For want of a better title to depict today’s issue, I’ve decided to start a new PX This feature, wherein we address all the overemphasized, overembellished, over-hyped drivel we’re totally sick of.
Why, you ask? As in— if we’re sick of it, why are even discussing it? Well, that’s a very good point. However, I’ve spent some time lately familiarizing myself with the search engine keywords guiding our fair visitors (in an effort to be a more informative "blah-grrr"), and I’ve deduced there are indeed a whole lot of people out there in need of our unique and keenly knowledgeable insight, particularly to assist in weeding through all that misleading overemphasized, overembellished, over-hyped drivel out there.
Yes, it’s a rough job, but somebody’s gotta do it.
You’re welcome!
Are We Sick of Josh Ozersky Yet?
The answer is naturally: Yes, of course we are. We’re sick to death of him.
But, we still couldn’t help but be eye-rollingly amused by tools-of-a-feather, circle-jerk-brethren, ethics-lacking "journalist" Joshua David Stein’s hare-brained defense of his pal, Josh Ozersky— titled (or rather, mis-titled), "Why People are Really Pissed at Josh Ozersky."
In it, Stein unleashes a staggering god-knows-how-many words in some kind of spurious attempt to elucidate the reader with an answer to his superfluous question. And yet somehow still fails to surmise the obvious:
People Are Really Pissed at Josh Ozersky Because He is a Glaringly Clueless, Over-Bloated, Publicist-Indentured, Sycophantic, Unethical, Freeloading Tool.
Luckily! — The comments section of said article provide ample (hilarious) enlightenment.
To wit:
"Pretty good but a major reason (probably THE major reason) for people dogpiling on Ozersly is that he just isn’t that great at what he does (his fact-checking is horrific, which suggests that his depth of knowledge of his subject matter is shallow), but he’s a cocky bastard. He’s also an utterly shameless self-promoter. And he goes way beyond a free meal or a free bottle of booze here and there. The guy has elevated, or dropped pay-for-press to a new level. The La Frieda and Hanson stuff is especially egregious. He makes himself extremely easy to hate and all of this is his own fault."
http://eater.com/archives/2010/07/02/why-people-are-really-pissed-at-josh-ozersky.php#comment-605684
"Most internet food writing (blogging, whatever) is just the regurgitation of press releases. That’s why they’re always talking about the same things at the same time and why so many of them publish the same error-riddled stories. It’s basically block-save "writing" (don’t call it journalism, because it isn’t) by callow people who know very lttle about their subject. The worst cases, like Ozersky, actually believe that they are expert in their field. And they’re easily bought off, usually for cheap. Ozersky just upped the ante in the low-rent, freeloading game with this $50,000 or so boondoggle. He’s the shit king of turd mountain now."
http://eater.com/archives/2010/07/02/why-people-are-really-pissed-at-josh-ozersky.php#comment-605786
Yeah, of the 32 or so comments attached (not to mention the pretentious, verbose article) that essentially pretty much sums up the solution to the conundrum right there. And we didn’t even have to write it! (Neither, apparently, should have Stein.)
We’re just sayin’ elaboratin’.
**********************************************************
** See also (earlier):
• Grubstreet (& Gridskipper): Ignorant (& Stupid)
• NEWSFLASH: Josh Ozersky is Unethical
• Gawker Loses “Ignorasshole”
• NEWSFLASH: Josh Ozersky is a Dweeb
• Abbe Diaz vs Gawker
*** For more on this subject, read PX This Too – The Sequel to PX This – Coming Soon in the Autmn of 2010 ***
GREATEST HITS: theForum@px.this
PX This hereby presents The Forum’s Greatest Hits, a thread-by-thread archive of the most fascinating discussions from "theForum@px.this" — our online F&B oriented community IP.Board (founded in 2007) made virtually obsolete by the re-launch of theBlahg, pxthis.com, on August 31, 2009.
[theForum@px.this will be fully and permanently dismantled upon the definitive completion of its archive.]
