PX This.

The Devil Eats Jerk Pork. NOT.

The latest captivating chatter in and amongst the industry has Anna Wintour rumored to have already slapped Serge Becker‘s latest not-yet-open downtown "café" with a preliminary smackdown. As you may recall, one of Becker’s other establishments, La Esquina, was recently unjustly obstructed from doing business for three days, and some speculation seems to place an irate neighbor at the core of that unwarranted temporary shutdown. Unfortunately for said neighbor, La Esquina was quickly found to be "in compliance with New York City building codes," and the Department of Buildings is said to have "scrambled" to rescind their erroneous judgement after an attorney and judges from as far away as Washington DC were consulted (presumably to help expedite the matter faster and more efficiently than New York’s frustratingly backlogged bureaucracy) on the arguably distorted assessment of celebrity-haven La Esquina’s "imminent… peril… to life."

Well!
Here we go again? The recent salacious out-and-about tittle-tattle has Anna Wintour allegedly warning Serge Becker to refrain from throwing "parties" at his new currently-under-construction exotic eatery, located (perilously?) close to Ms. Wintour’s abode.
LOL! Silly Anna. Every night’s… ♪♪ a holiday at Huuurleeey’s! ♪♪ [Quick: name that movie.]

In any case, Serge Becker & Co. might best hope a set of new $10,000.00 soundproof windows can propitiate Ms. Wintour. But frankly, we can’t help but suggest they get down on their knees and pray she doesn’t decide to implement a strategy that could conceivably be classified a "C*ntyNasty," whereby she would perhaps exert her powerful influence to contribute to the restaurant’s undoing, only to open her very own ‘hotspot’ hash house located conveniently close to her residence.

Does Anna Wintour have 311 on speed dial? Would downtown NYC be better served by a more subdued bistro, with a menu based entirely on supermodel-satiating lettuce leaves and water, than a "café" offering up callaloo and whatnot? Stay tuned!
Ahh, so starts the wintour of our discontent…

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For more details on Graydon Carter and the strategic implementation of “the C*ntyNasty” read PX This – The Revised Edition and PX Me – The Sequel to PX This (Coming Soon in the Spring of 2012)

** See our latest UPDATE on Serge Becker’s newest enterprise **

You better worrrk.

Renowned chef Philippe Chow demonstrates his technique for the world-famous chicken satay— for a ‘standing room only’ crowd at Macy’s Herald Square, Thursday, April 1st.

Mmmmm, sataaay…

Aaaand, now we have to kill you.

* with special thanks to Stratis Morfogen

"i can’t believe that bitch gets more press than i, by maybe-being-me" —abbe diaz, 8/24/07

Well! Hey, Abbe— you wish, Miss Thing! Looks like Ms. Butler has some lessons for you in the art of Media Hype & Hoopla Hustling.

"…the notorious Gwen Butler, after an incident that occurred after service Wednesday night. ‘She assaulted me,’ Skeen tells us. We’ve heard the chef was punched in the face…"

Wow! That’s hott. No wait— that’s better than hott. Hell, that’s gansta.

Anywho, just wanted to say, "Hi, Snax!" Lookin’ good, mami. Mrreeoowwr!
Thanks for making the food blogs fun again! We haven’t read anything this LOL inducing since… well… this.

Luv ya!
Your adoring fans at PX This.
*** See our latest UPDATE on Gwen Butler ***

**See also (earlier):

• SYMPATHY 4 THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY

• Chef Roman à Clef: "I’m not Abbe"

• Is our mystery roman à clef writer Boston’s $2.45 Million Dollar Bartender?

• "I’ll punch somebody if it gets me in Page Six. Just kidding…"

• "Think of it – you would be so badass…"

** For more on this story, read PX Me – The Sequel to PX This – Coming in the Spring of 2011 **

Mr.Chow vs Philippe (Miami Beach)

By now, you’ve probably heard a whole lot of hullabaloo about the never-ending epic battle between restaurant empires Mr. Chow and Philippe. And, if you’re an avid foodie web surfer, you may even have heard a lot of gripes about "mediocre food" and/or "hype" and/or "aggrandizement" etc., etc., etc.

Well, here at PX This we don’t speak of such things when it comes to enterprises such as Mr. Chow or Philippe, because — well, herein, amongst your extremely insightful and sagacious peers, that kind of talk would simply be trite and platitudinous. Come on, let’s get real— we all know The Rules about dining at Mr. Chow and/or Philippe, don’t we? And what happens, Johnny, if we don’t know The Rules? Plainly and simply: you don’t get to play and enjoy the game. Or, in other words: if you don’t "get" these restaurants, do yourself a favor, and JUST DON’T GO THERE.

