PX This.

Mr.Chow vs Philippe (Miami Beach)

By now, you’ve probably heard a whole lot of hullabaloo about the never-ending epic battle between restaurant empires Mr. Chow and Philippe. And, if you’re an avid foodie web surfer, you may even have heard a lot of gripes about "mediocre food" and/or "hype" and/or "aggrandizement" etc., etc., etc.

Well, here at PX This we don’t speak of such things when it comes to enterprises such as Mr. Chow or Philippe, because — well, herein, amongst your extremely insightful and sagacious peers, that kind of talk would simply be trite and platitudinous. Come on, let’s get real— we all know The Rules about dining at Mr. Chow and/or Philippe, don’t we? And what happens, Johnny, if we don’t know The Rules? Plainly and simply: you don’t get to play and enjoy the game. Or, in other words: if you don’t "get" these restaurants, do yourself a favor, and JUST DON’T GO THERE.

That being said, why don’t we oh so percipiently, as is our wont here at PX This, elaborate on those "rules" for some of the kids trying to play along at home, shall we?

1- If you don’t realize that you have to pay for that champagne being so graciously offered to you upon your arrival, you’re a dumbass.

2- If you think that a glass of either a Dom Perignon, Krug, or Vueve Cliquot is priced less than $25 at a place like Mr. Chow or Philippe, you’re a pedestrian dumbass.

3- If you don’t believe the essential quality of the ingredients both Mr. Chow and Philiipe utilize consistently in their cuisine are actually quite top-notch, you’re an ignorant, pedestrian dumbass.

4- If you are at all concerned about the total pricetag for your meal, these establishments are not for you. Yes, there’s cheaper food in Chinatown. We know. Save the time and energy you’d normally spend whining on Yelp about the impending charge on your green American Express card, and just haul your ass to one of those places instead, why don’t you?

5- Mr. Chow is "cooler" than Philippe, but Philippe undoubtedly trumps Mr. Chow in the take-out department— Philippe Chow Express is an astute and exemplary endeavor.

OK, so, having pontificated on all this, let’s ask a knowledgeable recent visitor to Miami Beach who enthusiastically tried both Mr. Chow and Philippe, a mere one evening apart:

"Hello, luv! So… who’s the Winner on this beachfront bad boy?"

"Without hesitation, on every facet, Mr. Chow undeniably wins hands down."

Well, there you have it. (Hmm. Coincidence… or Karma? You decide.)

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