "eew. that’s gabriel snyder." and then i explain who gabriel snyder is.

my date responds: "ohhhh… should i say something to him?" and starts to rise out of his seat.
but i stop him.

why?

because (aside from the fundamental axiom he shouldn’t fight my battles for me) gabriel-snyder just happens to be sitting with richard-johnson, paula-froelich, corynne-steindler, chris-wilson, tom-sykes, and a half dozen other gawd only knows who elses. in other words, ya know– i was suddenly overwhelmed by visions of an imperial shihtzu in a pool of piranhas, if you hear what i’m sayin.

some other time, gabriel-snyder.
BITE ME, BITCH.

 

** See also: The UPDATE on Gabriel Snyder**

 

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One Response to ““eew, that’s Gabriel Snyder.””

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Dork isn’t even the word. Asshole is more like it. I actually found this page by Googling “Gabriel Snyder is an asshole.”

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