That being said, why don’t we oh so percipiently, as is our wont here at PX This, elaborate on those "rules" for some of the kids trying to play along at home, shall we?

1- If you don’t realize that you have to pay for that champagne being so graciously offered to you upon your arrival, you’re a dumbass.

2- If you think that a glass of either a Dom Perignon, Krug, or Vueve Cliquot is priced less than $25 at a place like Mr. Chow or Philippe, you’re a pedestrian dumbass.

3- If you don’t believe the essential quality of the ingredients both Mr. Chow and Philiipe utilize consistently in their cuisine are actually quite top-notch, you’re an ignorant, pedestrian dumbass.

4- If you are at all concerned about the total pricetag for your meal, these establishments are not for you. Yes, there’s cheaper food in Chinatown. We know. Save the time and energy you’d normally spend whining on Yelp about the impending charge on your green American Express card, and just haul your ass to one of those places instead, why don’t you?

5- Mr. Chow is "cooler" than Philippe, but Philippe undoubtedly trumps Mr. Chow in the take-out department— Philippe Chow Express is an astute and exemplary endeavor.

OK, so, having pontificated on all this, let’s ask a knowledgeable recent visitor to Miami Beach who enthusiastically tried both Mr. Chow and Philippe, a mere one evening apart:

"Hello, luv! So… who’s the Winner on this beachfront bad boy?"

"Without hesitation, on every facet, Mr. Chow undeniably wins hands down."

Well, there you have it. (Hmm. Coincidence… or Karma? You decide.)

Chef Anne Burrell et al Sued for Discrimination…

PX This has recently obtained the official Supreme Court docket (Index No. 108471-2008 Filed: March 23, 2009) for Susan Kendall Bradford, Jennifer Sue Lim, and Sarra Hennigan VS Anne Burrell, Centro Vinoteca, Sasha Muniak, and George Elkins alleging that the plaintiffs were subject to "discrimination" and "retaliation" in violation of the Human Rights Law. Among the plaintiffs complaints are the accusations that (former Centro Vinoteca chef) Anne Burell subjected the plaintiffs to persistent ridicule and disparagement, at times calling the plaintiffs (all formerly employed by Centro Vinoteca) such derogatory terms as "slutty," "saggy," "ho," "whore," and "stupid dumb whore… idiot." The plaintiffs also assert Burell persistently addressed them mockingly, commenting on their "cleavage," and "harassing" them with such offensive remarks as, "have you fucked that [co-worker] yet?" The plaintiffs further allege they were wrongfully terminated in "retaliation" for their "complaints" about Burrell.

The lawsuit charges that Elkins and Muniak were aware of these circumstances but failed to address the situation in a manner consistent with the NY State Human Rights Law.
According to the docket, the defendants Elkins and Muniak sought to dismiss these claims "as asserted by all plaintiffs, and as asserted by Hennigan against Burrell, …the Complaint is devoid of any allegation against either Muniak or Elkins or of any actionable comments made by Burrell."

"Additionally, plaintiffs have failed to adequately allege that they suffered adverse employment actions by Muniak and Elkins. As to the remaining allegations which do not involve Burrell, such allegations do not identify (1) who allegedly told Bradford to dress nicely for New Years’ Eve, (2) the manager who allegedly told Lim and Bradford to work during brunch, (3) who allegedly replaced Lim after she left for a few days when her mother passed away, (4) who fired Bradford and gave Bradford’s shifts to the new bartender, (5) who allegedly fired Lim, told her she was being suspended, or which manager never returned her calls, or (6) who allegedly terminated each of them Bradford or Lim, or constructively terminated Hennigan. And,to the extent my of the above-allegations constitute adverse employment actjons, plaintiffs have failed to allege individual liability against Muniak or Elkins under New York law. Their names a re absent from all such allegations, and plaintiffs do not specifically allege that Muniak or Elkins were personally involved in any of said conduct. In addition, those allegations made ‘collectively’ against defendants are similarly insufficient. Thus, plaintiffs failed to state causes of action against Muniak and Elkins."

The Supreme Court, however, disagreed and found, "the Complaint sufficiently alleges Muniak’s, Elkin’s and Burrell’s alleged managerial roles at Centro, their ability to hire and fire plaintiffs, their failures to sufficiently investigate the complaints made against Burrell, and the ultimate termination of Lim and Bradford, and constructive termination of Hennigan." Furthermore, "…plaintiffs’ complaint sufficiently alleges that defendants terminated or constructively terminated the plaintiffs after defendants received complaints concerning Burrell’s alleged discriminatory conduct."

