The Devil Eats Jerk Pork. NOT.
The latest captivating chatter in and amongst the industry has Anna Wintour rumored to have already slapped Serge Becker‘s latest not-yet-open downtown "café" with a preliminary smackdown. As you may recall, one of Becker’s other establishments, La Esquina, was recently unjustly obstructed from doing business for three days, and some speculation seems to place an irate neighbor at the core of that unwarranted temporary shutdown. Unfortunately for said neighbor, La Esquina was quickly found to be "in compliance with New York City building codes," and the Department of Buildings is said to have "scrambled" to rescind their erroneous judgement after an attorney and judges from as far away as Washington DC were consulted (presumably to help expedite the matter faster and more efficiently than New York’s frustratingly backlogged bureaucracy) on the arguably distorted assessment of celebrity-haven La Esquina’s "imminent… peril… to life."
Well!
Here we go again? The recent salacious out-and-about tittle-tattle has Anna Wintour allegedly warning Serge Becker to refrain from throwing "parties" at his new currently-under-construction exotic eatery, located (perilously?) close to Ms. Wintour’s abode.
LOL! Silly Anna. Every night’s… ♪♪ a holiday at Huuurleeey’s! ♪♪ [Quick: name that movie.]
In any case, Serge Becker & Co. might best hope a set of new $10,000.00 soundproof windows can propitiate Ms. Wintour. But frankly, we can’t help but suggest they get down on their knees and pray she doesn’t decide to implement a strategy that could conceivably be classified a "C*ntyNasty," whereby she would perhaps exert her powerful influence to contribute to the restaurant’s undoing, only to open her very own ‘hotspot’ hash house located conveniently close to her residence.
Does Anna Wintour have 311 on speed dial? Would downtown NYC be better served by a more subdued bistro, with a menu based entirely on supermodel-satiating lettuce leaves and water, than a "café" offering up callaloo and whatnot? Stay tuned!
Ahh, so starts the wintour of our discontent…
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For more details on Graydon Carter and the strategic implementation of “the C*ntyNasty” read PX This – The Revised Edition and PX Me – The Sequel to PX This (Coming Soon in the Spring of 2012)
** See our latest UPDATE on Serge Becker’s newest enterprise **
abbe diaz says:
Oh rilly, Sietsema? Well, I’m kinda irked by you both.
I’m no fan of A.A.Gill; lots of people more au courant than you already know this. And I don’t generally make of habit of reading you or other writers of your "genre"– (so, no offense) primarily because you’re all kinda a little full of it. (But that’s okay, cuz I’m pretty sure yalls don’t "read" me either, yah?)
I guess what I’m wondering is why you’re so many days late and quite a few dollars short. Cuz I mean like, for example, even I personally covered this angle eons ago. It just seems rather odd to me that when Graydon Carter hired A.A.Gill for his notorious "takedown" of Jean-Georges’s 66 six years ago, nobody really gave a shit (except maybe The Observer). And let’s bear in mind— that multimillion dollar restaurant no longer exists. (Coincidence? Perhaps. But certainly Vanity Fair didn’t help matters much, did it?)
So, is your article supposed to inspire me to indignation now? Sorry, to me it just comes off as kinda a little laughable. And irksome. Oh right, I already mentioned that.
I’m just sayin. (This is the "comment section," right?)
P.S. PX This – The Revised Edition and PX This, Too. ** Coming soon in the Spring of 2010!** Bitches.
*See also (earlier):
• "i’m going in…"
• Here’s at least one benefit of the recession. According to a 25-year professional Waste Management veteran, the dramatic increase in businesses closing (and employees losing their jobs) has resulted in less waste. He approximates his routes alone collect about "20,000 less tons of trash " per week.
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal attempts to instruct restaurant patrons on "How to be a Regular." Unfortunately, his advice is a load of crap. Oh ha, "crap" ha! There’s a joke about trying to be "regular" somewhere in there! Probably. - Vanilla Ice
• Steve Lewis updates us on his feud with Todd English (wherein he "pulled an Abbe Diaz" (!) – his words). - Inkslinger
• Famke Janssen was spotted twice this week (because she’s a total stalker). First on Bleecker and 6th Ave (walking by the fountain) looking cute in trendy casual cargo shorts and a lovely jaunty fedora. Homegirl must be a bit of a klutz though, constantly bumping into low furnitures and whatnot, seeing as her (long! thin!) legs were looking a wee bit bruised and purply.
Our second encounter found her dining at MeKong with a diminutive female friend. Ms. Janssen didn’t seem to mind at all that the air conditioner above her head was dripping all over the table (which we had just abandoned prior, specifically for that reason). She also really loves her dog. He’s an adorable stout puggish slightly overweight nearly cross-eyed little thing, but Ms. Janssen reached down and scooped up all 15 or so pounds of him, and dined with him ensconced in her lap for the entire rest of her meal. Aww.
And if that scarf and handbag she was rockin are really actually from a street vendor like they purport, well— go on with yer bad self, Famke.
You look fabulous!
• Idiohack Ben Leventhal (characteristically) swings joyously from Keith McNally’s testicles as he announces the news McNally will team with Nate Appleman on their new soon-to-open pizzeria project. - Dick Johnson
• Our intrepid heroine takes on (Idiohack Wonder Twins) Joshua David Stein and Josh Ozersky — where else? — in the comment section of New York Magazine’s GrubStreet. A Must Read! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’s better than Moby Dick. - Dick Johnson
• Anna Wintour offspring, Bee Shaffer with dad, David Shaffer — spotted walking into "the phone store" on 6th Ave (where everrrrybody fabulous buys/services their cellular phones) to inquire about — what else? — new cellular phones.
Oh, WHICH "phone store" you ask?
Well, if you have to ask, you must not be fabulous? In which case, Mike the phone store owner responds, "Puhleese. I have enough [overbearing, annoying, demanding, rich luddite moron] customers on my hands. Thanks, but no thanks." Evidently, Mike pays mucho moola in rent for his tiny store in its swanky location. He doesn’t mind the trickle — a flood he definitely doesn’t need. If you require his services, you’ll find him.
• Blogger Choire Sicha breaks the news about (his former boyfriend) Frank Bruni’s replacement at The New York Times. Aww….(?).
Heh, jerkfaced Gawker commentators who typically swing from Sicha’s testicles (since he used to blog for Gawker) didn’t even know Choire Sicha once dated Frank Bruni! Because, despite all their pretensions, a lot of Gawker commentators are just ignorant fucking idiots. - Vanilla Ice
• Adam Platt files his review of Graydon Carter’s Monkey Bar.
"… ‘I’m not supposed to say,’ the waiter whispered, before explaining, with a conspiratorial grin, that the front-room staff at Mr. Carter’s restaurant had been asked to sign confidentiality agreements when taking their jobs…."
Thanks a lot, Abbe. I guess other aspiring waiter cum memoirists are just shit outta luck, huh? - Vanilla Ice
= "personne extraordinaire"