( the book )

PX This. (diary of the potted plant) is the witty, irreverent
(star-studded) four year journal of a struggling New York commercial-artist/fashion-designer moonlighting as a maitre d' at some of Manhattan's most well-known restaurants...
(more)

 

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[ the blahg ]

 

- the following "blahg"* [please scroll down] consists of excerpts from
PX This Too.
(the sequel to PX This.)
as it unfolds.
[ PX This Too release date: to be determined ]

 

 

[* warning: contains explicit language not suitable for children or sensitive individuals ]

 

[* other warning: Eats, Shoots and Ladders Leaves freaks
please CLICK HERE and HERE before reading any further.
then take that favorite book of yours and stick it up your ass.
thank you!]

 

 

please see PX This: The Greatest Hits Collection
for archived (pre-september2007) excerpts of theBlahg

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join theForum* @ PX This to:

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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2008. 2:38PM pxthis.com entry

yay i'm famous ! a couple weeks ago i did this interview thingie with this other interweb bloggetty blog, it's called Good Night Mr. Lewis dot com.


oh wait-- did i never tell about steve-lewis ? well
steve-lewis is this dude i know from another lifetime ago, like 1992 or something. he used to work with peter-gatien too, running alls the hottest nightclubs like Limelight & Palladium & Tunnel and whatnot.
anyhoo, not so long ago he started this bloggie thing, i guess he was encouraged by this company that promotes nightclubs (or whatever). well evidently he's doing super awesomely these days (with all sorts of "traffic" in like the gazillions), cuz several weeks ago he "scooped" all the press & media & bloogeroos with some exclusive information he had about ashley-dupre (whom we alls know now as the $4300 vagina that toppled a frikkin empire. ya know-- like helen-of.troy or some shit).

yah so
it was kinda neat cuz one day i get this call out of the blue from steve-lewis and he's all: "my editor is a big fan of yours (!!) blah blaah, and like-- what the hell is your story again? alls this time i thought you were just another dress making art painting street selling kungfoo fighting hot chick on a kawasaki ninja 600R."
and then he asked me if i'd like to submit to some questioning.
so of course i responded: "hells yeah!" and a few days later i met with him and his really nice editor dude (named josh-malin).

it was a lot of fun, but ahhahhaaa--- i totally ran my mouth offs, i didn't give a flying fuck. i was spouting all sorts of stuffs, they even asked me "are you suuuuure we can print this?" eehee hee heee.
and so i decided: "whatever." lord knows being nice and doing "the right thing" has caught me pretty much nothing but grief from a bunch of stupid idiotarded ignorassholes alls this time anyways. and i checked my horoscope last week and it essentially said "FUCK THOSE BITCHES" anyhow. so-- yah.

in any case, it turns out i yappetty yapped so much, they had to break my interview down into three parts, which are running on three separate consecutive days. parts I & II are already "live" so please by all means, check them bad boys out:

click here for Part One ---> http://www.goodnightmrlewis.com/2008/04/abbe-diaz-talk.html
and here for Part Two ---> http://www.goodnightmrlewis.com/2008/04/abbe-diaz-tal-1.html

UPDATE 4.26.08: and here's Part Three ! ---> http://www.goodnightmrlewis.com/2008/04/abbe-diaz-tal-2.html personally i think it's the bestest part of all, so maybe start here and go backwards !

enjoy !
:)


• april 23, 2008. "talk loudly... but really, i don't even need no goddamned stick :) " • COMMENT on this entry (registration required

 

 

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 15, 2008. 12:28PM

last night was fun, it was the Time Out New York Eat Out Awards party thingie. i got to go cuz i was an invited guest of CentroVinoteca-- it got nominated for "best new restaurant." yay!
:)

i got to see a whole bunch of famous chefs and restaurateurs and whatnot, like: sam-mason & david-chang & anne-burrell & ryan-lowder & emil-varda & florent-morellet & of course sasha-muniak. so that was great.
it was actually kinda funny, cuz we just happened to pick some table that had plenty of open seats and right when we're inquiring "are these seats taken?" i look over and it's emil-varda. eeheee hahahahaaa

so emil-varda says to me "YES! they're taken! you can't sit here, go someplace else!" and thus i respond: "whaaaatever, bitch!" and plop my ass down directly across from that mutherfukker.
haaa okay i'm kinda only half kidding, of course i gave him a big slurpy kiss and patted him on his cute little head. (what an industry, ay?)

oh but it was kinda odd, emil-varda introduced me to another guy from theWaverlyInn, lynn-oops-i-never-got-a-last name (bad me bad me). emil-varda said to him "do you knoooow who this is?" and he responded "yes of course" (!!) so i guess i must be really really much more famous at theWaverly than even i had ever surmised.
anyways, he was really nice, whomever he was.

the ony thing that was kinda a bummer is that david-chang ran off the stage so fast, i couldn't get a really good photo of him. and then he just disappeared, so i didn't get a chance to tell him alls about my awesomely cute korean friend who has a mad crush on him, she's like totally in loooove with him she wants to have like 10,000 of his babies.
oh well.


afterward was fun too, we stopped by CentroVinoteca to celebrate, and then popped into theSpottedPig too...
[... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• april 15, 2008. "the other TONY awards" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 9, 2008. 10:35AM

yah so i'm back. from the new "usual" joint
:)
obviously it was great, which is why it's the new usual joint and the old usual joint isn't going to be the usual joint anymore--

aww :(
poor
____________ [... sorry! a portion of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• april 1, 2008. "04-04-08-04-08-08" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

TUESDAY, APRIL 1, 2008. 1:12PM

last night was great, it was a fundraiser party thingie for StudioDante (sponsored by Architectural Digest), which is the theatre owned and run by michael&victoria-imperioli. yay!
i got to go because...
[... sorry! a portion of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

... aside from meeting the imperiolis i also saw (in order of appearance): chris-cooper & john-ventimiglia & tony-sirico & drea-dematteo & david-chase & aida turturro & vincent-pastore & stanley-tucci & lauren-bacall.
evidently there was some other famous lady in the restroom too, this other woman was gushing "ooooh my gawd you were soooo great in" such and such and blahblaaah but unfortunately i didn't recognize her at all or the names of the (movie ? teevee?) stuffs she was in, and so that's why i can't remember anything about her. she seemed very nice though, she said oh thaaaaank you and even joked with me about the water pressure in the faucet.

anyways
they had this "reading" thingie performance too so that was a lot of fun. and afterward everybody hung around and drank and ate hors d'oeuvre.
i spoke to
[... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

<--- click here [warning: AUDIO] <--- click here too! [warning: AUDIO]

 

<--- and definitely click here to see a special tribute to lauren-bacall !! yay !! [warning: AUDIO]

• april 1, 2008. "First Readings by Studio Dante" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

FRIDAY, MARCH 7, 2008. 10:43AM

so my trip to santa monica was lovely, the weather was beautiful so i got lucky, apparently it's been rainy and in the 50's the last couple weeks or so.

anyways [... sorry! a portion of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]


... and i found this really great artist on venice beach, i bought a nice tiny painting of this cute little dude for only 40 bucks! and i love it-- i propped it up right on my work table so now every time i look up from my laptop, the little dude is staring at me with his big bug eyes.
(the artist has a website, it's: rezakassai.com)