THE HOSTESS DIARIES CONSPIRACY
Started: May 27, 2008. 12:47 PM by (Forum Administrator) *jo* • Closed: June 22, 2010 11:56PM • Archived at 15,935 Views
PRIMARY SUBJECT : New York Times article "My Year at a Hotspot" by Coco Henson Scales, July 11, 2004
ADJUNCT SUBJECTS : Former gawker.com Managing Editor Choire Sicha, Former New York Times food critic Frank Bruni, Former Hue hostess Coco Henson Scales (and friend, William Diggs)
GIST OF TOPIC : Did Choire Sicha and/or Coco Scales (along with Frank Bruni) "conspire" to misappropriate the subject matter in PX This for their own glorification and/or personal gain?
SIGNIFICANCE: In June of 2004, Abbe Diaz purchases a short-running advertising spot within gawker.com to help publicize her book, PX This (Diary of the "Maitre d’ to the Stars"). Within several weeks of that advertisement, the aforementioned article in question, “My Year at a Hotspot,” appears in The New York Times, ostensibly written by former (prominent PX This "character" Karim Amatullah’s) Hue hostess, Coco Henson Scales.
Gawker Editor Choire Sicha declares the article the "best celebrity venality exposé ever!" and goes on to exhort, "if Gawker had a required reading syllabus, it would consist entirely of this article." He then further exalts the article by declaring Coco Scales "The People’s Hero" on his personal blog as well, choiresicha.com (now semi-defunct).
Within hours, "fans" of PX This ("anywhere from 15 to 35 people") send e-mails to Sicha drawing attention to Diaz’s book, with at least one pointing out Diaz’s status as a former advertiser. Diaz herself forwards a mention of her book in the Daily News to Sicha. Sicha responds via e-mail to Diaz (and at least one "enthusiast") but, despite referring to himself as a “big fan,” fails to publicly acknowledge the existence of Diaz’s book in any way.
It is later discovered the climax of Scales’s riveting narrative is completely fictional. Upon speculation as to how a fictional essay (by a previously unknown/unpublished writer) could possibly appear in the New York Times as a non-fictional feature in the first place, it is discovered Choire Sicha "dated Times restaurant critic Frank Bruni for a few months."
Scales has written nothing since.
RATING: ★★★★
WHAT THE STARS MEAN: Ratings range from zero to five stars and reflect the discussion’s entertainment value, from amusing to hilarious, with edification taken into consideration. Hyperlinks contained within are subject to change.
The archives of theForum@px.this have been edited for the sake of clarity, brevity, and squeakiness. [If you require an original unedited copy of the discussion, please e-mail px.this@gmail.com]
***********************************************
*Pictured (from boston.com): Choire Sicha, Former Gawker blogger, Emily Gould
** See also (earlier): Gawker Loses "Ignorasshole"
For more on this subject, read PX This Too – The Sequel to PX This – Coming Soon in the Autumn of 2010
omg i just found my newest favorite website everrr!
actually, i’m not entirely sure what they do really— frankly they could simply blog "all work and no play makes jack a dull boy" over and over and over again but it would still be my favorite website ever. just cuz of the title and "logo."
but now i’m scared cuz the last time i named my favorite blog everrr, they promptly turned idiotarded like practically overnight. also i’m deathly afraid these anonymous bloggers are just former gawker ignorassholes or some shit, looking for their next book deal, like This is Why You’re Stupid or Postcards From Your Asshole or whatever those bloggetty books are called. (it’s on tumblr, see. that’s the official gawker ignorasshole blog server— most likely cuz it’s free, and we alls know that despite all their arrogance and pretentiousness, gaaahwkers are actually broke as shit. i mean— if ShutUpFoodie is actually any good, i’ll give them the fucking $40 it takes to run a real website, for fuck’s sake.)
anyways. yah. it’s awesome.
i’m just sayin.
Underground parties land cool new Nolita club Kenmare in hot water [the Daily News]
"New A-list hot spot Kenmare wound up in hot water after State Liquor Authority officials read about underground parties there in the gossip pages, the Daily News has learned… But that’s not how the owners of Kenmare portrayed the spot to the State Liquor Authority when it was granted a liquor license in early February… ‘We are paying close attention to them,’ said SLA Deputy Chief Executive Officer Michael Jones. ‘They are supposed to be operating as a restaurant.’ …Kenmare could face penalties as severe as losing its liquor license."
Huh. Is that right?
Well, hmm— what was that you said again, Gawker? Something about our original breaking coverage on the transformation of the former Civetta being "not true," right after you misquoted us and incorrectly paraphrased our bulletin?
