PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Swanky, it’s kinda pretty actually. Maybe even the nicest of "the lot" (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, The Dutch, Vintry Wine & Whiskey, Rabbit in the Moon, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)
Please rate the Bar:
It’s very nice— except for the lack of seats. Sorry, never been of fan of standing-room-only imbibing. It’s a possibility that this is temporary, maybe the joint is just new and stools are coming eventually (it happens sometimes). But I wouldn’t hold my breath for them though, cuz it looks like once they arrive there won’t be much room behind the stools for any kind of traffic whatsoever— the walkway from the entrance to the dining room, past the bar, is reeeally narrow— so it’s probably safe to assume the stools won’t arrive until after the primary heyday period. And by then… well, you likely will have moved on the the next deLucie hotspot, yes?
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The cocktails are great, intriguing and creative. Fresh ingredients, quality liquors, expert mixology, beautiful glassware… oh, but you pay for what you get, all right.
The wine list too is discerning and good, and a bit more reasonable than you might expect. Uhh, maybe (See below*).
Please rate the Dining Room:
Also pretty, but ya know— kinda typical. (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, Rabbit in the Moon, Casa Lever, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)
Please rate the BOH:
Ha ha ahaa oh please. Like you give a shit.
How was the staff?
They’re fine, perfectly proficient if not exactly amiable (except for Joe, but I already knew him from elsewhere— but I was impressed he remembered me).
Hee eheee, the front desk is just a wee humorless; I’d asked if we could leave our names so he could "check with John deLucie to see if we’re worthy of being included in the database," and he was all "aww, come on…" as if I were being ludicrous or something.
Well, it turned out we already were in the database after all, but then we only scored a 6:30 on a Wednesday, so we must not have been marked "PX." I mean, if it were me running that OpenTable for example, I’d have changed us to PX just for our blatant display of sagacity and awesome comedic wit. Also, I probably wouldn’t be harping on about it so much right now, except for "Ferret"s ex-wife apparently getting an 8:30, which must mean she somehow qualifies as a PX whereas we don’t. And to me that’s just fucking hilarious.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Oh gimme a break. No, seriously? Like you care : And if you do care, you should probably keep it to yourself. Otherwise then you’ll maybe sound as goofy as the couple seated next to us (yea, clearly also not PX, what with their 6:15 and all) tittering to each other like they never had dinner in New York City before— and then ingratiating themselves to John deLucie with their business card right after their meal. I mean, anybody who would dine that elatedly at 6PM then ask the chef a question like "Do you know Dr. So and So?!" has gotta live in like Long Island or something, sorry. Or maybe that’s just a UES thing, honestly I don’t know.
But fine, we had the tuna nicoise, the salmon tartare, the seafod salad, the ravioli, and the pork something-or-other (? that tasted like ham)— just to give you an idea of the menu. But I swear if you force me to elaborate, I think I might just totally burn down this website, my book, the manuscript for my next book, all the scripts for the rest of the whole shebang, and the fucking Facebook® fan page. Because then I will have QUIT, bitches.
(P.S. No biscuits, though.)
What did you like?
Now I get to say "been there, done that." Godd, I’m cool.
What did you dislike?
That I’m a big enough tool that I neeeed to say, "Been there, done that. Godd, I’m cool."
What was your last impression?
What in the world is with the haunted POS system? Is that Micros? Is it used or refurbished or made in China or something?
Just a word of advice: make sure you take a good look at your check at the end of the night. Cuz *the wine bottles just miiight be priced $20 higher than the wine list dictates, and although the appetizers don’t actually appear invoiced on the bill, somehow their costs are added to the total sum anyways. So ya know, you might then have to spend sorta an inordinate amount of time calculating in your head the possibility of any further discrepancies.
What— I’m not cheap nor anal; it’s the principle, mutherfukkers.
Would you come back?
It’s not exactly my neighborhood…
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
To quote former New York Times critic Frank Bruni: "xoxo"!
* * * * *
Have you heard?
Until the release of PX Me (Spring 2012), this website will henceforth be updated only intermittently (approximately once or twice a week).
Abbe Diaz’s new (daily) blog is now at: abbediaz.com
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Oh gee, this is unique. (That’s sarcasm.)
Please rate the Bar:
It’s… typical. (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Hotel Griffou, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, Vintry Wine & Whiskey, Rabbit in the Moon…)
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Oh come on, really? See above.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Smaller than you imagine. Remember how expansive was Village’s dining room? Well, now it seems as though a lot of that is now the open kitchen— which sort of makes you wonder where the kitchen was before. The high ceiling makes it seem much more capacious than the room actually accommodates, and yet, for some reason, less spacious than its prior incarnation. (Dude, maybe it’s like totally an optical illusion!)
Also: see above.
Please rate the BOH:
Ha ha ha ha. See: the first half of above.
I mean seriously though, what is it you expect from this review anyway? An epiphany? You know you’re not going for the food.
Oh wait, I got something BOH for ya. Remember back when someone kept sending e-mails to us, claiming that chef John deLucie was actually not "on leave" from The Waverly Inn as was reported but was, in essence, "fired"? And then deLucie responded via text message refuting those claims? Well, it turns out— apparently, he lied. (So, to whomever was so generously trying to apprise us of the paradox all along: Our bad!)
How was the staff?
Fine. Especially considering it’s pretty much everyone you already know. Which, ya know, can be a good thing. Or sometimes… not. LOL!
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Tuna Tartare, Beet Salad, Pappardelle, Burger / Oh, like you care.
I mean seriously though, what is it you expect from this review anyway? An epiphany? You know you’re not going for the food. Which is probably a good thing, because you’ve had all this stuff already. Yeh, the biscuits too.
What did you like?
It’s conveniently located?
What did you dislike?
The redundancy.
What was your last impression?
"Been there. Done that." That proves I’m fierce, right?
Would you come back?
Hmm, maybe I’ll just wait for the next place just like this to open. It’ll be what— 4 to 6 months, tops?
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Ha ha ha, I’m sure you will! At the next place. Anna Wintour’s maybe.
• Rumor has it David Bouley has "let go" of corporate chef Shea Gallante. This report has not been confirmed, however, as further inquiries have merely resulted in eye rolls and knowing smirks. Besides, it’s not really our job nor inclination here at PX This to sweat and/or verify these things (we’re not a fucking foodie blog, dammit!) but, you can feel free to bear in mind that since its 2004 inception, PX This has never been wrong.
It’s much more fun to sit back and watch others do the work, anyway. Imagining the PR people and whanot suddenly scrambling to send appeasing press releases to Florence Fabricant is always good for chuckle.
• John deLucie responds via SMS to the persistent e-mails PX This has received that he was "fired" and not simply "on leave" from The Waverly Inn. He writes, "I’m a partner. How can I be fired?"
Mmmkay? Got that? We hope you’re satisfied now. Just sayin’.
• John McDonald replies to an inquiry about the renovation of Chinatown Brasserie: "Eh, we haven’t even started yet… you know how it is."
• Lastly, our two nightlife impresarios on the subject of their latest venture: "The Russian is out… but we got this other guy from Belarus…"
Just in case you were wondering.
Chef John deLucie of the famous Waverly Inn cooked papardelle with roasted butternut squash and mushrooms at Bloomingdales on Lexington Ave, and you totally missed it. Doesn’t he look cute?
By the way, have you read The Hunger yet? What are you waiting for?
= "personne extraordinaire"