Word of Mouth: Vine Street Cafe…

June 29th, 2011 by The House

 

PX This presents THE "WORD OF MOUTH" REVIEW

We’re actually getting kinda sick of new restaurants; it’s a bit tedious pointing out the same types of flaws over and over and over again and ultimately being disappointed more often than impressed. (Here’s a novel idea: why don’t you try working to improve the shitty restaurant you already have, rather than opening a new one every nine months, you greedy egomaniacal bastard?) But hey, maybe that’s just us.
Anyhoo! It’s so nice to see you! We hadn’t planned on visiting your place, probably like— ever— but the "word of mouth" on this joint has been pretty outstanding. So, ya know— we’re intrigued. We’re hoping that good "word of mouth" is all genuine, and we can get us some of that good in our mouth. Word.
What’s that? You’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you’re hoping we’ll like it and help spread the news, since you fired your publicist long ago for not doing jack shit for you?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what obnoxious opinionated food-bloggers are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

 

Vine Street Cafe (Shelter Island)

What exactly made you choose our restaurant?
A two-time Manhattan restaurateur (and local resident) recommended it as "the best of four decent restaurants on Shelter Island." So there you have it.

What was your first impression?
Cute. Very beach-towny all right. And: damn, it’s crowded.

Please rate the Bar:
OK. On the smallish side; not quite so accommodating and pretty cramped. The bartenders are rather harried subsequently.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
No idea. It’s so busy in here, I can’t be dicked to ask/wait for a cocktail and/or wine list. "I’ll take a bottle of… uh… riesling? Cool."

Please rate the Dining Room:
Seems large? There appear to be several different rooms, but again, not the type of place to take an unguided tour if you’re not trying to get smacked upside the head with a serving tray. Also, diners generally appreciate not having errant asses near their faces while they’re eating.

Please rate the BOH:
Pretty good. Fine, rather eclectic menu, if not exactly adventurous. My host has one suggestion, though: "Steer clear of the pasta dishes, but the fish and meat are great."

How was the staff?
Eh. But you know, these places usually have seasonal "temps," so there goes the job-longevity incentive. To be fair, the order came out correctly, and nothing got spilled?
Oh and here’s a tip: the steak comes with fries, so don’t bother ordering a side of it. You’re welcome— cuz lord knows your waiter wasn’t about to clue you in on that one.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Ahi tuna sashimi : Very good, fresh, tasty. Generous portions.
Crispy calamari salad : Decent. Flavorful, nice crisp calamari for good contrasting textures. Granted, it’s hardly mind-blowing, but come on now.
Rainbow "ceviche" :
It’s in "quotes" cuz it’s not really traditional ceviche, you see. Odd "market" mishmosh of fishes, but whatever. It’s fine.
Miso-glazed salmon : Fresh, tender, and succulent. Boo, it’s a wee more medium than the medium-rare "the chef recommends," but yay, the miso glaze is pretty delicious.
NY strip steak :
Fine. Perfectly cooked. And the fries are good. All three orders of them.
Grilled asparagus : Very good. Farm fresh and well-prepared.

What did you like?
The food’s pretty good.

What did you dislike?
Oh who cares? It’s a beautiful summer weekend on Shelter Island.

What was your last impression?
Yay, it’s a beautiful summer weekend on Shelter Island!

Would you come back?
Sure.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, and have a good night.

 

 

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