GREATEST HITS: PX This [The Blahg]
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[*** warning: Eats, Shoots and Ladders Leaves freaks, please CLICK HERE* and HERE before reading any further. then take that favorite book of yours and stick it up your ass. thank you! ***]
"Miami Beach… Nobu… Jeremy Piven…"
tue 12.28.05: seasons greetings!
well i had a really really fun holiday, maybe the funnest holiday ever!
marc-bagutta and i went to miami beach for a few days. of course we stayed at The Raleigh as usual. it’s always our first preference because all our favorite new yorkers are running that place. and it’s pretty too.
anyhoo the whole trip was great, joey-krutel entertained us the entire time. our first night we had dinner at China Grill because apparently ingrid-casares and tommy-pooch throw the wednesday night parties there. China Grill was a little better than i expected, it was actually quite satisfying. the menu looks really expensive— until the courses arrive and you see how big the food is. like for example one salad is a mountain of lettuce enough to feed an army of bunnies.
the next night we had drinks at The Sagamore and then dinner at Prime112. with jeremy-piven!
i was totally psyched because it was just last week i was telling marc-bagutta that Entourage is my new HBO obsession, i even dragged him out of bed at 10pm last sunday to make him watch it with me. so it was great that i had an Entourage anecdote to share with jeremy-piven.
jeremy-piven is really nice and he actually looks much better and younger in real life than on teevee. evidently he was just nominated for a golden-glob for best supporting actor so yay for jeremy-piven.
Prime112 is cute and all i suppose, but the food kinda sucked— marc-bagutta’s chicken was flavorless, my spinach was overcooked and salty, and my filet mignon was dry as a bone even though it was medium rare. it was tough and cartilagey too, if i picked it up and tossed it across the table i could have given jeremy-piven a black eye. but of course it was all gigantic portions, i guess that’s just a miami thing. quantity, not quality.
afterward we all went to Privé. but it was completely empty so instead we went to Opium Garden which is really the downstairs/outside section of the same nightclub but it has a different name and entrance. it’s sorta pretty actually. anyhoo Opium Garden was totally packed. or maybe it just seemed that way because every trick and ho in the place came by to shake their T’s and A’s at jeremy-piven and then they would crowd around and congregate trying to look nonchalant.
ha ha ahaa the funniest was when this real estate broker friend of joey-krutel commented "omygawd they busted out jeremy-piven for all the little jewish girls."
the next night was even more fun, joey-krutel invited us to another dinner with jeremy-piven, this time at Nobu. Nobu was eh but i must say i think it was probably the "hottest" ugly restaurant i have ever seen in my life.
joey-krutel also brought sofia-vergara to be the date of jeremy-piven, she is a hott latin star. i know this because back in 1997 i got a phonecall at the geld-iaz flagship boutique from sofia-vergara’s "manager," he was trying to get free clothes for her— he told me how she is "crossing over," she is like the "model/actress version of selena."
see here’s a photo of jeremy-piven at Nobu, and that’s sofia-vergara on his left behind the glass.
yah so after dinner lance-burstyn was supposed to drive jeremy-piven straightaway to Mansion (which is also owned by Opium/Privé) because they had named him the official "host" of the party but jeremy-piven wanted to ride with sofia-vergara (and friend) instead. sofia-vergara decided to make a pitstop at Casa Tua on the way, so she kidnapped jeremy-piven.
but lance-burstyn was not at all amused, because Casa Tua is an ingrid-casares joint but it was Mansion that paid Nobu to feed jeremy-piven. and guests (that’s us). lance-burstyn rolled down the window to scold sofia-vergara but she retorted: "wellll he saaay he want to comb weeth ausss…"
so of course we all had to pitstop too because lance-burstyn was "babysitting." sofia-vergara took jeremy-piven upstairs to meet ingrid-casares but the party was pretty quiet so we all bounced fifteen minutes later. lance-burstyn was pleased about that so he was assuaged, he snickered "ha nice try ingrid."
then we all went to Mansion. but hee eheee lance-burstyn got agitated again because sofia-vergara eschewed the valet and went searching for a parking space with jeremy-piven. so as her SUV was disappearing up the block, lance-burstyn was cursing something like "where the fuck is she going geezus christ sofia can i PAY the fucking 20 dollars?"