Oh but wait, we do admit perhaps we were somewhat remiss when we later mused, "…what does ‘the new Beatrice’ even mean?" and subsequently suggested you were "narrow-minded, short-sighted… ignorant" and "asinine" for creating such a nonsensical description of Kenmare née Civetta in the first place.
I guess we should apologize. We kinda totally ‘get it’ now.
Gee, it looks like Kenmare may very well be "the new Beatrice" after all.
**See also (earlier):
• Civetta Closing – "New Concept" to Come
"eew, that’s gabriel-snyder" [UPDATE]
Right now, most of you are likely asking, "Who the hell is Gabriel Snyder?" Well, let me remind you!
Gabriel Snyder is the former managing editor of a website called Gawker. As you may or may not realize, PX This has a long, long, sordid history with Gawker. Well, to make a lengthy story short: Our founder, Abbe Diaz, was once a fan of Gawker. She was an early advertiser with them, a longtime avid, insightful "commenter" and even the subject of several of Gawker’s blog posts. Then one day, Gabriel Snyder effectively censored Abbe Diaz’s opinion by "banning" her without just cause or valid explanation, in a manner contrary and hypocritical to Gawker’s ostensible comment/discussion system.
This just in: Gabriel Snyder has been replaced as managing editor of Gawker.
I know what you’re thinking – "That’s so amazing, Dick Johnson! You’re so awesome!" [Thank you!]
But, you’re also thinking, "Really, though, who gives a shit about that dweeb? We actually don’t really care."
Yes, I know, I see your point. But, there is another point I wanted to make:
See the "[UPDATE]" in the title of this post up top?
Well, that’s how you do an update, you fucking scumbags.
For more on this story, please read PX This Too – Coming in the Spring of 2010
Lately, it has come to our attention that the link to the original “Good Night, Mr. Lewis” story on Abbe Diaz is permanently defunct, possibly due to Steve Lewis’s defection last year from Joonbug to BlackBook magazine. Due to popular demand, we hereby re-create the entire article but, for the sake of clarity, verity and comprehension, have taken the liberty of editing those portions in which the original was remiss (a copy of the article in its original un-edited state is currently hosted here).
Abbe Diaz: Talk Loudly And Carry A Big Stick…Too (Part Three)
Over the past two days I’ve spoken with Abbe Diaz (see part one and part two). Continue after the jump for the third and final part of my conversation with Abbe.
Steve Lewis: Did you miss me?
Abbe Diaz: Of course, I miss you everyday. Well not anymore, cuz now I can read all about you. That Down by the Hipster thing was so funny.
SL: Did you see what I wrote.
AD: I did.
SL: No, you didn’t, you saw what he made me write. I’m a mellow guy now. Josh was right, I took the high road. It did make me laugh. My girl teased me about it.
AD: Oh, you have it light. If you had any clue what people say about me, to me, at me.
SL: So you were talking about what people say about you. Tell me why anybody would attack you?
AD: Good fucking question.
OK, honestly I know the answer; it’s just a snowball thing.
SL: You attacked the powers that be. If you attack someone in his castle he will throw stones down upon you forever.
AD: Maybe.
SL: OK, you tell me, why? Why are you being attacked?
AD: I sort of narrowed it down to episodes here and there. They do snowball. It’s very small communities, these writer— blogger— shitheads.
JoonBug: People like Gawker and Eater.
AD: What happens is one of them says something bullshittish and I’m supposed to be like "Whatever." But, I’m not— I’m like, "Fuck you."
SL: Eater is this big website; Ben Leventhal is the guy’s name.
AD: Giant Ass. Apparently from what I gather there are a couple of partners. One guy is cool, he’s totally cool, but the other one, what is his problem?
SL: Good Cop, Bad Cop?
AD: No, he’s just an ass.
SL: What I meant was sometimes in business one guy’s really nice and one guy’s a real asshole, and the good guy can always say, "Hey, I’d love to do it, but my partner won’t." That’s good cop, bad cop. Maybe Ben is the bad cop in their relationship.