As it currently stands, "dismissal… is denied." The case is presently ongoing.

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For more information on Anne Burrell, read PX Me – The Sequel to PX This – Coming Soon in the Spring of 2012

Dick Johnson: Knock knock.
abbe diaz: just get on with it.

DJ: LOL. Sorry! Just trying to lighten the mood… OK, so you saw the Crain’s article?
ad: yah

DJ: What, no rampage in the Crain’s comments section from "Crazypants"? Your fan club must be so disappointed.
ad: what is there to "rampage" about? did you read the article? i thought it was good. it’s nice to see a bit of true, impartial news for a change. there’s nothing for me to refute.

DJ: Eater dotcom commenters are calling for your rebuttal. Or at least, one comment says it’s "surprised" you haven’t denied it on PX This.
ad: yah, i saw it. whatever. i only deny what ISN’T TRUE, duh.

DJ: So, you’re not going to comment? Enquiring minds want to know…
ad: want to know what? nobody asked me any questions.

DJ: OK, fine. I’m asking you.
ad: and i really appreciate that, thanks. but i still don’t see a question.

DJ: What’s going on with Mangia 57th and Centro Vinoteca’s filing for Chapter 11?
ad: is that what i’m supposed to comment on? i’m not their publicist you know. and i have neither the inclination nor the authority to discuss their business with anyone.
are you asking me my personal opinion? because that’s a different story.

DJ: But, by your own admission, you do consult with them occasionally. Word on the internet is you get "highly paid" to do so, right?
ad: Mangia and Centro, obviously, as a company, have plenty of attorneys and advisors. my advice wasn’t sought on this matter, but if it had been, i would have said i wholeheartedly agree with their latest course of action. hypothetically speaking.

DJ: Yes! Let’s play "Hypothetically Speaking"! This should be fun.
ad: loads.

DJ: Hypothetically Speaking: Restaurant Enterprise-101
ad: probably more like RestaurantEnterprise:410, but whatever.

DJ: Hypothetically speaking, what are your thoughts on a company like Mangia57th filing Chapter 11?
ad: ooh. really? what a nice question! hmm, well let’s see—

first of all, let’s assume it’s a company juuust like Mangia57. well, according to the Crain’s article, it would "[owe] creditors less than $10 million."
okay, well let’s say— if i were simply an objective observer and not just some dumb idiot creepface looking to gleefully tapdance on somebody’s grave, i would say that seems like an awful little amount to file over. under $10M total? (i actually very much like how the Crain’s article almost seems to be scratching its head over this one, as well.)
i mean, i would think this would be relatively easy to confirm, but i would assume a company like Mangia takes in about $1M per WEEK.
also— a debt of $335,000 to the landlord and (a disputable) $260,000 to the state? that’s less than $600,000.
i mean… for example, i know of another company juuust like Mangia, and last year their BANK FEES ALONE were about $600,000.

which! brings me to another point.
hey did you see how some of the banks have been rahrah’ing lately because they’re apparently about to pay back billions of dollars in bailout money collected from unsuspecting taxpayers? isn’t it amazing how they were able to raise all that profit so quickly?
oh wait— maybe not so amazing? cuz peoples all over the country are complaining about how their fees have skyrocketed and how the banks do creepy things like intentionally approve all your debit purchases and withdraw monthly fees at random intervals so that when you happen to spend over your available balance because you had no cash on you but you bought a pack of gum at the deli, now suddenly that gum costs you $35 in overdraft fees?

and dumbass that you are, you also went to Kinko’s for your boss and charged another $3.00 on your debit card for copies (expecting to be reimbursed), but now the transaction for those copies have just cost you ANOTHER $35 overdraft fee? so now you just spent $70 on $3 worth of copies and a pack of gum?

now— if last year those banks made that kind of money off the average broke-assed citizen, what exactly do you think is happening to big companies like Mangia?

i mean, imagine instead of say your monthly $15 checking fee they automatically debited (which you thought you still had in your account and that’s why you bought the pack of gum at the deli and charged the copies at Kinko’s in the first place)— that monthly fee was ohhh like $40,000.00?
do you see how that could occasionally be kinda problematic?

now let’s say you went to the bank and you waited on line and you finally got to sit and talk to one of those peoples in the little desk cubicle thingies—
and you said, "hey banker dude. i’ve been your banking customer for dozens of years now and we’ve never had a problem like this before. why do i owe you $70 for a pack of gum and $3 worth of copies from Kinko’s? if you hadn’t taken out that $15 monthly fee… what’s that? it’s $25 now? that’s outrageous!… well you didn’t tell me the price went up and that it would be withdrawn so randomly… how do you expect me to pay an additional $80 in fees for a pack of gum and Kinko’s copies?"

and the bank dude replied, "yesssss, thank you so much for your patronage over the years. suck it. we have bailout funds to pay back cuz president-obama won’t let us get our multimillion dollar bonuses."

hmm.
i don’t know bout you, but if i had another option (and lots of attorneys and advisors!), i’d be damned if i’m paying that $80. i’m just sayin.

that was fun! next question?