finally jeremy-piven and sofia-vergara (and friend) came stumbling around the corner and we were all swept inside and it was great, lance-burstyn had a big table with bottles and glassware and the whole shebang. and again like 10,000 hos came by just to jiggle their booties and put on a BIG SHOW for jeremy-piven.
it was all very easy and faboolous though and now i am totally spoiled from being part of jeremy-piven’s entourage all weekend, it makes me want to make like a new year’s resolution: either i roll PX goddammit or i just don’t roll at all.
the next day lance-burstyn stood us up, he must have completely forgotten he insisted on lunch. so marc-bagutta and i went to The Delano instead. where we ran into boris & barbara-becker with their two adorable miniaturized supermodelly sons.
it was great, jeremy-piven happened by as i was chatting with barbara and i introduced them so then i looked faboolous. later jeremy-piven told me he was totally sweating barbara-becker, he wanted to kick it to her so he was bummed he didn’t realize in time boris and barbara are divorced or he would have kicked harder.
then we left miami beach and we got lucky (yay!) we scored the last two seats on an earlier plane because our original one was delayed we could have been stuck at the airport for three hours because of the snowstorms. one of the flight attendants looked just like a big young james-gandolfini so the whole voyage was a real bug out watching tony-soprano point out the emergency exits and demonstrate proper usage of life vests and serve beverages and cookies. i really wanted a snapshot of him too but he scared me so i didn’t get one.
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pxthis.com archives
This is an abbreviated version of Abbe Diaz’s diary/blog entry on December 28, 2005, for web archival purposes only. A far more detailed, thorough, and incisive account may be included in Diaz’s upcoming second book, PX Me – The Sequel to PX This (Coming Soon in the Spring of 2011)
* "…The intellectual community, as usual, showed itself to be timid and divided, and even the most unexpected graphologists engaged in controversies regarding their inconsistent analyses of my handwriting. It was they who divided opinions, overheated the polemic, and made nostalgia popular…. Make no mistake: peaceful madmen are ahead of the future." – Gabriel García Márquez
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
Cecconi @ Soho House (Miami Beach)
What was your first impression?
I wonder how this location is working out for them.
Please rate the Bar:
Very nice. Charming, commodious, and welcoming. This must have been quite the scene all weekend…
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Oh crap. Sorry, forgot to look at the lists. I’m here for brunch, and I got a little distracted watching white truffles being scraped upon the pizza two tables over. (Were you able to afford truffle pizza when you were 22? And since when do models eat carbs, anyway?)
But the white wine by the glass recommended by our waiter (Chardonnay-Vermentino, $12/glass) was very good.
Please rate the Dining Room:
It’s pleasant. Rustic but elegant. Spacious but cozy, and smart too.
Please rate the BOH:
Better than I expected, actually. I mean, ya know— Soho House here in New York is hardly known for its food. And Miami Beach in general isn’t exactly a culinary mainstay. Throw "fabulous" in there, and the prospects don’t seem all that promising.
But then again, it’s brunch. I’d like to say you’d have to be pretty pathetic to screw up eggs, but now that I think of it, lots of restaurants I’ve visited in the past sure have messed up eggs pretty badly.
Anyway, the menu is straightforward and appealing, and the prices are more reasonable than I’d anticipated too.
How was the staff?
The hostess must be new (or maybe a wee stupid?); she could definitely use a bit more training. Is it really necessary to ask two people if they have a reservation for 3PM? And then inquire of the maitre d’ if they "anything available" [response: "I'm suuure there's plenty available."]? And then parade us past 8,000 empty tables all the way into the back of the dining room right next to a occupied four-top… before acquiescing to our personal request anyway? Yah, like that.
Our waiter was excellent though—
knowledgeable, proficient, and amiable. Casual but totally professional.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Eggs Benedict : Very good. And the accompanying tater tots (with chives?) are delicious.
Steak and eggs : Great. Tender juicy skirt steak perfectly cooked. Pretty fairly priced at $22.
Beet salad :Good. Fresh. Tasty. And huge.
Apple-yogurt-something cake with gelato : Not quite what I expected from the description, but good. Kinda tastes more lemony than apple-y, though.
What did you like?
Pretty much everything. Best of all, now I get to say I’ve been here.
