PX This.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Quattro

What was your first impression?
Flashy!

Please rate the Bar:
Nice. Small, but comfortable. Clean. And the bartender is friendly and enthusiastic.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
OK. Nice selections by the glass, but not exactly eclectic. Slightly expensive. Ditto on the cocktails— fine, but hardly imaginative or creative.

Please rate the Dining Room:
A bit austere and ordinary. Very corporate, very Trump (read: ugly). And nonsensical. No knowledgeable restaurateur would ever build an HVAC system like this.

Please rate the BOH:
Sigh. I have a feeling we’re not in Miami anymore, Toto. So, yeah. Like that.

How was the staff?
Very good. Amiable, proficient, conscientious (especially the hotel doorman). Warm and welcoming and perfectly adept.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
I had the Parmigiana di Melanzane, the Arancino di Riso and the Ravioli di Casa— and it made me glad I didn’t order any more (as I’d initially intended). Aside from taking 40 minutes for my first course to reach me, it was all keenly pretentious yet thoroughly pedestrian. To put it in the blunt words of my guest, "Did it take this long for the food to come out because it was defrosting?" Need I say more, because I’d rather not waste the energy. Thank you.

What did you like?
The hotel lobby is rather nice, actually.

What did you dislike?
The food.

What was your last impression?
Why do skyscrapers still insist on slapping "Trump" on the facade as if it’s a good thing?

Would you come back?
Sorry, I don’t think so.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks and good luck to you. Believe me, you’re gonna need it.

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