PX This.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Mastro’s Ocean Club (Las Vegas)

What was your first impression?
♪♪ "i shutting shit down at the mallllll…" ♪♪ haaa. just kidding.

Please rate the Bar:
nice. welcoming, capacious, and comfortable, if not exceptionally orderly. and the bartender is good. competent, amicable, and knowledgeable but not particularly effusive.
great lighting! ha aha ahaa everyone’s a beauty here… and umm, let’s just say las vegas isn’t exactly overcome with those.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
wow that’s a lotta liquor. and do my eyes deceive me or are they actually pouring Chopin out of the well. now that’s impressive. the wine list is decent— adequately diverse and judiciously priced, something nice for every budget.

Please rate the Dining Room:
it’s… different. great view of the… LouisVuitton boutique? and the sculpture structure thingie that makes up the "walls" must have cost a fortune. welcome to las vegas!

Please rate the BOH:
not bad. but not nearly as good as i expected, considering the glowing recommendation that came via a "born and raised" las vegas (F&B) native. so that’s a bit of a disappointment.
but on the upside, it’s actually rather reasonably priced.

How was the staff?
overall, good. perfectly adept but inconspicuous. maybe a B or B+.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
escargot : classic. good. flavorful, but not extraordinary.
lobster bisque: very good. rich, hearty, delicious. unusually generous portion of lobster meat. (and at only $12.95? — huh.)
ahi tuna tartare : good fresh tuna, but the presentation is somewhat silly, what with the layers and the crunchy chinese "noodles" and whatnot. overkill.
halibut fish & chips : pretty good. huge. not astounding but certainly satisfactory, and who doesn’t love a fancy fish and chip?
sauteed mushrooms : great aroma but aww— "farmed" mushrooms? bleah. i should have gone with the gorgonzola mac&cheese or the wasabi mashed potatoes instead. but now i’m too stuffed.

What did you like?
uhh, the lighting? (hey, you try catching yourself in mirrors all over las vegas hotels and casinos. i swear you never knew you were so damned ugly.) the ambience sorta grows on you…

What did you dislike?
i really wish the food were as good as the endorsement.

What was your last impression?
i can’t breathe…

Would you come back?
probably.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
thank you, and have a good night.

Leave a Reply