PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Uhh… huh.
Well, it sure is a whole lot darker than its photograph would suggest.
Please rate the Bar:
It’s small, a bit cramped and cluttered, but remarkably sedate. Like, if you could imagine a bar ever being built in a library, this would be it.
The bartenders seem a bit lost, so maybe they just need some more time to get acclimated or something.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The wine list is rather sagacious and adventurous, reasonably priced (but hardly a bargain). The half-bottle option is a very nice (and sapient) touch.
The cocktail list, too, is smart and appealing, but personally I opted for wine so I can’t say much about the execution (although the presentation seemed quite good). A bit steep, in the $15 and up range, but certainly not a shocker considering the venue’s pedigree.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Charming, romantic, dark.
Kind of odd, actually; seems to be suffering some sort of identity crisis. For example, what’s with the embroidered three-star service busboy getups (oh excuse me, when they’re so fancifully dudded, they’re generally referred to as back waiters) mixed with the cheap, ubiquitous (read: McNally) $0.03 slop-rag "napkins"? What’s with all the staff jackets-and-ties mixed with the rustic furniture? What’s with all the lavish foliage mixed with bargain-basement bar stools?
Please rate the BOH:
Excellent.
How was the staff?
Sigh. What is that all over the floor; are those eggshells? The staff seems so busy walking on them, they forgot to be congenial.
And there goes that identity crisis again: embroidered back-waiter jackets are usually employed at restaurants that have ample BOH space for the personnel to move comfortably (with less risk of creating unsightly food stains on those starch-crisp snow-white uniforms), so how come the staff has to be reprimanded in the FOH right in front of the customers? What, you can’t take that shit to the back someplace?
In short: is this a farmhouse or the fucking Four Seasons? Nobody seems to know.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Rock shrimp polpette : Interesting. Flavor and texture more reminiscent of Chinese dim sum than any Italian meatball I’ve ever tasted, but good.
Roasted Baby Artichoke Salad : Good. Great quality and presentation. Not exactly thrilling, but pleasant.
Veal Meatballs : Very good. That "truffle pecorino" is delicious.
Cortecce with baby octopus… : Outstanding. Sooo goood…
Casarecce with sausage and broccoli rabe… : Superb. Now leave me alone, I’m licking the plate.
What did you like?
The food was exceptional.
What did you dislike?
Umm, the aura?
What was your last impression?
Ssssshhh, be veh-wee veh-wee quiet…
Would you come back?
Hmm.
Food plus Wine minus Ambience divided by Location multiplied by Pretension to the fourth power over the square root of Stratis Morfogen…
Maybe.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, but uhh— ya coulda fooled me.
Tags: BARS, F&F REVIEWS, FLATIRON
= "personne extraordinaire"