AD: Mmm… you know it’s kind of a misunderstanding, but not really a misunderstanding. I launched the forum on like March 14th, and the following day there was some stuff about some restaurant. It just so happened that that chef of that restaurant wants to come to the industry forum— and that’s what it’s there for— and vent, you know, about some shit. So that’s fine, vent— but it just so happened that she was venting about the man I’m dating. Check that shit out, isn’t that crazy? That’s like cosmic freakiness. So she goes and she spouts blah blah blah. Now just picture it, someone comes on your blog to your little comment section and says nasty things about your girlfriend. Wouldn’t you be upset?
SL: Not me, ‘cause I know my girl. She’s 5’11” and she will knock the motherfucker out.
AD: But he won’t knock someone out, that’s the problem, he’s a lover not a fighter… Then of course this whole thing gets blown up all out of proportion and it gets found out that that chef is friends with Ben Leventhal…
…What he does [with Eater] now, I don’t agree with… what we do is different, I don’t have ads on my site, I’m not a business, I am a "blog" in the purest sense. I don’t make any money on it, so if I use my blog as my voice then hey, that’s what it’s there for. But, he uses this supposedly objective website for his own personal agenda, and to me there’s just something not quite right about that. Or if you are going to do that at least have the balls to put it right out there and sign your name to it.
SL: I’m going to disagree with you. I say a blog is your personal agenda.
AD: OK, some. In yours, in mine.
SL: I’m saying, just because they’re making money at it doesn’t mean that they can’t have a personal agenda too.
AD: OK, that’s fine. Then be honest about it. Say, look, this is my problem, I don’t like you cuz such and such said this about so and so, and that person’s my friend.
SL: But, that’s your job, because you’re the one who exposes these things. Down By The Hipster, they’re the ones who are exposing these things. Guys like me, I don’t really expose too much, I try not to gossip. You can do it, you can bang back at him. Why don’t you bang back at him?
AD: Oh, I do. But that’s what so annoying— cuz it’s like he doesn’t just attack me, he attacks the people and the places and the events around me, which is not right. You don’t go and fuck with innocent people’s shit just because you have a fucking problem… Watch, I’m going to take so much shit for this. I know it.
SL: Well do you want us to print this or not?
AD: Oh I don’t know. On the one hand I don’t care, on the other hand, I’m so tired of this nonsense.
SL: Let me tell you something about you. I think you’re hot, I think you’re a beautiful girl. But, the hottest thing about Abbe Diaz is she’s got balls and she’s got brains and she’s never going to take shit.
AD: Who would? If somebody gets all in your shit, who’s gonna be like, "Eh."
SL: Most of the world, Abbe. Most of the world takes shit from other people. You get out there and write a book, that’s why you’re controversial because you don’t take shit. The rest of the world takes shit. I don’t take shit too much, well much more than I used to…
AD: I don’t think people take shit, I just think that they’re not up front about not taking their shit. What’s it called? Passive aggressive.
SL: But you get in people’s faces.
AD: You know— look, if someone attacks you, you’re going to slap them back, right across the face. That’s the part that I don’t understand— cuz, like— me, I slap back and they go, "Oh my god, we totally started it, but can you believe she slapped us back?! She’s awful, what a bitch crazy nut job."
SL: Abbe, you are a fighter, and that’s why you’re relevant and that’s why I’m interviewing you today.
AD: But you watch, mark my words. You’ve been doing so well and who’s this kid, the one on Gawker that likes you so much, Hamilton Nolan.
SL: I don’t know.
AD: He’s fucking in love with you. And then I’ve seen you on Grub Street, Josh Ozersky, whatever, I guess he kinda likes you too. Guaranteed, mark my words, this interview will never hit either one of those blogs. This interview, no fucking way.
SL: Because they don’t like you so therefore you’re irrelevant, is that what you’re saying? Look, if you said something Ghandi-esque, or incredibly beautiful, earth shattering, you don’t think it would appear anywhere?
AD: Are you joking? Totally… Josh Stein, that jerk face, do you know who that is?
JoonBug: No.
AD: He used to write for Gawker, and now he does cameos covering that Top Chef thing. He said the most awful thing about me with a full on post with my picture and everything, and all of it was untrue. So, I turn around and I’m like you mother fucker, none of that is true. Even New York magazine’s Grub Street proved him wrong.
SL: So you got your point across using your blog and your side was told.
AD: Basically, I guess. But then, essentially as an answer to what he said, I pulled out this beautiful Gabriel Garcia Marquez quote— do you ever think it saw the light of day? They should have retracted or updated or something.