What did you dislike?
Ha haa, wellll… you know, it’s Miami Beach— some of the outfits parading by, oh my lord.
What was your last impression?
Now I kinda wish I’d come for dinner instead. The show must be spectacular.
Would you come back?
It’s kinda far from South Beach… but maybe.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, it was fun.
Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 02
- No breakfast; coffee from Starbucks. Spent morning trying to blog with an iPad. Ha ha haa aargh what a fucking nightmare. Gave up.
- Few hours by the pool, because beach is still kinda windy.
- Lunch at The Setai (poolside). Spotted: Larry Gagosian, Jason Binn (not together).
- Second tour through Art Basel Miami Beach exhibit. Spotted: Susan Sarandon.
- Quick tour of Design Miami exhibit. Spotted: Alex Rodriguez.
- Tour of Red Dot exhibit. Second tour of Scope exhibit.
- Shopping in the Design District at new showrooms Maison Martin Margiela, Christian Laboutin, and Y3.
- Dinner with friends at (beloved by locals) Mandolin in the Design District.
- Drinks with friends at Nexxt Cafe on Lincoln Rd to meet with proprietor Sedat Onur.
*See also (earlier):
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 01
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 02
Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 02
- Breakfast at The Raleigh again.
- Few hours at the beach. Kinda windy.
- Lunch at Joey’s in the Wynwood District.
- Tour of Wynwood galleries.
- Tour of Scope exhibit.
- Dinner at Michael’s in the Design District.
- Opening reception of Luminaire showroom in the Design District.
- AOL/Paper Party in the Design District (but, didn’t stay for the Pharrell performance).
- Bar hopping at Vino&Olio and MaiTardi (next door to the AOL/Paper party).
*See also (earlier):
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 01
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 03
Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 01
- Living in NYC is awesome— pretty late dinner at Kenmare and then breakfast bright and early at The Raleigh (Newark Airport still does not have creepy X-ray cancer boxes or nasty horny perverts trying to feel your goodies. Hooray!).
Spotted poolside: Julian Schnabel
- Tour of Art Basel Miami Beach at the convention center.
- Early dinner with friends at Sardinia (off the beaten tourist path and beloved by the locals).
- Drinks at John deLucie‘s The Royal "grand opening" reception at The Raleigh.
*See also (earlier):
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 02
• Art Basel Miami Beach – Day 03
Welcome to: Where I Spent My Weekend Off —by a NYC Restaurant "Insider"
So, what do you do in the industry?
I used to do lots of things. Now I do other things.
And how often do you travel on weekends, generally?
It varies, but my goal is every eight weeks.
What made you choose Miami Beach for this getaway?
It’s the sixth borough of NYC!
And where did you stay?
The W. I’ve already tried most of South Beach’s better hotels; it was next on the list.
How were the ambience, service, and amenities, etc?
Very good. Better than I expected. The rooms are spacious, sagacious, and chic.
And unbelievably quiet. So many of the "hip" hotels in this area have loud, rowdy weekend parties all night long— great if you’re a butcher looking for some meat; horrible if you’d just like to get some sleep.
The W is no exception; their poolside bar/lounge is pumpin til the wee hours. But the really impressive thing is that you just slide those massive glass doors shut and you don’t hear a single sound. No joke, I slept better this weekend than I have most places in my lifetime. Yes, even my own current apartment.
The other great thing is the balconies are huge and beautifully furnished. Even the ones in front of the building that face the parking lot are angled toward the ocean. I mean, how come nobody ever thought of that before?
It used to be The Setai (and then maybe The Fountainbleu, after renovation) was the only truly top-notch world-class hotel in South Beach. Well, believe it or not, The W in Miami Beach comes really really close. Generally, I’m not a fan of W hotels (although I remember the one is Seoul is pretty kick-ass). But I must admit this particular W has definitely got its shit together.
Even the service all over was excellent.
Any major glitches and/or disappointments?
Well, does it kinda irk me you pay about $600/night for a room, and they can’t even give you free WiFi? Sure it does; trifling nickel-and-diming bitches. Fortunately I’m always packin my own travel hotspot, so it wasn’t a major issue— but ya know, it’s the principle.
Also, I don’t understand why the lobby has to be below 40 degrees all the goddamned time. I guess it’s to keep all the meat fresh.