...
and oh ! remember how i was just talking about the creepy food writer dude who wrote (silly, ignorant, totally transparent) things about me for New York magazine's food blog thingie ? well apparently last night he dined (again) at ___________
[... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• march 7, 2008. "'...remember it was how to deal with an Upset" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

SATURDAY, MARCH 1, 2008. 10:48PM

finally i'm off to santa monica tomorrow, yay!  i must say i'm pretty anxious to see [... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

 

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2008. 9:36AM

yay, i was in the NY Daily News yesterday !
see -----> http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/02/25/2008-02-25_exmaitre_d_shown_door_instead_of_a_table.html

neat, huh? i especially think it's cool cuz i remember way back when i was in the Daily News the very first time-- i have these aunties and uncles and cousins and whatnot, they alls live in the boonies of new jersey. well
the last time i was in the Daily News they were all "ohmigawd, we saw you in the NEWSPAPER!! YOU WROTE A BOOK?!! you get to see FAMOUS PEOPLE?!!"
it was pretty funny. so now i think of them and they must have been so hysterical for me yesterday over morning coffee or whatever. isn't that sweet?


anyhoo. so yah
being asked to leave this restaurant last week ended up turning into such the cheezy soap opera! see
what a lot of peoples don't realize is that the "press" and "media" is like this big freaky weirdo political machine. oh eeheeee of course you knew that already duh, but were you aware it's the exact same way for even the more diminutive journalist who writes about more trivial stuffs than wars and tragedies and crimes and whatnot? like i mean for example: there is a whole mess of journalists here in NYC and alls they write about is: Food. (or maybe i should say "Restaurants," to be more specific.) crazy right?

anyways. so here i come, i'm just this person who published my diary, but it turns out there happens to be a lot of stuffs about restaurants in there cuz i only spent about ohhhhh twenty some odd years of my life in this fucking ridiculous industry.
now check this out:
there is this magazine here in the city called New York, maybe you've heard of it? well what they do is write about goings on in-- GUESS WHERE! (hahaa.) and so one of the subjects they address is: Restaurants !!
following along so far ? it gets better, i promise.

okay so here they are, and every single week is new information in the magazine about what restaurants have opened or closed or added pork to the menu. the funny thing is mostly they just print the SAME information week after week after week after week but whatever. i digress.

in any case, one of their "food journalists" is named [... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• february 26, 2008. "i got iiiiiiice cream, and you aint gotttttttt none" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2008. 10:32AM pxthis.com entry

so. didja hear ? i got thrown out of a restaurant the other day.

if you wanna read alls about it, here ya go! click here----> http://pxthis.invisionzone.com/index.php?s=&showtopic=333&view=findpost&p=5018

enjoy !

:)

 

THURSDAY, JANUARY 31, 2008. 9:31AM

whew
well i know it's been a long while since i did a diary entry thingie, but this whole past month has really been just a whirlwind i almost can't believe it's only been 30 some odd days cuz it feels like it's been 300. no joke. a whole mess of stuffs has happened-- ahahaaa some stuffs have even happened and then not happened and then happened again.
makes no sense ? good. now you know how i feel.

anyways i've been really conscientious though, every day i have been taking little notes and whatnot. and so away we go-- this first month of this new 2,008th year went a little something like this:
[... sorry! a portion of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

... dec25.07 : 7:30am flight to our usual joint. we got to the airport at 6:35am and they wouldn't let us check in cuz we were "too late." and so we spent another 15 minutes running around from person to higher person to higher higher person and alls they did was tell us again and again how being 5 minutes late is simply our fucking problem (yah merry christmas to you too, fuckface). and then right around the time i was ready to either go totally postal or cry, one nice lady FINALLY took pity on us and spent approximately 22 seconds worth of her time and energy to check us into our flight. and so we got our boarding passes and went through security and made it onto the plane with about 3 minutes to spare.
then the airplane decided to sit on the runway for no good reason at all for about 45 additional minutes just doing nothing but taunting and mocking me just because.
whatever!
the in flight movie was No Reservations which made me just want to gag myself with a jumbo jet. gawd was that thing retarded. and i didn't even wear the headset i just read the lips and heard all the trite idiotic nonsense inside my brain.
didn't i read somewheres that catherine-zeta.jones got all her training for the movie at Fiamma ? yah well. it shows, bitch.
at one point i looked alls around the cabin i wanted to observe all the stupidheads being fascinated with this garbage. and they really were all right ! holy cow. i don't think i have ever hated the United States of America more.
after it ended, some dude yelled over three rows of heads just to ask his pals if they enjoyed the film. and he was all "wow it was good wasn't it?!" and then he went on to spew some kind of Foodie drivel that he probably read in the NY Times and has been waiting all this time for the perfect opportunity to regurgitate. and he said how he's such a big fan of "anthony booohr die in." i wanted to slap him across the face with my emergency escape manual.

dec26.07 : booo today was still a little bit cloudy. oh well, it's 84 fucking degrees what the hells am i bitching about.
we had a really great conversation over breakfast about ______ and so right then and there i decided to give it a go. why not, it sounds pretty intriguing i must say.
we stayed in for dinner again. ee heee when room service delivered it i remembered how last time they told us we're their "favorite guests."

dec27.07 : just out of nowheres i decided to send my boy brian-grazer a merry holidays and early happy new year SMS. and it popped into my brain "he must be in maui" so that's exactly what i said in my message. and he was so sweet he responded right away and his reply said yes he's "in hawaii." wow i'm psychic.
yah so. evidently one phone call back home and boom i'm already signed up for ______. i have no idea why but suddenly i feel fluttery inside about it.

dec28.07 : evidently joshua-stein the ignorasshole at gawker.com is at it again, i just discovered he's mentioned me twice during some new year Q&A with eater.com (apparently they asked several "restaurant experts" ahhahaHAHAHAHhahahaa their opinions on some whatever the fuck went on this past year in their own little Delusional Foodie World). apparently joshua-stein thinks the "biggest surprise of 2007" is that i haven't killed anyone yet (is that an invitation, bitch?) or some shit, and that he thinks the most important "restaurant neighborhood" of this year is my twat.
something like that.
what ??
yah exactly.

dec29.07 : [... sorry! the rest of this entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• january 31, 2008. "anthony boohr die in" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2007. 8:34AM

last night i had a dream that *rollerfink* won the Project Redlight contest !!

oh wait did i never tell about *rollerfink* ?

*rollerfink* is a piglet (the greatest piglet of them all!) i "met" during the very first original Project Greenlight contest.

anyhoo. right now apparently Radar Magazine is having this funny Project Redlight contest (isn't it ironic ? don't ya think) in which harvey-weinstein is trying to find funny writer "scabs" who are not in the writer's union by initiating this ostensibly satirical contest wherein regular peoples are supposed to send in BAD movie "pitches" (that's hollywood jargon), which of course in turn will unearth all these funny fantastic "notWriters" (not to be confused with real actual Writers who are allowed to call themselves "Writers" because they are members of the Writer's Union, unlike all the rest of the stupid Writer-wannabees who go around calling themselves "writers" when in reality they're just lame assed "hobbyists" and "budding wordsmith[s] at best") cuz DUH-- if one is smart enough to discern what is a BAD pitch, then surely one must also know what is a GOOD pitch, yes ?

following along ? no ? it matters not, really.

anyhoo as soon as i saw the rules and regulations of this Project Redlight i absolutely 100% without a doubt knew right away *rollerfink* is the perfect contestant. so i told him all about it and he says he is going to enter.

and last night i had a dream HE WON ! yay !

he's going to do it too. you just watch mutherfukkers.