DJ: LOL. I’m glad you asked, because I do have another question. What about Centro Vinoteca filing Chapter 11? Oh sorry, I mean HYPOTHETICALLY, what about a company LIKE Centro Vinoteca filing Chapter 11?
ad: wow. another great question!
well, HYPOTHETICALLY, let me ask you this. how does one prove, exactly, you know something?

DJ: Beg pardon? You’re not making sense.
ad: yah exactly, thank you.
okay
how about— let’s just say… i lost… an umbrella, for example. and then i said to you, "hey dick-johnson. where’s my umbrella?"
and you reply, "i don’t know." and i say, "yes you do." and you say, "no, i don’t." and i rebut, "but i told you where i left it." and you retort, "no you didn’t, are you smoking crack or something?" and i respond, "yes i told you where it was." and you insist, "no, you did not." and i dispute, "yes i did. well, at least, i told willie-wang where i put the umbrella and i’m sure he told you." and you assert, "willie-wang didn’t tell me shit. i don’t know where your stupid umbrella is."

and so i tell you, "well, i’m sure i told willie-wang to tell you where the umbrella is and now i can’t find it, so now you have to buy me a new umbrella."
and you answer, "what? i never knew where your jackassed umbrella was. i never saw it, i never touched it, you never told me where you put it, and willie-wang never said anything to me about it. period end of story."
and i say, "well, i don’t care what you say, you’re still buying me a new umbrella."
so you ask, "i had nothing to do with you losing your umbrella. why should i buy you a new umbrella?"
and i respond: "cuz it was a really really fancy expensive umbrella and YOU are the only one who can afford it."

i wonder— would you buy me a new umbrella or would you tell me to go fuck myself?

DJ: Oh, I would definitely tell you to go fuck yourself.
ad: i thought so. next question?

DJ: So, are you saying Leah Cohen didn’t leave Centro Vinoteca because of cashflow problems?
ad: as far as i know, she’s on her way to southeast asia and she’ll be traveling for nine months. does that sound like somebody who wasn’t making money to you? better yet, why don’t you just ask her.

DJ: Is the Gusto Ristorante townhouse for sale? Can I buy it?
ad: i think the only way to answer that question is to MAKE AN OFFER ALREADY. be sure to bring along a certified check.

DJ: OK, one last question. Can I blog about the you-know-what now? Seeing as the cat’s… kind of out of the bag and all?
ad: frankly my dear i don’t give a shit.

okay well thanks to the peoples who forwarded along all the hoopla about MinettaTavern and former Gawker whatever jesse-oxfeld. at first i thought it was kinda amusing, but i wasn’t going to address it because— well quite frankly, who gives a shit. woooo somebody who is not a PX got treated like dog poop by a "hott" restaurant! wow that is such the newsflash, i’m amazed there isn’t a whole fucking book about it.
oh wait right, there is. dipshits.

but whatever. you want the astoundingly brilliant wisdom i have come to be known far and wide across the interwebs for distilling with such consistency and remarkable aplomb?

you got it, bitches.

yah so.
okay when i read alls about what (allegedly?) happened, my first instinct was:
aha ha ha ha ahaaah i aint buyin it.

oh i mean— of coooourse i buy the part about some geeky writer dude getting dissed by MinettaTavern. i mean like, DUH.
but sorrrry, i don’t believe the keith-mcnally responsive "excuse" for one second.
you’re dying to know why, aren’t you?

well. lots of reasons!
but mainly cuz i feel like "oh child, i have BEEN THERE, honey."

see, i never had the (assuredly awesome) experience of working for keith-mcnally, but i have worked for his brother brian-mcnally (as you’re all well aware).
anyways one time, a former manager of Pastis told me it’s pretty much "the same" situation. and i believe it cuz even keith-mcnally’s beautiful and enchanting wife alina-johnson.mcnally a whiles ago remarked to me how she and her hubby used to "have screaming matches at the front desk" back when she was a maiterdee (wow that’s just like me and brian! without the ring, the house, and the babies). and then later a former manager of Balthazar confirmed all this with a little anecdote of his own. oh but i digress.

anyhoo
when i attempt to re-enact the whole scenario in my imagination, this is how i envision (with all the vast knowledge and undeniable insight i possess) the whole rigmarole musta gone down:

- geeky writer dude phones in, can’t get his rezzie, blah blah, pitches a hissy fit.