SL: Now what did you do?
AD: They accused me of being another anonymous blogger… It turns out we’re friendly now, because it was just such a hilarious thing. So they accused me of being her, and it was flat out proven that that blogger was not me. In fact, her story is ten times more interesting than mine, she’s like the "three million dollar bartender" from Boston, you know.
SL: What is a three million dollar bartender?
AD: She got a three million dollar tip to go open her own place.
SL: She must have made a great drink.
AD: Ha haa, I ain’t going there… She’s a friend of mine, sorry… So they accused me of being that blogger, because she was blogging some hilarious things about some people. So they were like, "there goes bashit crazy Abbe Diaz again…" But then when it comes out in the open that it’s not me, you think they would be like, "My bad, it wasn’t Abbe Diaz after all," wouldn’t you?
SL: It’s not like the papers, which is a slower medium, this blog stuff moves fast.
AD: All they would have to do, like they do with so many other stories, is update. An "update" is a very standard thing for bloggers to do.
SL: Well let’s update it right now. Oh, I guess we did we just did.
AD: Do you really think this is going to be on Gawker tomorrow? No way! This is my point, my simple point. Your question, "What if I were to say something beautiful?" — Well, this is a prime example, I did say something beautiful— I was using somebody else’s words, but I was so proud of myself on that rebuttal, I was patting myself on the back. Did anyone ever see it? On my blog, sure.
SL: Let me say something. Abbe you’re an incredible person. I sweat you. I think you’re the coolest. You are beautiful, dynamic, unbelievable, and I’m really glad my readers will get to know you.
AD: Thank you Steve Lewis. But, it’s all for naught. You’ll see.
…
I am a neophyte in this world of blogs. I did get my dander up a few times when something said about me seemed unfair. Maybe I haven’t gotten big enough here to be attacked as Abbe seems to be attacked. The blogosphere fascinates me. I come from a different place. You booked an act or party, you printed an invite, and you had all these kids standing on corners near clubs handing them out, and then that night you opened the doors, the people come, you had a party, and at the end of the night you counted the money. Rinse and repeat. There was a physical connect with the consumer through that flyer and there was time to think, as events were promoted at least a week in advance. Pauses could be taken for breaths, reflections, or even diversions. It’s so fast now. I write this, press the send button, and in an hour you read it. Text messaging redirects consumers from one club to another in the middle of the party. Cell phone calls and emails reach countless masses instantly. I get fifty invites a day to parties happening tonight, tomorrow or sometimes in an hour.
Silicon and plastic have created a distance between the club operator and the consumer. Even if you wanted to punch someone in the nose it would just be an image on MySpace or Facebook and the impact and satisfaction just wouldn’t be the same.
Good Night,
Mr. Lewis
Interview conducted and written by Steve Lewis.
Interview has been edited and condensed.
MORE on Sevigny & Khan (& Civetta. Sort of.)
When we broke the story on Civetta’s closing, little did we realize it would become the *Nightlife Bloggers’ SAT on Reading Comprehension. Or maybe that’s more like the Jellus Bloggers’ SAT on Integrity and Pettiness? Whatever! We digress.
This just in from a tipster: "Did you see your old buddy Steve [Lewis]’s column today? Funny how Nur [Khan] supposedly denies working with Paul [Sevigny]… from what I hear, they maybe are looking into a space in SoHo together, and Brad Zipper is their money guy… I don’t know how (or if) he fits into Civetta, though."
Another source adds: "…I have seen Brad [Zipper] at Civetta a couple times — he does live around the corner and is quite friendly with the staff… but I wouldn’t say that he’s involved in Civetta…"
And yet a third ‘insider’ speculates: "If I had to make a semi-educated guess, I’d say it could be possible there are two deals in the works? If the so-called SoHo space with Zipper is a go, it might still be a ways off… the Civetta thing would be a way for them to start up now, get their feet wet, then move along to the next project once that’s in the swing of things…"
*By the way, what does "the new Beatrice" even mean? As far as we know, The Beatrice Inn is closed, indefinitely— just as we predicted (despite various uninformed opinions throughout the blogosphere contrary to our deduction). When Eric Goode & Co opened MK, did they call it "the new" Area? When Peter Gatien built Club USA, was it called "the new" Limelight? Hmm, perhaps they were— by those who were narrow-minded, shortsighted and ignorant.