 

12:21PM
uhh yah so here i am telling all about my dream last night-- but i left out the part about steve-schirripa.
ha ha ha aha ha ahaa and then right afterward i go and click! on this website thingie and boom

LOOK ! it's fucking steve-schirripa !!

i cannot even begin to recount how totally utterly bizarro
if that's not a sign from the cosmos i swear i don't know what is.

• november 28, 2007. "rollerfink" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

 

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2007. 1:22PM

i just spent the last hour listening to moms babble on the telephone.

hahha aha haa that bitch is crazy.

the funny thing is she asked "what's new?" but since she spent 45 minutes yapping incessantly, my brain was too exhausted to talk by the time it was my turn so i just replied "nothing."
then moms told me i should go to law school.


whatever !

i am pretty sure eventually moms is going to end up reading the new PX This Too book, the same way she read the first PX This book.
so. lessee. what's new

well, this morning right before i dropped everything to phone moms cuz i felt guilty since i know i didn't speak to her on the day they slaughter all the poor turkeys cuz my acupuncturist distinctly warned me to avoid all stress as much as possible--

i just found out this website on the world wide internet thingie is sweating me. again.

see moms, on the computer internet thingie there are these websites called "blogs" and basically they're like little magazines that people look at every day.
well anyhoo there's this one in particular called eater.com and what they do is "blog" about restaurants. and i, having worked in all those restaurants all those years and having written a book and whatnot, happen to get mentioned every once in a while. sometimes they say nice things but sometimes they say mean things about me too (but don't worry, moms ! i don't take it personally cuz i realize they're just being jerkfacey cuz THEIR mamas didn't raise THEM right).
in any case, just being remarked upon at all sort of means i'm kind of a iittle famous ! cool huh ?


what else
oh yah ! ee heee
remember kaity-tong, moms ? i think you met her at the last trunk show at 60thompson maybe ? the news anchor from channel 11 ?

well anyways, yesterday this OTHER "blog" on the internet wrote about her-- they said she had to move out of her building because her condominium has molds.
well that "blog" is called gawker.com and basically what they write about are celebrities. and people in the media. like kaity-tong for example.
they've written about me a few times too ! (so see how really famous i am?) they're not very nice though and sometimes i'm forced to rebut. so that's what i did yesterday.


i've been working on this other writing thingie too the last week or so
but that's sort of a long story.
in any case, there's this writer's strike in hollywood right now so in a way it kind of affects me even though i'm not even in the writer's union.
whatever. you know all about unions, i think maybe you get the picture.


oh ! the other night i saw this guy david-chang at this store called PaulSmith (they sell men's clothes). anyways this guy is a chef and restaurateur, he's pretty famous-- not quite as famous as my old bosses, but he did just win this big chef's award. and he's kinda young. he's korean !

oh did you ever meet my korean friend ? not the ones i lived with in college but this other girl, maybe you met her at the trunk show too, i used to work with her.
well she's friends with this guy whose brother is friends with this chef's brother (or some shit). and he says nobody really expected this kid to be so successful cuz basically he like didn't even finish cooking school or something like that ? then he worked in some commercial kitchens but he apparently couldn't cut it for very long. then he opened a little place selling noodles. and now he's famous and has a few restaurants, he makes a lot of money now ! and he's young.

anyhoo i ran into him in this store the other night. which wouldn't be such a big deal except that i had just made a joke about him on this OTHER "blog" website that's owned by New York Magazine.
oh hey remember moms, that time when People magazine came and took pictures in the store of that actress lauren-valez wearing my dress but then when the article came out i was the only store they didn't credit even though mine was the only full-page photo in the entire six-page spread?
well i had sort of a similar kind of thing like that happen with this New York one too.
hahahaa i happened to meet the editor of that New York website "blog" thingie last week too so it's kind of strange but whatever.

in any case, what happened was that i told this little joke about this chef named david-chang on the website that's owned by this magazine and then like a day later i ran into this very same guy totally randomly in this store.
isn't that funny ?
i was going to say something to him but the way he was looking at me i think he was totally sweating me and so i didn't want to go breaking his heart making him realize i am the smartassy chick that just dissed his momofuku mutherfukking ass on the interwebs. hahahahahahaa


oh i'm building a new website for myself by the way. you know how i used to sell dresses on the street in SoHo? well i only sell artworks now because they've been getting stricter on the vendors and they arrest you if you don't have a license. but artists are protected by this city ordinance so if you sell photos, paintings, or sculpture, you're okay. clothes (or even jewelry) aren't considered art even if you make it yourself, so if you get caught selling without a license they confiscate your stuff and fine you or arrest you or whatever.
anyways, last summer i did these paintings and they sold pretty well so now i'm building a new website just for that.


other than that i don't think much else is new. i did have a couple meetings this week and maybe i will have a few more before christmas. i might go to LA in january and there's a small possibility i will be going out of town sometime in december. i will have to meet with the architect soon probably and will be sure to draft the letter we talked about like i promised. plus i will call the other joint about the three missing checks. i will definitely finish your wrap by this weekend and the others by the time you leave again. i have another appointment with the acupuncturist this week and i can tell it's definitely helping so you needn't worry anymore about that. i still have some unpacking to do which hopefully i'll get to this weekend.

so yah while i'm doing that i'll be sure to think about going to law school.


by the way-- "bitch" is a term of endearment so just calm down there lady.

• november 27, 2007. "selling noodles" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

MONDAY, NOVEMER 19, 2007. 2:28PM

[... sorry! the entire entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

 

 

 

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2007. 10:22AM

you missed my birthday.
but i guess i forgive you. seeing as i was in marrakech.
try to stay on the ball for next year though mmkay ? ee heee

yah so i was away all last week in case you were wondering. which is great because apparently it's supposed to be verrrry auspicious to be elsewhere other than the place in which you reside when your b'day rolls around. 
i must say
if my birthday this year is any indication of the level of auspiciousness i can henceforth anticipate,
HOOOOO BOY
that's all i'm sayin.

oh okay i'll say a wee bit more. evidently the other birthday thing i should be doing is starting anew with some personal stuffs and whatnot. ya know-- like new year's resolutions (which i never really believed in anyways). supposedly it's far more appropriate  to exercise  this tradition on your birthday, rather than on some kinda random first-day-of-the-year nonsense which truly makes no sense at all if you really think about it.
um why am i babbling again ?? oh yah
to stress how i have made some such "resolutions" and already i feel a massive difference in my inner chi.
seriously. try it on your next birthday you won't regret it i swear.


anyhoo
i want to say i visited three countries the last 8 days (cuz it sounds so impressive) but my good buddy already pointed out i'm totally full of shit cuz really it was just "three cities." fine. whatever.


so. first there was london:
eh. what can i say
london is okay and all and i certainly don't want to get all pompous dissing an entire city i only visited for two nights, but hey. i live in frikkin new york-- what's the big deal about london ? it's just new york city all over again except they speak a totally different language.

as a matter of fact it's so much like new york i even did the exact same shit i always do: run around looking at restaurants. and yah i got to try a few so that was cool, but i must say of all the ("hottest!") places i tried, it turns out theVirginClubhouse was the bestest of them all.
hahahahahaa okay did you catch that ? i said the fucking lounge in the airport terminal was the awesomest. i am so not kidding. i even saw steven-tyler there.
so ya know-- figure that shit out.

