PX This.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

SD26

What was your first impression?
oh. yeeaaah… this…. could… uhh… be done a lot better.

Please rate the Bar:
do i have to? can’t i just leave?
sigh. it needs work. what more can i say (without having to follow up with an invoice)?

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
whoa, look at the size of that drink! i mean don’t get me wrong— i’m not complaining, but why is my vodka on the rocks the exact same size as the campari&soda? and i wasn’t even upcharged a double or "neat pour" or anything.
as for the wine list, i’m far too mesmerized by the funky electronic computerized gizmo to even notice the actual wines on the list. oh but— oi, made in china? couldn’t they have gotten like a sleek chic applesque version somewheres? like one encased in chrome with leather backing and sexy icons maybe?

Please rate the Dining Room:
umm… this is the nicest multimillion dollar airport terminal i’ve ever seen ?

Please rate the BOH:
technically the BOH is in the FOH. and honestly, taking one look at the menu, right now i kinda wish i were in the OOH (out of house).
please, somebody, for the love of holy moly— can somebody anybody please fix this fucking thing? if only ONE thing on the menu is changed for example, at the very least get the contorni off the insalata page. i mean okay i get it, they’re all "vegetables" but–
ugh forget it never mind. check, please?

How was the staff?
fine. particularly for this place, they’re… just fine.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
prosciutto di parma: not bad.
mozzarella di bufala: really. really? SUNDRIED tomatoes and canned marinated artichokes? (the very same sundried tomatoes and canned artichokes that were just served as the amuse bouche?) isn’t this like $14 or $16 or something? fer chrissakes come on now.
pappardelle with wild boar ragu: not terrible i suppose. except the minced carrots ("for sweetness," yah i get it) is simply such a ‘cop out’ to me. seriously? with the vast range of fruit and vegetables available right out there on your frikkin doorstep, it all boils down to a stupid pedestrian minced up carrot?
okay fine, my guest doesn’t seem to hate it, so maybe it’s me. having traumatic flashbacks to 1996 of the senegalese DISHWASHER allotted the task of cooking staff meal every day. chopped pork "stew" with gravy and minced carrots. every day. EVERY stupid frikkin goddamned day. so shoot me.
no really. shoot me.
beef cheeks: could be more tender. could be less cloying. could use a little salt.
okay let’s be frank. i chose this dish because, of the entire menu, it seemed the least risky to me. nothing about this restaurant from the moment i walked through the door inspired any confidence whatsoever in the quality of the food.
there, i said it.

What did you like?
i’m sorry. nothing. at all.

What did you dislike?
more than anything? how much money must have gone into building this place.

What was your last impression?
it’s been open eight weeks? it looks and feels like it’s been more like eight years. and unfortunately i don’t mean that in a good way.

Would you come back?
i’m afraid not. sorry. again.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
thank you and best of luck to you.

One Response to “F&F: SD26”

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