The Beatrice Inn was the name of the space at 258 W 12th St, long before Matt Abramcyk and Paul Sevigny took over. For anyone to take that very same name and apply it to another location would, in short, be asinine.
Might we suggest pulling your head out of your navel for a change, and try some real erudition on for size. You might be amazed at what you can learn about reality and our industry if you just freed your hands from that circle jerk, and say (for example)— picked up a book every once in a while.
okay well thanks to the peoples who forwarded along all the hoopla about MinettaTavern and former Gawker whatever jesse-oxfeld. at first i thought it was kinda amusing, but i wasn’t going to address it because— well quite frankly, who gives a shit. woooo somebody who is not a PX got treated like dog poop by a "hott" restaurant! wow that is such the newsflash, i’m amazed there isn’t a whole fucking book about it.
oh wait right, there is. dipshits.
but whatever. you want the astoundingly brilliant wisdom i have come to be known far and wide across the interwebs for distilling with such consistency and remarkable aplomb?
you got it, bitches.
yah so.
okay when i read alls about what (allegedly?) happened, my first instinct was:
aha ha ha ha ahaaah i aint buyin it.
oh i mean— of coooourse i buy the part about some geeky writer dude getting dissed by MinettaTavern. i mean like, DUH.
but sorrrry, i don’t believe the keith-mcnally responsive "excuse" for one second.
you’re dying to know why, aren’t you?
well. lots of reasons!
but mainly cuz i feel like "oh child, i have BEEN THERE, honey."
see, i never had the (assuredly awesome) experience of working for keith-mcnally, but i have worked for his brother brian-mcnally (as you’re all well aware).
anyways one time, a former manager of Pastis told me it’s pretty much "the same" situation. and i believe it cuz even keith-mcnally’s beautiful and enchanting wife alina-johnson.mcnally a whiles ago remarked to me how she and her hubby used to "have screaming matches at the front desk" back when she was a maiterdee (wow that’s just like me and brian! without the ring, the house, and the babies). and then later a former manager of Balthazar confirmed all this with a little anecdote of his own. oh but i digress.
anyhoo
when i attempt to re-enact the whole scenario in my imagination, this is how i envision (with all the vast knowledge and undeniable insight i possess) the whole rigmarole musta gone down:
- geeky writer dude phones in, can’t get his rezzie, blah blah, pitches a hissy fit.
- reservationist "hannan" puts him on hold, checks his name in the OpenTable database and voilà— just as she suspected— he aint shit.
but wait! maybe there’s no OpenTable? fine. so okay she does the next best (and smartest) thing: she checks with big dawg himself. just in case. cuz ya know— some of the most obnoxious peoples on the telephone are often the most important peoples in the wooooorld, no?
- keith-mcnally replies to her inquiry: "jesse ox what? who the fuck is he?"
- and unfortunately, hannan doesn’t have an answer. tsk tsk bad hannan bad hannan. (that’s why you’re just a reservationist and not a maiterdee where all the big money and prestige is, hannan! start keeping up with that PageSix/GothamMag/blogger-circle-jerk, girl! unless of course this is just some stupid side gig to you, because you are too busy working on that PhD— in which case, you GO. carry on. just ignore me.)
- and so keith-mcnally decides: "i would throw out any peasant in the place…!" oh whoops, sorry! wrong restaurateur. i meant
– and so keith-mcnally decides: "eh. i’m too sexy for that clown." or something like that.
- and so hannan goes back to the telephone to inform jesse-ollyollyoxenfree he is not welcome EVERRRR. unless he wants to come at 6 or 11pm.
THEN! OMG IT’S ALLS OVER THE INTERWEBS A GEEKY WRITER DUDE GOT DISSED AAACK GAAGGH ARRRGGH SOUND THE CIRCLE JERKY ALARMS IT’S ANARCHY IT’S CHAOS AND WTF ARE THOSE BLONDE STREAK THINGIES HIS ACTUAL HAIRDO OR IS THAT SOME KIND OF BIZARRO LENS DISTORTION???!!!!
- so keith-mcnally responds to all the blogga blogga drama the only typically unimaginative way he can— he blames it all on poor stupid idiotic hannan. he claims:
"…Mr. Oxfeld was so pushy and aggressive on the telephone that she took it upon herself to distort the reservation policy to ensure that someone as unpleasant-sounding as Mr. Oxfeld would not be eating at Minetta Tavern…"
mmmm… hmm?