oh ! but oymylord speaking of airports
i just have to warn you if by some chance you happen to have a completely unavoidable reason to fly in and/or out of heathrow, GAWD HELP YOUR SORRY ASS.
holy cow what an bloody arseholed clusterfuck that place is, seriously no joke.
ah ha haa at one point there was even this airport security lady who requisitely asked us "have you ever flown through heathrow before?" and when we answered "yes" i swear she acknowledged: "and you actually came back?!"
hahahahahahahaa those brits are such the riot, innit ?

well anyways, i don't mean to keep going on endlessly about stupid airports or whatever but i just wanted to quickly remark one more thing and that's: VirginAirways kicks ass !
really the only reason i feel the need to comment is cuz i vaguely recall hearing or reading some shit forever ago about how some little airline called PeoplesExpress tried to operate out of london and BritishAirways came along and muscled and threatened and sabotaged (or something like that) and poor little PeoplesExpress was totally bulldozed out of the marketplace.

now. i don't know a damned thing about VirginAirways except that it's owned by some filthy rich english megabazillionaire who obviously isn't susceptible to such crazy mick mafia tactics, cuz VirginAirways is clearly flying the not-so-friendly skies these days perfectly fine and dandy.
but what's my point you ask ??
BritishAirways SUCKS DICK.  geezus christ i can't even begin. SUCKS DICK i tell you.
SUCKS DICK SO MUCH it's in my goddamned personal journal for fuck's sake.

okay so.
that's london for ya.


next up was marrakech.
oh my goodness marrakech is marragnificent !
so so beautiful.

but of course as you would expect, there is an economic disparity in marrakech so wide if you tried to draw a line to represent the distance, one end would probably go all the way around in a circle and end up touching itself again. (does that even make sense ?? whatever.)
but i suppose in a way that's probably what makes it so beautiful. and it is amazing when you see the magnitude of all their development that's happening boom right in front of your eyes-- like for example just when you are marveling to yourself how incredibly grand and majestic and luxurious is the "royal golf course," some Y-generation young woman saunters by on a grizzled donkey. wearing a burka no less. and she's got a hefty sack of oranges sitting on top of her head.
or better yet an entire family (Mom, Dad, Junior, and Baby) zips by on a rickety 1965 vespa180. TOGETHER that is. on ONE vespa. and of course not a single one of them is wearing a helmet.

and did you know that if you want to work in any sort of decent (or maybe even not-so-decent) job in marrakech, you have to be tri-lingual ? yes muttherfukker i said TRI-lingual. as in: if you can't speak english, french, AND arabic, then your sorry ass is just plain ole grass. makes you feel kinda STUPID, doesn't it ?

oh i could go on and on and on about marrakech but why bother. none of it would do it any remote justice anyways-- i think maybe it's just a place one needs to see to appreciate. so maybe add that shit to your Things One Must Do Before One Drops Dead list. personally i'm adding it to my Things One Must Do AGAIN Before One Drops Dead list right this very minute.


and finally there was istanbul (constantinople!).
wow.
istanbul is kicking ass these days too. if it wasn't for the fact that everyone speaks turkish and there isn't a single ASIAN asian person on the face of istanbul (their version of "asian" is just y'know-- different), i'd say they're seoul, korea.

no but seriously though
evidently istanbul is poising itself to be "the cultural capitol of the world by 2010." they are building all sorts of fancy shopping malls and restaurants and hotels, like "how you say... champignons?"

and they just might do it too ! although i don't know HOW they're going to manage this without any blacks, mexicans, or filipinos to do everything for them since no such persons exists in istanbul. but hey maybe they're just smarter than the rest of the idiot world, the fuck i know.

also they have this Bosphorus waterway too-- that might help things along.
see, the Bosphorus "River" [it's a point of contention, i gather. since technically the Bosphorus is the portion of the SEA -- it's not a river goddammit!-- that connects the Black Sea to the Sea of Marmara] is what separates the continent of europe from the continent of asia. it's kinda dope, really. because you can stand in europe and asia is just a stone's throw away. no joke in some parts of the Bosphorus, asia is closer to europe than manhattan is to jersey city. that means istanbul is actually situated on two separate continents. which is why all their "asians" are tall and white and round eyed. go figure.
anyways, the Bosphorus is the only way all the big cargo and oil and whatever tankers can make their way from one sea to the other. that means istanbul gots mad juice like tropicana. get the picture ?

the only other thing i can think to mention is how WOW those istanboolooroos sure are patriotic, there are turkish flags EVERYWHERES. there are more turkish flags hanging in istanbul today than new york had waving on september 12, 2001. plus there are photos of that leader dude who westernized türkiye (by banning all the fezzes) alls over the place too. it's pretty neat.
like imagine if new york had photos of george-washington or JFK or steve-jobs mounted everywheres you look. kinda funky, huh ?

oh the only other other thing i wanted to tell is: now i finally know why the term "carpet salesman" is derogatory. lordallahavemercy those fuckers are obnoxious. and then they have the nerve to be all "why so unfriendly?" when you tell the 30th one that's obtruded upon your personal space bubble that noooooooo thank you i'm not interested in any muther fukking carpet.

they have really great fake handbags in the GrandBazaar though ! every single brand and style you can possibly imagine, i even saw this gold ostrich YvesStLaurent for only YTL450.00 ! and i bet i could have talked him down another 30% if i'd wanted it too. so there is that.

so yah. that's istanbul.


all in all the trip was really great but i'm still glad to be home too.
:)

• november 8, 2007. "three cities" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2007. 12:29PM

i think i almost fainted last night it was pretty trippy. even right now i'm not feeling exactly 100% and i did sleep in much much later than usual.
i never fainted before so it's kinda freaking me out a little.

thank goodness i was on my way back to bed anyways, i'd gotten up in the middle of the night to grab myself a glass of ojay. i had the first dizzy spell right when i was pouring from the carton and when i felt my knees buckle and my heart start racing and the nausea building i went straight back to bed where i had the second dizzy spell right as i was climbing in. i don't think i actually did faint but i guess i must have fallen asleep not long afterward.

and i totally know what did it to me too, it was right as i was opening the refrigerator door to grab the ojay that the conversation i'd had earlier (over dinner) just sorta hit me i guess. but it was weird cuz it wasn't like it was the discussion itself that got to me, but more like a certain part of it suddenly struck me as untrue [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• october 29, 2007. "so that's what fainting feels like" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2007. 3:12PM

i had another dream about water last night, i haven't had one of those in a while. and it was good, the water was clear and blue and beautiful and calm, but there were rocks on the bottom so i had to be careful while i was swimming. and it was crowded too-- i was at a big beach resort apparently, and so there were mobs of peoples all over the place i remember i was trying to find a nice open place to dive in easily. the resort was built on a cliff so there wasn't a typical beach with sand and shores and whatnot but there were palm trees everywhere. and the ocean only flowed through this one narrow inlet, which i guess is why the water was so placid and warm.

well whatever. overall i think it was a good sign.

and it's even better come to think of it, since i've been feeling pretty icky and funky lately. maybe the whole Mercury retro whatever the hells was fucking with my inner chi or some shit. or oh !
maybe it was that cuntface in the bookstore.