- reservationist "hannan" puts him on hold, checks his name in the OpenTable database and voilà— just as she suspected— he aint shit.
but wait! maybe there’s no OpenTable? fine. so okay she does the next best (and smartest) thing: she checks with big dawg himself. just in case. cuz ya know— some of the most obnoxious peoples on the telephone are often the most important peoples in the wooooorld, no?

- keith-mcnally replies to her inquiry: "jesse ox what? who the fuck is he?"

- and unfortunately, hannan doesn’t have an answer. tsk tsk bad hannan bad hannan. (that’s why you’re just a reservationist and not a maiterdee where all the big money and prestige is, hannan! start keeping up with that PageSix/GothamMag/blogger-circle-jerk, girl! unless of course this is just some stupid side gig to you, because you are too busy working on that PhD— in which case, you GO. carry on. just ignore me.)

- and so keith-mcnally decides: "i would throw out any peasant in the place…!" oh whoops, sorry! wrong restaurateur. i meant

– and so keith-mcnally decides: "eh. i’m too sexy for that clown." or something like that.

- and so hannan goes back to the telephone to inform jesse-ollyollyoxenfree he is not welcome EVERRRR. unless he wants to come at 6 or 11pm.

THEN! OMG IT’S ALLS OVER THE INTERWEBS A GEEKY WRITER DUDE GOT DISSED AAACK GAAGGH ARRRGGH SOUND THE CIRCLE JERKY ALARMS IT’S ANARCHY IT’S CHAOS AND WTF ARE THOSE BLONDE STREAK THINGIES HIS ACTUAL HAIRDO OR IS THAT SOME KIND OF BIZARRO LENS DISTORTION???!!!!

- so keith-mcnally responds to all the blogga blogga drama the only typically unimaginative way he can— he blames it all on poor stupid idiotic hannan. he claims:
"…Mr. Oxfeld was so pushy and aggressive on the telephone that she took it upon herself to distort the reservation policy to ensure that someone as unpleasant-sounding as Mr. Oxfeld would not be eating at Minetta Tavern…" 

mmmm… hmm?
BULLSHIT i say.

riiiiight. hannan gives a rat’s ass WHO comes to MinettaTavern, WHY again? cuz i mean, it’s not like she CLOCKS OUT and GOES THE FUCK HOME after her shift working the phone lines or anything.
and she "took it upon herself" to brandish her sword and become the official guardian of the sanctity of the restaurant, cuz i’m sure they’ve NEVER HAD AN OBNOXIOUS PATRON BEFORE, and she really really really felt she wanted to EARN that $7.00 per hour, boy— cuz answering the neverending ringadings and saying the same exact shit a bazillion times a day simply isn’t exhibiting enough dedication to her field. right?

and let’s never mind that if mcnally’s excuse were true, hannan would soooo be FIRED right now. at least, that’s what would have happened at a brian-mcnally establishment. no wait, i’m sorry. she would be FIRED, unless she was really gorgeous and coquettish, and then she would be ‘FIRED with the option of re-employment.’

in short:

come on now. GET SERIOUS.

gawd you people are silly.

Gottino’s Michael Bull is in Litigation with Partner/Chef Jody Williams

Members and/or followers of theForum @PX This might well recall chef Jody Williams’s long, convoluted history. Almost a year ago, speculation arose that things might not be all that verdant in Denmark. Much more recent rumors have been swirling that Michael Bull has indeed filed a lawsuit against Jody Williams, alleging (among other things) she may have illicitly misapproriated up to “$95,000.00 of company money.”

A source familiar with the story quotes Michael Bull as having stated, “The gloves are off and the fight is on… I will close [Gottino] down if I have to.” Some former employers of Williams have also been pre-informed they may be subject to court deposition. Williams might best hope Keith McNally is not one of them, as he recently remarked in an interview with Restaurant Girl that he “did not enjoy working with her.”
Williams was the opening chef for McNally’s first foray in Italian cuisine. She left Gusto Ristorante (located several blocks form Morandi) amid a flurry of unsubstantiated gossip in the Spring of 2007. She was fired from Morandi in the Spring of 2008.
Gusto proprietor Sasha Muniak, when asked to comment on the lawsuit, replies, “… I did briefly discuss it with Keith… I know how [Bull and McNally] feel… I guess [Williams's leaving] was a blessing all along.”

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For more information on Jody Williams, read PX This Too (the Sequel to PX This) – Coming Soon in the Autumn of 2010