BULLSHIT i say.
riiiiight. hannan gives a rat’s ass WHO comes to MinettaTavern, WHY again? cuz i mean, it’s not like she CLOCKS OUT and GOES THE FUCK HOME after her shift working the phone lines or anything.
and she "took it upon herself" to brandish her sword and become the official guardian of the sanctity of the restaurant, cuz i’m sure they’ve NEVER HAD AN OBNOXIOUS PATRON BEFORE, and she really really really felt she wanted to EARN that $7.00 per hour, boy— cuz answering the neverending ringadings and saying the same exact shit a bazillion times a day simply isn’t exhibiting enough dedication to her field. right?
and let’s never mind that if mcnally’s excuse were true, hannan would soooo be FIRED right now. at least, that’s what would have happened at a brian-mcnally establishment. no wait, i’m sorry. she would be FIRED, unless she was really gorgeous and coquettish, and then she would be ‘FIRED with the option of re-employment.’
in short:
come on now. GET SERIOUS.
gawd you people are silly.
• "Dear Joshua David Stein: Admit it already. You sweat me cuz I’m fieeerce. xoxo, Abbe -Vanilla Ice
• oh look, ashley-dupré has a new song. you can check it out here, if you’re so inclined.
personally, i thought the other two were better but whatever.
i’m vaguely aware peoples alls over the internets hate ashley-dupré cuz they have nothing better to do, but steve-lewis said she’s "one of us" so that makes her okay by me. i think all the outrage or whatever is kinda totally ridiculous, cuz if peoples had any IDEA, i think they would probably realize how pretty insipid they’re being. like for example, i know at least this one girl who used to be a very high paid supermodel that got photographed by bigshot famous photographers, and even she has decided to be an expensive haute call girl. so i can undoubtedly see how somebody like poor little young asley-dupré from suburban new jersey can hop on that bandwagon too.
i’m just sayin. - abbe
• oh right (!) — cue all the "abbe diaz is a whore and fucked a bunch of B-list celebs" shit! whatever. keep up the libel, mutherfukkers. i may just decide to sue one day when you become rich (likely never) or i become bored (any minute now). check it: i’ll actually win that shit too! -abbe
• whoa wait a second. doesn’t ashley-dupre kinda look a little like julia-allison here? no seriously.
okay yah maybe a lot of you have no idea what i’m talking bout (?) so forget it never mind.
• John Lequizamo was spotted twice this week (because he’s a total stalker). First on 6th Ave and 4th St, buying cones for his kids form the softee truck, sporting a dark hipster teeshirt and black worn-in jeans. Looking sharp, papi-chulo!
Our next encounter found him bright and early in the AM having a business meeting over steaming joe at Jack’s Coffee on 10th St— talking loudly, honking louder, blowing his nose into his sweatshirt, and appearing just a tad overbloated in the face.
Looking like you just got dragged through the streets tied to the back of a Vespa, papi!
• There seems to be a slight disagreement on the estimation theBreslin will open "october first."
someone (in the comments section) says:
"they are not opening the 1st. they don’t even have a kitchen yet…
if you get invited to f&f, don’t forget to bring your wallet. and don’t accept the champagne offer, trust me. -(OK then!) Inkslinger
• Everybody is buzzing about the Boom Boom Room like busy little bees.
Oh noes! Some of the buzzing is coming from inside the house!!!! -Dick Johnson
• Here’s at least one benefit of the recession. According to a 25-year professional Waste Management veteran, the dramatic increase in businesses closing (and employees losing their jobs) has resulted in less waste. He approximates his routes alone collect about "20,000 less tons of trash " per week.
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal attempts to instruct restaurant patrons on "How to be a Regular." Unfortunately, his advice is a load of crap. Oh ha, "crap" ha! There’s a joke about trying to be "regular" somewhere in there! Probably. - Vanilla Ice
• Steve Lewis updates us on his feud with Todd English (wherein he "pulled an Abbe Diaz" (!) – his words). - Inkslinger
• Famke Janssen was spotted twice this week (because she’s a total stalker). First on Bleecker and 6th Ave (walking by the fountain) looking cute in trendy casual cargo shorts and a lovely jaunty fedora. Homegirl must be a bit of a klutz though, constantly bumping into low furnitures and whatnot, seeing as her (long! thin!) legs were looking a wee bit bruised and purply.