ah ha haa yah i never told about the jerkohead in the bookstore. it was i guess last week sometime i was just browsing in this old bookstore on mercer street. and there was this couple the next aisle over, i could hear them talking through the bookcase.

i had my back turned to them so maybe that's why even though there was a wee bit of open space between the tops of the books and the underside of the next shelf up, she didn't see me all that clearly, which is probably why she thought it was perfectly okay to suddenly vociferously blurt out: "oh yah my grandmother haaates asian people."

it must have been the dude with her who spotted me cuz just as she was about to elaborate, it seemed like he cut her off midsentence. and then they left the bookstore.
hmm maybe they were afraid the one asian person on premises (that's me) might suddenly flip out and get all bruce-lee on their asses ?

ahhahaaa ha haa. no seriously though
it IS almost 2008 right ? and i AM in new york fucking city right ? just checking.

sigh

i dunno. really. i don't get it. i mean

i know asians can't drive to save their lives and they shuffle annoyingly when they walk dragging their fucking heels so noisily all over the place an'shit
but
what else is there ??
- grandma went to Columbia and she's still pissed cuz all the asians shot the fucking curve up ? she coulda had a 4.0 but now she's gotta live all her life with her lousy 3.7 ??
- or maybe grandpa's got a mad case of yellow fever or something ??
- she's pissed about the korean monopoly on bodegas and drycleaners ??
seriously
i just don't get it.

OHHH wait. it's probably a japanese/vietnam thing isn't it ? i always forget that one.

come to think of it maybe that's why i got yelled at outside the Waldbaum's in jersey city a few years ago too-- some old lady with a thick russian accent kept screaming at me to "go back" where i "came from" for absolutely no reason at all.
and i was all: "what ? i should go back to hackensack ? what for ?!" as that squat little witch was threatening to clobber me over the head with her umbrella.

sigh

whatever. never mind.


oh suddenly another part of my water dream last night just popped into my head-- gwen-butler was there !

did i never tell about gwen-butler ? she's "Boston's $2.45 Million Dollar Bartender" according to New York magazine. even though she really got $3 million.
well anyways, gwen-butler and i met through the Forum thingie, she was really cool she even wrote me a totally awesome "fan letter" once !

well anyhoo. to make a long story short, she [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• october 27, 2007. "granny wants to hate on chinese/ well here's a reminder/ she better check her wig it says 'made in china'..." •
COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2007. 2:01PM pxthis.com entry

I'M BACK 
ugh thank gawd.

yah so in case you've been wondering what the hells has been going on around here (and you know you have. bitch), the reason i haven't been chronicling all that much the last few days is cuz the interwebs were dead. no joke, approximately 190 interminable hours ago the world wide webs went completely blank and all stupid dumbshit TimeWarner had for me was excuses and nonsense and mercilessness and a fucking eight day wait time.
have you ever lived without the interwebs for eight whole fucking days ?? no of course you haven't cuz it's IMPOSSIBLE DON'T BE RIDICULOUS


anyways yah so. that's all i have

i have nothing more to tell about the last week's happenings cuz as far as i can tell nothing happened. i could be wrong though, maybe something did happen but i wouldn't know for sure cuz alls i did was wander about aimlessly glassy eyed and numb minded and zombicated cuz without interwebs there is no thinking or doing or conceiving or resolving or concocting or accomplishing there are only vast forsaken wastelands of emptiness and lifelessness and desolation.

oh and apparently all this is happening cuz Mercury is like retro something whatever the fuck it's doing.

STUPID MERCURY

• october 23, 2007. "stupid Mercury" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008. 12:24PM

actually i don't really have much time for this right now but i just wanted to catch up and tell how everything seems to be going pretty well, the project and the other project and the other other project are all under way. granted it's all developing kinda trudgingly, but maybe that's just cuz of how the entire universe needed to be dropped suddenly to make time for all the packing, and then of course after the days of packing were all the days of unpacking. which i'm still doing right now by the way.

i'm not complaining at all though cuz the packing went rather smoothly and the unpacking is progressing quite swimmingly. and i'm pretty excited too cuz then after all the unpacking is finally finished then the other other other project can start too.

aha haa of course that will be right around the time i'll be dropping everything all over again to do a few days of traveling ! yay !

isn't this fun ? YES IT IS.

yah so anyways. speaking of all the packing and unpacking, i never told about how the fungshooey master came and said how the new fungshooey is soooo much better than the old fungshooey. and i am totally thinking it MUST be true ! cuz already... [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

bye bye
old fungshooey

 

hello
new fungshooey

• october 15, 2007. "this one is for: my sum dum goys [patience, young grasshopper - PART III]" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

MONDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2007. 3:45PM

[... sorry! the entire entry for this date appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

 

 

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2007. 4:04PM

well i finally got some free time today, i was all ready to sit down and tell all about the latest happenings like the trip thingie coming up soon, and the Move, and whatnot
but i just got a call from the Ninja doctor, my bike is ready (hooray!). so now i have to drop everything to go run and fetch it before they close.

oh but ha haa that reminds me
last week when i brought the bike in, afterward i was strolling up 11th avenue carrying my helmet, so this random dude on some big harley davidson type scooteroo pulled over just to ask me why i'm all geared up with no place to go. he was sweating me of course.

the harley scooterboy was nice i guess, he offered me a lift (after i explained how my poor sick little Ninja needed "acupuncture from dr.kawasaki." hee hee) but of course i declined. i felt badly-- i didn't want to offend him by explaining how my mama always taught me never take rides from crazy psycho strangers, so i just told him sorry but i never ride bitch.
he totally understood he even responded: "i never ride bitch either!"

anyways
it was pretty funny, the harley scooterboy ended up being like an AD or some shit for the movie National Lampoon's Pledge This! i had to admit to him i'd never seen it, but he said that's okay cuz the movie totally "sucked."
but he did have a vaguely fascinating anecdote to recount about how paris-hilton is really super duper smart with "great business acumen," she just ACTS like a silly dumb twat.

which come to think of it, is a little harder to believe since he also said she's an "awful actress." so how could she be so good at acting dumb? hmm.

what was my point again ? oh yah i don't really have one at all-- i just know how peoples looooove to hear about paris-hilton all right.


okay well i have to run now.
oh ! there was one more thing, which i can just recount quickly.

the sagittarius palm reading ashram visiting retired former financial dude ended up writing a review of my book for amazon.com
and it's pretty neato. look here it is:

The deeper layers hold the treasures, October 4, 2007

What each reviewer has said about this book is true. It is an entertaining (or boring, depending on your taste) book about the high-end restaurant business in NYC with a lot of celebrity gossip thrown in. This is the foreground of the book, and to be honest if this was all the book was about, it wouldn't be my cup of tea. But there is much more going on in the deeper layers that give this book a lot of richness. I wanted to point out these other layers which I found far more interesting than the foreground.

The first thing that hits you over the head is the writing style. In fact, the book has the best prologue I've ever read, where the author basically says "this is how I write and if you don't like it, go get another book!" That's balls, right on page 1! Others have talked about the writing style as anything from a nuisance to an acquired taste. I think they've missed the most creative aspect of the book. The writing style is original and authentic - a big breath of fresh air. While many other writers are struggling to fit their thoughts into the rules of grammar, this author has thrown grammar out the window to be true to herself. The writing style is far more pure than anything grammatically correct, and in my opinion is the best part of the book. The author invents and plays with words in a way that's uniquely creative. My creative juices started flowing just by reading this book. Had this book followed grammatical rules it would have been reduced to mediocrity; and it made me wonder how many books were marginalized by the handcuffs of grammar.