Any great standout experiences?
I did go to a new restaurant this time. Normally it’s all the usual suspects— The Restaurant at The Setai, Nobu, Mr. Chow, etc— but this time one of the beach-valet-whatever dudes recommended a Japanese place I’d never tried before called Daraku. Apparently it’s some sort of Rocky Aoki endeavor, and it was pretty good. Similar to Nobu but at half the price, I am not even kidding.
We were told the Ahi Poke was "to die for," but it actually turned out a wee too salty (drowning in soy sauce), but the Hamachi Tiradito was exceptional. The Rock Shrimp was okay (Nobu style, except with sauce on the side instead) and the Red Dragon Roll was very delicious. The rest of it was decent, and the ambience wasn’t bad either (if you don’t mind it kinda clamorous).
Supposedly it’s a big hit with the locals (read: the Miami Beach F&B industry) and it must be true, because it’s the only place I can recall in recent memory that didn’t include the gratuity automatically.
Oh! And I got to swim with the sardines!
I guess it’s the season for the Great Sardine Migration, and on the first day we watched from the balcony as a massive school of sardines traveled along the shoreline. The coolest part was when it looked like they were about to overtake this pelican that was just chillin on the surface of the ocean, but at the very last second, the sardines swam completely around the pelican!
Well, that’s exactly what happened to us too, the following day the sardines overtook us, they seemed close enough to just reach out and touch. There must have been millions of them— and right when it seemed a wave was headed straight for you and you were just about to get smacked in the face with a tide of flippery fish, they would all abruptly change direction and miss you entirely. It was one of the neatest things I’ve ever seen.
Oh but I don’t know if the poor sardines were lost or what, because one day they were heading north, but the very next day they were swimming south. So, figure that one out.
How much did you blow all weekend?
It was a four-day weekend so I guess about $4500-$5000 including airfare.
Rumors swirling within the industry have Chef Akthar Nawab slated to take over the kitchen at a very popular downtown Mexican eatery. Which begs the question, "what about Zengo?" True, Zengo’s early populace reviews on the internet and word-of-mouth have been mixed at best, but even the most insightful, jaded veterans of the industry are raising their eyebrows over a move that practically takes transience to a whole new level. And let’s never mind the head scratching over why this particular downtown "classic" Mexican eatery (which remains one of the hottest spots in town despite its persistent lack of a boldface-worthy chef) would court a media darling like Nawab in the first place. Some insiders speculate its plans to expand by opening its first offshoot in Miami (ambitiously but tentatively scheduled for the next Art Basel) may have something to do with its new foodieblog-gratifying outlook, but others insist Nawab’s superficial popularity has little or nothing to do with this latest (alleged) development, noting, "he’s just a downtown dude… ya know… with friends in the restaurant." And still others feel fit to surmise the Miami location’s impending opening is still very much on precarious footing anyway, as potential investors continue to engage in the ol’ Subsidizers’ Shuffle.
[But, on a semi-related note: this famous Mexican restaurant is said to be aggressively advancing on its goal to establish a new Jamaican counterpart.]
Whatever? We’re just sayin’.
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Salman Rushdie hearts PX This – The Revised Edition by abbe diaz
• Saturday, February 20, 2010. 2:30PM – James Gandolfini walking along the beach path near The Setai hotel in Miami Beach.
• Thursday, February 18, 2010. 7:00PM – Jackie Mason (and wife?) strolling in for dinner at Pasha’s on Lincoln Rd in Miami Beach.
• Saturday, February 20, 2010. 9:30PM – Bill Cobbs standing by the front door of The W hotel in Miami Beach, discussing with the bellhop his "plans for the evening." You can recognize that voice a mile away.
• Friday, February 19, 2010 8:30PM – Mark Margolis talking on his mobile phone in the lobby of The Shore Club and then later, walking into Nobu for dinner.
Welcome to: Where I Spent My Week Off —by a NYC Restaurant "Insider"
So, what do you do in the industry?
i’ve done a lot of things in the industry over the years— waitress, cocktail waitress, bartender, floor Read more…
Welcome to: Where I Spent My Day Off —by a NYC Restaurant "Insider"
So, what do you do in the industry?
