411NSIDER: El Toro Blanco

January 23rd, 2013 by abbe diaz

El Toro Blanco, NYC

PX This presents THE 4.1.1NSIDER REVIEW

In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re getting sick of restaurants. New restaurants, old restaurants, hip restaurants, swanky restaurants, small restaurants, big restaurants, exotic restaurants, all of fucking Graydon Carter’s restaurants– we’ve tried them all, and we are up to our eyeballs in stupid goddamn restaurants already.

Look, we know why you’re here, we know what you want, and as you’re well aware by now, absolutely nobody else knows what they’re talking about quite like we at PX This do. Let’s face it, we’re so official, all we need is a whistle.

So, welcome to the 4.1.1NSIDER, where we’ll keep it brief. Just the facts, Jack. Better than that: just the facts you need. Hell, even better yet: just the facts you need on ONLY the coolest places to go. Wouldn’t it be great if everything in life were this smooth and slick? You’re welcome!

Why it’s cool:
John McDonald
You know– Merc Bar, Lure Fishbar, the former Chinatown Brasserie, publisher of CITY Magazine, purveyor of that chewable vitamin tablet that’s a lot like Airborne or Emergen-C, the exact name of which we regrettably can’t remember right now. He’s good-looking, dapper, popular, and he even dates a model (the last we checked).
Yeah, him.

Also, Chef Josh Capon. You know– Lure Fishbar, B&B Winepub. In other words, fear not. The guy can cook.

Why it works:
Location, location, location.
Ha, we’re kidding! You’ll recall El Toro Blanco is in the same place that formerly housed two astoundingly short-lived restaurants: Scuderia (about a year) and Sam Bahri’s Steak House (about four months). So what makes this place so special? Well, for starters, it’s more embraceable than Sam Bahri’s, less expensive than Scuderia, and more fun & accessible (Mexican!) than either one of those silly restaurants. And unlike its erstwhile sister, Chinatown Brasserie, which (despite its first class address and excellent cuisine) succumbed to the recession and fickle flights of fancy, El Toro Blanco is a manageable size at about one third the square footage (read: cheaper rent) with a likely desperate and/or compliant landlord (read: cheaper rent).

Why it’s formidable:
Let’s not forget that the fair weather seasons will soon be upon us, and if El Toro Blanco has filed for its permits on time, that means a killer outdoor “cafe” is on its way. The White Bull may even give outdoor hotspot staple Bar Pitti (across the street) a run for its money (haa, “bull” “running,” get it?)– but probably only at night. Bar Pitti, with its western exposure, still has all the salient sunshine.

Why it’s debatable:
Ack, foodies! Oi, FOODIES! Gah! Runnn!
We don’t ever read that bullshit, but we hear El Toro Blanco recently got “a good one star” review from The New York Times. Which would explain all the clueless nitwits milling about petulantly at 6PM on our latest Thursday night visit. Thankfully, the lovely maitre d’ hails from Lure, so if you’re fabulous and they know it, you still have a fighting chance at getting a table. For now, stick to the more civilized low-key evenings, and whatever you do, avoid “Amateur Night” (Saturday) at all costs.

And no, sorry, the ole dinner-at-the-bar standby is null and void. Both the liquor bar and “guacamole bar” are too small, too cramped, too awkward, and too filled with petulant nitwit New York Times reading foodies desperate to fill their faces with tortilla chips and tacos.

Spotted with our own eyes:
Phil and Lucy Suarez, Charlie Walk.

Rating: ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
** Suns are allocated on a scale of one to five, based on how many days a month you’re likely to find us here. **


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One Response to “411NSIDER: El Toro Blanco”

  1. Guess Says:

    OK Diaz, looking good. Congrats!

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