Second, there is a whole industry devoted to helping the sexes understand each other better. As a man who's always been interested in understanding women deeply, I can tell you this book gives you great insights into the female mind, as it is a real diary. Women are far more sensitive, observant and intuitive than men, yet need to restrain their true feelings in this man's world. In the book, the author appears cool on the outside in many situations yet is going through a lot of turmoil on the inside which she does not hold back in describing. The next time you ask your woman "Is everything OK honey?" and she says "yes" you may come away with a new insight after reading this book. The author's relationships with two men during the course of the book were very insightful. I was reminded of similar situations I was in with ex-girlfriends and got more color on their feelings at the time by reading the author's totally open thoughts.

On the same topic, I also learned a lot about men. Out of all the high-power, rich and famous men that could not take their eyes off the author (a beautiful and well-dressed woman) when she worked as a hostess in some of NYC's top restaurants, not one had the balls to approach her like a confident man. In fact, the only guys she had lunch with were a waiter and a fellow motorcycle rider she met at the Department of Motor Vehicles. And they were more interesting than the scores of celebrities mentioned in the book.

On an even deeper level. In the West, we are limited to the dimension of intelligence in describing a person. But, in the East, the dimension of awareness is also understood. The two sometimes go hand in hand but awareness is a far more rare quality. Yes, the author is an intelligent woman. But many intelligent people have written interesting books. This book has a special quality because the author is also very aware. The book is full of subtle insights about people, life, and love. The funny thing is the author doesn't trust her awareness because no one else in her life has it. It will be interesting to read the sequel to this book to see how she progresses on the inside. In this first book she has awareness without centering which leads to a lot of inner turmoil as she sees things others don't see, but without the centering it throws her off balance. If she can become centered, her future books will have a far richer quality. In short, Abbe Diaz is an author worth keeping an eye on.


hahhahahaa yay  me !
:)

• october 5, 2007. "we'll always have paris" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, 2007. 1:08PM

[sorry! the beginning of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish] ...which is so funny.  cuz remember the time i was in LA and i had dinner with gary-dourdan ?

well i didn't bother mentioning it back then but actually i had asked gary-dourdan if he would consider maybe producing my book as a teevee series. actually all along i had been fantasizing how gary-dourdan would make a great "eric-goode character" but that part only comes later in the story, so i'd wondered if maybe gary-dourdan might want to produce or something instead, since maybe the eric-goode role wasn't big enough for him.
in my head i'd been thinking how CSI had already been on teevee so long, so maybe it wouldn't have many more seasons left ? eeheee i was hoping maybe gary-dourdan would be looking for a job afterward.

anyways. gary-dourdan was super sweet he'd said he would definitely consider it. and i remember he had asked me "who would play you?"

i'd wanted to show him i wasn't as ignorant about television as i seemed, so i responded something like: "well maybe hollywood will want to change the lead character to a white person instead..." i was trying to show him i'm not stupid at all.

but it was (kind of) surprising, gary-dourdan replied: "but that's what makes the story interesting! that's it's YOU, and you're NOT white. you shouldn't cave when it comes to something like that..." and then he went on to explain how originally the idea for CSI was a dud, nobody wanted to touch it with a ten foot pole. and look at it now (!) it was like the number one rated show on teevee for like forever or some shit-- he even recounted to me how the quentin-tarantino directed episode had something like 30 million viewers the night it aired.

anyhoo so then i felt awful, i didn't want gary-dourdan to think i am weak, so i said something like "well okay... but i have no idea who would play me."
immediately he'd suggested: "how about lucy-liu?"

ha haa i totally recall thinking to myself back then: what is he crazy ? lucy-liu ? she's like a huge FILM actress, why would she be interested in teevee ?

and now look isn't it nutso ? not only is lucy-liu starring in a teevee series, but she's playing a white character.
how bizarro.


anyways. so then that whole gary-dourdan story led to me elaborating all about how i always sorta pictured jennifer-esposito as the "Loser" character. and not just because i think she would be awesomely great at it, but also because it maybe wouldn't be that hard for me to get a hold of jennifer-esposito, seeing as she's kinda my homegirl from back in the day.

i was trying to show how smart i am again, you see. apparently this is how it works, you have to "attach" (that's hollywood jargon) famous peoples to your "project" and that's how They decide if your idea is good enough for film/teevee or not (cuz evidently nobody in hollywood reads and that's why They can't just figure that shit out for Themselves).
oh yah ! and then i also added how i would really like maxwell to at least play himself in a cameo, if not a whole "character" on his own. i have no idea whether maxwell is at all interested in acting like ice-cube or mos-def or fitty-cent but i do think he would pretty good at it if he tried.
oh and then i told all about how i met john-gulager and how he liked my book too. even though poor little Feast didn't get put in that many theatres, i still think john-gulager is a super talented director. i'm not sure whether it helps to "attach" really talented peoples who aren't that famous yet though.
whatever


ahahaa so check it. then all this led back to big original question all over again-- "and... who would play you?"
so of course i was all: "uhh... hmm..." cuz honestly i had no answer at all-- the fuck i know who would play me ??
and thus i was sorta totally joking when i offered: "how's about marja-allen.vongerichten ? everybody says she's my 'twin' and i think i read somewheres she's an actress!"

ee hee heee ha ha ha ha ha haa
wouldn't you know he fucking looooves the idea he thinks it's "BUH RILLIANT."


ahhahahahaa geezus christ.

• september 30, 2007. "who would play you" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

pxthis.com entry WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 26, 2007. 12:17PM

yah so i wanted to tell all about this great e-mail i got yesterday that i just finished reading for like the fourth time.
wow it's such a good one i wish i could just reiterate the entire thing verbatim.
but it's kind of long. and ha haa i bet if i did print every single word of it nobody would believe it's actually really real everybody would just think i made it all up or something. peoples are so silly.

well anyways here are the bestest parts:

"I come back from a weekend of meditation and bliss and for some retarded reason the potted plant and her wacky website come into my mind..."

oh ! before i show any more of the e-mail i should probably clarify it was sent to me from the "sagittarius" dude-- i mentioned him the other day i said he read my palm over lunch. i didn't elaborate much about him then so i guess now would be a good time to explain more.


it was about a month or so ago i met this dude at the DogshitGalerie. he was like totally sweating me, so he pretended to be interested in one
of my beautiful masterpieces (oh heee! they're "abbsterpieces") which gave him a reason to speak to me.
so of course i was all "hi!" back, cuz duh i'm trying to sell an abbsterpiece, yah ?

well. it turns out this dude is slightly atypical he actually has something entertaining to say. and apparently he is some mid thirties retired former financial banker broker type dude who made enough money to last a lifetime, trading stocks and bonds and porkbellies and whatnot.
the whole thing was vaguely fascinating really. and not just because i had nothing better to do and nobody else to talk to either.

well anyways to make a interminable story long, this retired former financial dude ends up staying to chat all the way up until closing time.
we discussed: how to a make million dollars in the stock market, our pasts, our presents, my book, my love life, his recent trip to india, and the theoretical applications of our astrological compatibility. seriously no joke.