Our second encounter found her dining at MeKong with a diminutive female friend. Ms. Janssen didn’t seem to mind at all that the air conditioner above her head was dripping all over the table (which we had just abandoned prior, specifically for that reason). She also really loves her dog. He’s an adorable stout puggish slightly overweight nearly cross-eyed little thing, but Ms. Janssen reached down and scooped up all 15 or so pounds of him, and dined with him ensconced in her lap for the entire rest of her meal. Aww.
And if that scarf and handbag she was rockin are really actually from a street vendor like they purport, well— go on with yer bad self, Famke.
You look fabulous!
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal (characteristically) swings joyously from Keith McNally’s testicles as he announces the news McNally will team with Nate Appleman on their new soon-to-open pizzeria project. - Dick Johnson
• Our intrepid heroine takes on (Idiohack Wonder Twins) Joshua David Stein and Josh Ozersky — where else? — in the comment section of New York Magazine’s GrubStreet. A Must Read! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’s better than Moby Dick. - Dick Johnson
• Anna Wintour offspring, Bee Shaffer with dad, David Shaffer — spotted walking into "the phone store" on 6th Ave (where everrrrybody fabulous buys/services their cellular phones) to inquire about — what else? — new cellular phones.
Oh, WHICH "phone store" you ask?
Well, if you have to ask, you must not be fabulous? In which case, Mike the phone store owner responds, "Puhleese. I have enough [overbearing, annoying, demanding, rich luddite moron] customers on my hands. Thanks, but no thanks." Evidently, Mike pays mucho moola in rent for his tiny store in its swanky location. He doesn’t mind the trickle — a flood he definitely doesn’t need. If you require his services, you’ll find him.
• Blogger Choire Sicha breaks the news about (his former boyfriend) Frank Bruni’s replacement at The New York Times. Aww….(?).
Heh, jerkfaced Gawker commentators who typically swing from Sicha’s testicles (since he used to blog for Gawker) didn’t even know Choire Sicha once dated Frank Bruni! Because, despite all their pretensions, a lot of Gawker commentators are just ignorant fucking idiots. - Vanilla Ice
• Adam Platt files his review of Graydon Carter’s Monkey Bar.
"… ‘I’m not supposed to say,’ the waiter whispered, before explaining, with a conspiratorial grin, that the front-room staff at Mr. Carter’s restaurant had been asked to sign confidentiality agreements when taking their jobs…."
Thanks a lot, Abbe. I guess other aspiring waiter cum memoirists are just shit outta luck, huh? - Vanilla Ice
OMG the hipsters are taking over. ugh. gagh. blergh. BLECCCH.
last night was dinner at one of my favoritest places. and can you fucking believe it– one of my most UNfavoritest creepfaces on the planet was there. what the fuck. shouldn’t he be on a stoop or a rooftop or in some internet cafe or some shit in brooklyn somewheres? i mean– SURELY the west village is too bourgeois for him, no? GO AWAY JERKHEAD.
yah so
there i am trying to enjoy my dinner at my regular weekly haunt when, lo and behold, who should come and plop his dorky ass at the table right behind me. gabriel "dweebface" snyder. nice sneakers, scrotumhead. whassa matter– Goodwill was out of Hush Puppies?
so right away (after i suppress the bile bubbling forth and ingurgitate my cud and overcome my gag reflex and roll my eyes into my head) i say to my date: "eew. that’s gabriel snyder." and then i explain who gabriel snyder is.
my date responds: "ohhhh… should i say something to him?" and starts to rise out of his seat.
but i stop him.
why?
because (aside from the fundamental axiom he shouldn’t fight my battles for me) gabriel-snyder just happens to be sitting with richard-johnson, paula-froelich, corynne-steindler, chris-wilson, tom-sykes, and a half dozen other gawd only knows who elses. in other words, ya know– i was suddenly overwhelmed by visions of an imperial shihtzu in a pool of piranhas, if you hear what i’m sayin.
some other time, gabriel-snyder.
BITE ME, BITCH.
** See also: The UPDATE on Gabriel Snyder**
= "personne extraordinaire"