I’m an architect, but I worked in the F&B/Nightlife industries for about 8 years as both a waitress and a doorperson at several [very popular] places in NYC.
And you have how many days off a week, generally?
Right now, ostensibly, I have weekends off, but often I end up working one way or another either one or both of those days. When I worked in nightlife, usually I had 2 to 3 days off a week.
What did you do for breakfast yesterday?
I was up pretty early so I ordered room service and had coffee and pastries while I did some work on my laptop. My boyfriend ended up sleeping in ’til later in the morning, which turned out well, since I was able to get a lot more work done. When he finally got up, he said he wasn’t hungry, so we skipped breakfast and headed straight for the beach.
Lunch?
The Setai is very close to the W where we’re staying, so we decided to leave our things and walk over and have lunch at the pool bar there. It’s actually one of my favorite places on the beach; I think the food is great there. We had the caprese salad and the caesar salad, which were both very good, but the ceviche was the best dish of all. It was a twist on a classic ceviche, with sour mango and jicama— so fresh and delicious. I also had a lychee martini, because the Setai makes the best one I’ve ever had— it’s not too sweet, because they use fresh lychee instead of the canned syrupy stuff. I don’t normally go for sweet tropical drinks, but it’s Miami!
And afterward?
Went back to our beach chairs and stayed a few more hours just lounging around. We ordered a bottle of white wine and enjoyed the sun and ocean. What a gorgeous day it was.
Afterward we decided to go for a walk on the promenade, and since we ended up walking farther than we thought, I sent a message to a friend of mine from NYC that we happened to run into the day before at the W bar. I haven’t seen her in years, and she and her husband just happened to be in Miami the same weekend!
She answered my text message pretty quickly, so we decided to stroll over to the Mondrian where they were staying. I had planned at some point to go and see it anyway, so that worked out really well.
When we got to the Mondrian, they were sitting by the pool in a cabana, so we just joined them for a drink. It turns out there’s a great view of the sunset from the bay side of Miami Beach, so it was beautiful to hang out there.
When I’d been booking our hotel for this visit, I actually couldn’t decide between the Mondrian and W, but because my boyfriend likes the beach, I chose the W. Well, evidently, Mondrian guests have access to the Delano beach, which I didn’t realize. If I had known that, I probably would have booked us at the Mondrian instead. It’s a very cute hotel, and even though I think the W is also very nice, somehow the crowd at the Mondrian seems cooler and more urbane to me. I think next time I’ll very likely try staying at the Mondrian.
Dinner?
We left our friends so that they could get showered and ready for dinner and took a walk back down the promenade toward the beach. I guess we were getting tired, because the walk seemed longer, and my boyfriend started feeling hungry. It was still early though (about 6:30PM) so we decided to just pop into Nobu for a light nibble, because he loves it. We weren’t dressed, so we just sat at the bar, which worked out fine, because apparently the dining room doesn’t open until 7PM anyway.
We ordered a medium-sized bottle of sake and had the shishito peppers, the rock shrimp and the yellowtail sashimi with jalapeño. I felt like we didn’t order that much at all, but that still ended up being $144 (including auto-gratuity).
And afterward?
Went back to the hotel to shower. It just so happens our friends that were staying at the Mondrian had reservations at Mr. Chow, so we planned to meet them there later. We weren’t hungry anymore after our meal at Nobu, so we just decided to sit by the pool and have another drink.
We stopped into Mr. Chow to see our friends, and even though we had only planned to join them for drinks and not dinner, it turned out they had two extra seats at their table anyway, so we sat down with them. Since we weren’t that hungry, we just had the chicken satay, the quail lettuce wraps and the shrimp spring rolls (which, obviously, are Mr. Chow classics). There seemed to be a lot of familiar faces there that night, and Michael Chow even stopped by the table to say hello.
Then after dinner, we all decided to check out Wall. Seeing the doorman initially was a turnoff, but he ended up being very nice. Inside was very dark (despite the neon laser light show patterns) and loud, so we ended up just taking a quick look around and leaving, because none of us were feeling into that kind of scene. So we just went to the main lobby bar instead, which was a lot more comfortable and easy-going.
How much did you blow today?
Oh god, I don’t even know. But I guess if I had to estimate? For everything all day? Maybe about $425? (Our friends got the check at Mr. Chow, and my boyfriend paid the tab at the W lobby bar).