then right then and there, this mid thirties retired former financial sagittarius dude decides he is going to read my book.

so i start thinking to myself aha ha ha ha aa uh why exactly ? cuz i mean-- he already told me he doesn't know jack shit about restaurants, and he definitely doesn't strike me as the gossip-loving-snarkfest-feeding-page-six-whoring type.
but whatever, who am i to argue, right ? get yer read on, only $29.99 !


lo and behold he actually LIKES my book can you fucking believe it. a former FINANCIAL DUDE. who visits ashrams.
hahhahaa i'm fucking brilliant bitch.
no but seriously though

i really don't think he is just giving me this lovely song and dance sending me three page e-mails and the whole bit just because he thinks i am smokin. i mean, of course that's probably a big part of it but let's get really serious. ya think any man works THAT hard for pussy ? no fucking way.

anyhoo. what was my point
oh yah the e-mail. okay
here is another great part:

"Something struck me as I entered PXThis.com.  And these spontaneous instincts are very important to pay attention to.  Actually intuition is the better word.  An instinct is a spontaneous response from the body.  An intuition is a spontaneous response from the soul. This was an intuition...."

eeheee you gotta admit that's just a wee bit atypical.
here's some more:

"I don't even think you realize how smart you are, because it seems to me you're surrounded by dumb people."

hahahahahaa i like THAT. that's hott.
but wait there's more (!):

"Its not that your life story is not interesting to the masses. Its very interesting, but as with anything intelligent and creative, it takes some time for the masses to catch on."

yah! word! the Masses are idiotarded! what the hells is wrong with them they're Mass-orons. parisperezhilton proliferating bitches!
eeheee
but whatever-- it's all right it's alllllll good.
it's okay, sagittarius financial dude! i am so smart i have figured out a way i can actually make Masstupidity work for me!
see i was already thinking in my head that if the new PX This Too book thingie doesn't work out so well, i can always change the title to something more like
Diary of a Mogul's Wifey:
How to Nab a Millionaire or Two and Flip Them Filthy-Rich Nizzle's Ankles Up Over Their Heads an'Shit, They Won't Even Know What Hit 'Em.
[hahahahhahaa. yaaaah see if that don't fly off the shelves like da vinchee code. mutherfukkers]


"But you should understand that PXTHis is a lifelong thing.  It started out about the restaurant industry and celebrities, but its going to be your life in the end... Those were actually the most memorable moments in the first book. But they were few and far between. And that's totally fine. That's what the first book should be.... PXTHIS Too is not the end. Its the middle. I really feel your third one is going to be the huge hit."

ya think so huh ? hmm.


oh. mygoodness
geezus there actually was a main MAIN point to all this e-iterating before this here blahgettyblahg entry thingie got all jumbled up and went awry alls over the place with the babbling and digressing and backstory explanation and everything. what was it again ??
oh wait i remember ! it was this:

"I need to read the rest of that NOW.... Email me the rest of that [sept 23rd] entry....! You know, I came back so peaceful, so relaxed, without a care in the world.......and now the suspense is killing me!!"

really ? killing you ? you don't say. is that right ?

oh.

well then

LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY WHO MADE ME A PROMISE HAS AN AMAZON BOOK REVIEW TO WRITE.

:)

[p.s. thank you sir ! and xoxo]

• september 26, 2007. "patience, young grasshopper- PART II" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 23, 2007. 11:42AM

so. do you believe in signs yet ?
check this out it's pretty funny.

yesterday as soon as Moogooloo walked through the door when he came home the very first words out his mouth were: "i just saw that mary-louise whatshername, that actress on Weeds! we just walked past each other... i think she could tell i recognized her... she smiled..."

and so i was all "that's cool" -- i wanted to ask him why he didn't just tell her he thinks her show is "the MILF weed" but i refrained cuz i'm pretty sure he wouldn't have gotten the slanguage anyways.
(hahaa get it ? the milf weed ? it's the new "crack" ?? oh forget it never mind.)

anyhoo.
so then Moogloo and i went out to a late lunch and then after that we went to an early dinner.
and it was cute, the minute we got home, Moogloo suggested we catch up on the Weeds we missed last week, he asked me if i could find it OnDemand (which is pretty weird too come to think of it, cuz Moogooloo hates television he only watches what i force him to watch).

so i go to turn on the teevee and guess what was boom! right there starting. apparently it was some kind of Weeds "marathon" they just happened to be playing the last three episodes all in a row. and the next show was JUST about to start i remarked "oh look maybe this is the one we missed!" and i go to check for the info of that upcoming episode on the cable channel guide thingie to see if indeed it's the one we are looking for.

and yesssss it's the one we want all right.

GUESS what the title of the episode is.

it's: "Grasshopper."

no fucking joke that was the title. Season Three, Episode Six-- it's called mutherfukking GRASSHOPPER look it up if you don't believe me.

ah ha hahahah hahaha aah HE JUST RAN INTO THE STAR THAT AFTERNOON IN THE STREET mmkay ?! it's what popped the idea in his brain to try and catch the episode we missed last week. i turn on the teevee as soon as we walk in the door and voilà THERE IT IS. about to start !

and it's called GRASSHOPPER !!!

okay if you don't think that is some crazy whacked out shit, you are totally smoking crack. i mean milfweed.
eehehheheee
if that's not a sign from theForce i swear i don't know what is.


ANYWAYS.
so last thursday (the20th) i ended up having lunch at BarPitti with this dude i met at the DogshitGalerie last month, he just finished reading my book. it's kinda a long story to get all into right now, maybe i'll come back to it later.

well whatever, my point is: i'm not exactly sure what to make of all this just yet, but it's funny cuz that day over lunch he read my palm.

and yaaaah i know it sounds utterly wackadoo but it all goes back to the "signs" thing. here we go again, over lunch, another "sign" just plops in my lap (or rather my palm i guess, aha haa.)

see. here i was all completely losing my marbles what with my mental problems and all, and here comes this ("sagittarius") dude to smack me upside the head with a message from the cosmos... [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• september 23, 2007. "patience, young grasshopper..." • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2007. 9:17AM

i'm sick. i have mental problems.
or some shit. really


yah so
ugh. there is so much i don't even know where to begin. and i don't know if i'm just feeling cranky maybe it's hormones or the fucking planetary alignments or this mountain of a pimple i've had on my forehead for days that just won't go away or the fungshooey energy is all out of whack now that i have to sleep with the window shut or this new brand of coffee is just too weak and utterly ineffectual or what the hells is going on with me today.

oh but i did happen to see gisele-bündchen on mercer street the other night though, and she had a big fat pimple in the exact same place so maybe that's not the issue.


anyways. so during the last 48 hours the offer i maybe couldn't refuse insidiously morphed in my head into something more like if i turn this offer down then i am just a stupid idiot bonetard who doesn't deserve to live. and then suddenly once my brain entertained that notion then instantly another part of my brain completely took over and then the maybe i can't refuse offer turned into a full blown grand scheme plan with projections and strategies and diagrams and blueprints no joke the whole fucking shebang. and that's when my mouth took over from my brain i started rambling emphatically about the great grand scheme plan and ahahaa of course it was received with wide open arms (and wallets!) cuz my ass is so fucking brilliant.

so. of course now i wake up this morning and the entire impeccable scenario makes me totally fucking nauseous.

urrgh.

and yah even though i lie out my face and claim i don't know what the fuck is going on, in reality i got the entire 411 roiling around in my pancreas. so that's why i say i have mental problems.

what the fuck is wrong with me-- here all along what have i been saying? i have been whining and wailing and griping how [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• september 20, 2007. "i have mental problems" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2007, 6:17PM

my boyfriend brian-grazer finally returned my e-mail he told me to "use da pone."
[
ha ha ha haa idiot peoples are constantly all over shit for my "grammar" and "spelling" and yet somehow this man managed to turn himself into a multibazillionaire, going around using language like this.]

anyways. maybe i'm going to LA soon. yay !
i don't think i could ever possibly live in LA forever full time, but it sure is a fun place to visit!


oh! yah so this weekend i got another offer but i think maybe this one i just can't refuse [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• september 17, 2007. "another offer" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 2007. 1:41PM

sigh.

okay so today started peacefully enough, i was even pretty pleased with myself thinking how it was great i was able to sleep straight through the night a full eight hours for the first time in several weeks.

but then the first e-mail (of my Daily Morning Coffee ritual) is a link to a new article thingie about me on mediabistro. ugh.
i mean don't get me wrong i think it's great and all (wow i'm famous!) but it makes me kinda sad too.
cuz i mean-- geez
you go and read the thing and it's essentially all about how i'm some jerky ungrateful creepface cuz i didn't want to bend over and let "X" (and/or her publisher friends) rape me in the ass.

and like, i dunno
seriously, i am trying hard to wrap my mind around this and have some form of empathy for X (aint no vice versa here-- believe that shit) but basically this is totally how i remember it:

- THEY came to me and said they wanted to publish my diary. wow. cool!
- then they said CHANGE it. y'know, my own DIARY.
-
and then when i remarked "umm i don't think i really feel comfortable presenting MYSELF as this completely pompous idiotic ridiculously silly lameassed starfucker wannabee" then they responded: "uh yeaah we don't really give a shit what you think but thanks anyway (--oh wait. not even thanks anyway, come to think of it). now hop to it. chop chop. by the way, did we mention you're getting paid ohhhhh like less than 1/5th your current annual salary for this? we understand you'll never work in your industry again, and your reputation will be utterly destroyed, but that's okay isn't it?"


but now this new mediabistro article is implying I'M the one in the wrong for saying: "thanks for your kind offer, but i think i'll pass. i would rather take money out of my OWN pocket so i can feel a little bit better about myself as an artist, and not look like a total douchebag fuckwit in front of all my friends, family, loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances, and possibly the entire city."


remember Basquiat the movie by julian-shnabel? when the rich married couple comes to jean-michel's studio for the first time? and they want to buy/invest in an art piece but the wife protests: "i don't really like all that GREEN."

and jean-michel retorts: "how about a nice shit brown instead."

yah. well. y'know. something like that.
oh and let's not forget X went ballistic on ME, she was the one who decided there's absolutely no middle ground.
ugh forget it never mind.



yah so the last couple days has been just catching up with everything and trying to recover from jetlag.

oh hahaaa now there's this OTHER new food bloggie "roman à CHEF" (eeheee that's funny no? that's from an online New York Magazine writeup about it) website that's also written by a member of my Forum thingie!

sigh. isn't that nice?
not so long ago, nobody in the world gave a shit we worked so hard under crappy conditions with no benefits at all while our employers stole from us and sexually harassed us and screamed at us for no good reason and made us take the heat whenever they decided to abuse their own patrons (--as soon as they were done kissing movie stars and smiling for all the cameras and letting all the media suck their rockstar dicks, of course).
but look! now every time a busboy farts a story out his ass, everybody goes and puts a match to it trying to light it on fire. hahhahahaa

oh! yah speaking of which. i decided to send an e-mail to my boyfriend brian-grazer this morning [... sorry! the rest of this entry appears only in PX This Too -- coming soon. ish]

• september 15, 2007. "how about a nice shit brown" • COMMENT on this entry (registration required)

 

 

 

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2007. 9:00AM

look ---> http://www.mediabistro.com/articles/cache/a9852.asp?pntvs=1

i'm famous ! yay !

here is the text (sshh) cuz unfortunately that link is for subscribers only-- it's a super secret private batcave website specifically for "media" peoples only (you have to sell your soul to afford the price of admission. eeheee just kidding!). so here is what the article says (in case you are wondering):


Hey, How'd You Publish An Industry Tell-All?
A maitre d'-turned-author pens a tell-all that gets her banned from restaurants but spurs industry change

By Stephanie Burton – September 12, 2007
RELATED:
Hey, How'd You Become a New Media Agent?
Hey, How'd You Get Rachael Ray on the Food Network?

After 20 years of work in some of the biggest, glitziest, star-studded restaurants in New York City, Abbe Diaz never imagined she'd one day pen a tell-all book, contribute to the New York Post, and host an exclusive, members-only Web forum for restaurant insiders. Below the former hostess, maitre-d, and self-proclaimed "potted plant" explains how she landed in the throes of New York media.

In May 2004, you published PX This: The Diary of a Potted Plant, a personal narrative chronicling your years working at Mercer Kitchen, The Park, Smith, Lotus, Theo, 66 and several others. How did this all come about and what does the term "PX this" mean?
The literal translation for "PX" is in French: personne extraordinaire. In the restaurant industry it means just that: a VIP. When an important person comes into a restaurant, a celebrity, an editor, a political person, whoever, it's the maitre d's job to recognize this person. At most restaurants there's a special slip of paper that the maitre d' will quickly fill out, noting the name of the person, what table they're sitting at, and why they're a "PX." Then they'll slip it to the waiter as quickly as possible.

The term "PX this" is sort of a little stab, almost like an industry curse word. If you're a server and it's the end of a long night, the last thing you want to deal with is a PX. You've been on your feet for hours, dealing with everyone's requests all night and now you're going to have to be extra careful and alert. In your mind you're thinking, "F*ck having to deal with this PX!" which becomes, "PX this!"

Publishing a book was not planned. I didn't go to journalism school. [Diaz graduated from Rutgers with a B.A. in economics.] I was out to dinner one night with a group of friends and we were gossiping about one thing or the other. It seemed like every celebrity or VIP that was mentioned, I'd had some kind of experience or interaction with. I'd spent 20 years working for some big-name restaurateurs, especially Jean-Georges [Vongerichten], and there was always a lot going on in his restaurants.

Someone said, "You should write a book about all of this!" I'd been keeping a journal on my computer [in Word documents] for years, but I'd never thought about it before. This whole conversation took place around the same time Lauren Weisberger's The Devil Wears Prada was published [early 2003]. The idea of a New York City restaurant roman á clef seemed very possible. A few days after that dinner, a friend of mine called to say she had contacts at Ballantine [Publishing Group] and if I was willing to let her act as my independent agent, she was very confident she could push the book through to the right people. [Diaz asked not to name this particular friend as they are no longer on speaking terms]. Within days, I sent her over 30 or 40 pages from my journal.

Since this was your private journal, weren't you worried about revealing things that were excessively personal? Did you change any names or details before sending everything over?
Not really. There were some parts where I thought, "Well, I don't love the fact that everyone might read about this, but I can live with it." As far as names and details, I'd already given a number of the "worst" characters pseudonyms because I didn't want to look at their names in my own journal. Just dealing with them in real life was enough.

Your friend was confident she could put your book in the hands of the r