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You Read more…
Mr.Chow vs Philippe (Miami Beach)
By now, you’ve probably heard a whole lot of hullabaloo about the never-ending epic battle between restaurant empires Mr. Chow and Philippe. And, if you’re an avid foodie web surfer, you may even have heard a lot of gripes about "mediocre food" and/or "hype" and/or "aggrandizement" etc., etc., etc.
Well, here at PX This we don’t speak of such things when it comes to enterprises such as Mr. Chow or Philippe, because — well, herein, amongst your extremely insightful and sagacious peers, that kind of talk would simply be trite and platitudinous. Come on, let’s get real— we all know The Rules about dining at Mr. Chow and/or Philippe, don’t we? And what happens, Johnny, if we don’t know The Rules? Plainly and simply: you don’t get to play and enjoy the game. Or, in other words: if you don’t "get" these restaurants, do yourself a favor, and JUST DON’T GO THERE.
That being said, why don’t we oh so percipiently, as is our wont here at PX This, elaborate on those "rules" for some of the kids trying to play along at home, shall we?
1- If you don’t realize that you have to pay for that champagne being so graciously offered to you upon your arrival, you’re a dumbass.
2- If you think that a glass of either a Dom Perignon, Krug, or Vueve Cliquot is priced less than $25 at a place like Mr. Chow or Philippe, you’re a pedestrian dumbass.
3- If you don’t believe the essential quality of the ingredients both Mr. Chow and Philiipe utilize consistently in their cuisine are actually quite top-notch, you’re an ignorant, pedestrian dumbass.
4- If you are at all concerned about the total pricetag for your meal, these establishments are not for you. Yes, there’s cheaper food in Chinatown. We know. Save the time and energy you’d normally spend whining on Yelp about the impending charge on your green American Express card, and just haul your ass to one of those places instead, why don’t you?
5- Mr. Chow is "cooler" than Philippe, but Philippe undoubtedly trumps Mr. Chow in the take-out department— Philippe Chow Express is an astute and exemplary endeavor.
OK, so, having pontificated on all this, let’s ask a knowledgeable recent visitor to Miami Beach who enthusiastically tried both Mr. Chow and Philippe, a mere one evening apart:
"Hello, luv! So… who’s the Winner on this beachfront bad boy?"
"Without hesitation, on every facet, Mr. Chow undeniably wins hands down."
Well, there you have it. (Hmm. Coincidence… or Karma? You decide.)
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
Asia de Cuba / The Pool Bar @ The Mondrian (Miami Beach)
What was your first impression?
it’s 24 degrees in new york— this looks pretty damned fine to me.
Please rate the Bar:
there are two bars inside the Mondrian Hotel. the larger one is nicer and far more comfortable.
there’s another bar poolside, and that one isn’t quite so nice. the stools are very uncomfortable (plus, 82 degrees or no 82 degrees, i will never ever ever learn to appreciate drinking from plastic "glass" ware).
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
all the bartenders seem sweet enough, but clearly appropriate wine service isn’t in their repertoire. thank goodness the californian pinot noir is decent, or he would have just completely wasted the entire drink (i would have had no qualms reminding him i DID say, "i’d like to taste" it first).
the mixed cocktail list tries a little harder, but if this is fresh lime juice in the margarita, well then i’ll be damned.
Please rate the Dining Room:
it’s very umm… white. and very loud in the evenings. which only makes me doubly glad i chose brunch instead of dinner.
Please rate the BOH:
evidently dinner is served "family style," and i didn’t bring my family with me— so again brunch and lunch prove to be better options for me. overall, i had four breakfasts and one lunch, and i’d say the BOH is somewhere between fair to good.
How was the staff?
informal and relaxed (this is miami beach after all) but very amiable and responsive. ultimately, probably better than i had expected.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
eggs benedict: pretty good. the hollandaise is slightly spicy. essentially my favorite dish of them all.
"custom" tomato, onion, and cheddar cheese omelette: eh. perhaps a bit too much cheese and not enough tomato. also, personally, it makes me a little nutso when i see people cook red onions.
bowl of fresh berries: i was a little taken aback by the $10 pricetag at first, but now that i see the size of the bowl, okay. the minced fresh mint strewn over the top is a nice inventive touch, but i’m not entirely sure i actually like it very much.
smoked salmon and bagel "new yorker": it would be so much better if the salmon were sliced thinner. otherwise, it’s fine.
jerk chicken sauce wings (thePoolBar): not bad. slightly overcooked, but i suppose over is better than under. the sauce seems more sweet than spicy to me.
caesar salad with grilled shrimp on flatbread (thePoolBar): the flatbread is so ridiculously pointless, but it could have been better (and less pointless) if it were flatter and crisper. the shrimp were okay, but i can’t quite discern the justification for— what was it?— a $15 some odd upcharge? but whatever.
kobe sliders with "mojito fries" (thePoolBar): ordered medium-rare but they arrived raw in the middle. returned them, and of course they came back medium and dry.
the mojito fries look like they could have been great conceptually, but why are they so soggy? and is that green stuff supposed to be mint? because it tastes more like lime and oregano.
What did you like?
the weather.
What did you dislike?
one day, the hotel tested the fire alarm for over two hours and that really really irritated the ever living shit out of me.
What was your last impression?
it’s very cute and nice and all, but i would think twice about returning (i would not have visited the restaurant so often had i not been a guest in the hotel).
Would you come back?
i haven’t quite decided yet. i’ll likely try a different hotel on my next visit, but if it isn’t satisfactory, i might return here.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
thank you, i had a wonderful time.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
yah this is very "miami" all right.
Please rate the Bar:
a little flashy for my tastes, personally, but whatever. it’s spacious and remarkably comfortable, considering its sleekness and obduracy.
the bartender strikes me as somebody who’s probably dealt with more than his fair share of "amateur diner" tourists, but he warms up as soon as he realizes you speak "[his] language" just fine— and by "[his] language" i mean Industry, not American.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
oh shit did i even look at the wine list? no, i guess i didn’t (hey it was my third stop of the day, and i’m a half dozen drinks in already. i’m on vacation dammit). the cocktail list is good— fancy, creative, fresh exotic ingredients and recipes blah blah etc.
oh no wait come to think of it, i had a glass of rosé. from provence. it was quite nice, actually. and reasonably priced ($12?) if i remember correctly.
Please rate the Dining Room:
very dark. very Hakkasan. but smaller than i would have imagined. unless i missed a section of the restaurant? it’s rather like a maze in here…
Please rate the BOH:
very good, as expected. quite an extensive and almost daunting menu. the timing is right on point. nice presentation.
How was the staff?
good. adept. professional. no complaints.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
duck spring roll: good. the "oyster" dipping sauce is cleaner and not as cloyingly sweet as most other places.
mushroom lettuce wraps: delicious. mushrooms aren’t my thing generally, but i’m really beginning to gain an appreciation for them.
jasmine tea-smoke ribs : very good. very tender. rich and hearty, but again, not cloying or overbearing. pretty perfect.
fried softshell crabs: very nice. also pretty perfect.
crispy szechuan shredded ribeye: sigh. ditto.
sauteed gai-lan in ginger sauce: fine, but the only dish i could say i’ve had better elsewhere.
What did you like?
the food was exceptional.
What did you dislike?
the ambience is just a wee "vegas" for me.
What was your last impression?
i’m so glad i got to try it.
Would you come back?
probably, except it’s a bit of a haul from the area of miami beach i usually prefer.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
thank you, it was lovely.
• Tuesday, December 8, 2009. 3:30PM – Kanye West lingering outside a dark SUV parked in front of a luxury residential building on West Houston St, with two bodyguard types, a driver, and a very talented young man— who was serenading him acapella right there on the sidewalk. No joke.
• Monday, December 14, 2009. 8:00PM – Sean Paul, with friend, using an Apple MacBook Pro in the American Airlines Admirals’ Club at Miami International airport.
• Sunday, December 13, 2009. 9:30PM – Steve Stoute (with entourage) having dinner and chatting with Michael Chow at Mr.Chow in Miami Beach.
• Wednesday, December 10, 2009. 6:00PM – John Utendahl and Merv Matheson having a drink (and chatting with Sasha Muniak) at the Standard Grill— because "the boom boom" was booked/closed for a private corporate holiday event.
= "personne extraordinaire"