PX This presents THE "WORD OF MOUTH" REVIEW
We’re actually getting kinda sick of new restaurants; it’s a bit tedious pointing out the same types of flaws over and over and over again and ultimately being disappointed more often than impressed. (Here’s a novel idea: why don’t you try working to improve the shitty restaurant you already have, rather than opening a new one every nine months, you greedy egomaniacal bastard?) But hey, maybe that’s just us.
Anyhoo! It’s so nice to see you! We hadn’t planned on visiting your place, probably like— ever— but the "word of mouth" on this joint has been pretty outstanding. So, ya know— we’re intrigued. We’re hoping that good "word of mouth" is all genuine, and we can get us some of that good in our mouth. Word.
What’s that? You’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you’re hoping we’ll like it and help spread the news, since you fired your publicist long ago for not doing jack shit for you?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what obnoxious opinionated food-bloggers are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What exactly made you choose our restaurant?
I was craving sea urchin pasta, and yours is pretty famous.
What was your first impression?
Wow, it really is Japanese all right.
Please rate the Bar:
It’s okay. Kinda small and cramped, but that’s typically Asian. Asians tend to do their eating in one place and their drinking later, elsewhere, like in a bar/lounge/nightclub. They’ve never really fully grasped the concept of dining and imbibing all in the same place.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Oh shoot, come to think of it, is there even a full ABC license here? I don’t remember. Opted for wine— and the list is brief and simple. Decent and reasonbly-priced if not particularly sagacious or adventurous.
Please rate the Dining Room:
I love the open kitchen, but the dining room is a bit austere.
Please rate the BOH:
Technically the BOH is in the FOH, and it’s very good. Not exceptionally creative, but solid and straightforward.
How was the staff?
Good. Polite, attentive, and proficient.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Bagna Cauda : Delicious. Excellent dipping sauce, rich and flavorful. Maybe one of the best I’ve ever had.
Caesar Salad : Nice. Fresh, tasty. Classic.
Spaghetti ai Ricci di Mare : Here we go, the famous sea urchin pasta. Maybe just a touch too al dente for my tastes, but otherwise quite satisfactory. Score.
Spaghetti con Prosciutto e Parmigiano : Cute presentation what with the big cheese wheel and whatnot. And very scrumptious. Hearty and luscious. Two for two.
What did you like?
I think maybe I liked the prosciutto/parmigiano even better than the sea urchin.
What did you dislike?
Well… it is kinda bright in here.
What was your last impression?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if every good restaurant could stay open 20+ whatever years?
Would you come back?
Absolutely.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was a pleasure.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Uhh… huh.
Well, it sure is a whole lot darker than its photograph would suggest.
Please rate the Bar:
It’s small, a bit cramped and cluttered, but remarkably sedate. Like, if you could imagine a bar ever being built in a library, this would be it.
The bartenders seem a bit lost, so maybe they just need some more time to get acclimated or something.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The wine list is rather sagacious and adventurous, reasonably priced (but hardly a bargain). The half-bottle option is a very nice (and sapient) touch.
The cocktail list, too, is smart and appealing, but personally I opted for wine so I can’t say much about the execution (although the presentation seemed quite good). A bit steep, in the $15 and up range, but certainly not a shocker considering the venue’s pedigree.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Charming, romantic, dark.
Kind of odd, actually; seems to be suffering some sort of identity crisis. For example, what’s with the embroidered three-star service busboy getups (oh excuse me, when they’re so fancifully dudded, they’re generally referred to as back waiters) mixed with the cheap, ubiquitous (read: McNally) $0.03 slop-rag "napkins"? What’s with all the staff jackets-and-ties mixed with the rustic furniture? What’s with all the lavish foliage mixed with bargain-basement bar stools?
Please rate the BOH:
Excellent.
How was the staff?
Sigh. What is that all over the floor; are those eggshells? The staff seems so busy walking on them, they forgot to be congenial.
And there goes that identity crisis again: embroidered back-waiter jackets are usually employed at restaurants that have ample BOH space for the personnel to move comfortably (with less risk of creating unsightly food stains on those starch-crisp snow-white uniforms), so how come the staff has to be reprimanded in the FOH right in front of the customers? What, you can’t take that shit to the back someplace?
In short: is this a farmhouse or the fucking Four Seasons? Nobody seems to know.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Rock shrimp polpette : Interesting. Flavor and texture more reminiscent of Chinese dim sum than any Italian meatball I’ve ever tasted, but good.
Roasted Baby Artichoke Salad : Good. Great quality and presentation. Not exactly thrilling, but pleasant.
Veal Meatballs : Very good. That "truffle pecorino" is delicious.
Cortecce with baby octopus… : Outstanding. Sooo goood…
Casarecce with sausage and broccoli rabe… : Superb. Now leave me alone, I’m licking the plate.
What did you like?
The food was exceptional.
What did you dislike?
Umm, the aura?
What was your last impression?
Ssssshhh, be veh-wee veh-wee quiet…
Would you come back?
Hmm.
Food plus Wine minus Ambience divided by Location multiplied by Pretension to the fourth power over the square root of Stratis Morfogen…
Maybe.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, but uhh— ya coulda fooled me.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
Restaurant i @ The Charles Hotel
What was your first impression?
Uh, there were so many things at once, I don’t even know where to begin. But okay, my very very first impression was: What is this? But in a good way, I think.
Please rate the Bar:
Wellll… let’s just say I’d have done it differently. Otherwise we’d be here all day, and then I’d have to invoice it.
The bartender is amicable and proficient enough though, I suppose. But he really needs to re-think his technique or something. Look, with 15+ years of bartending under my own belt, I ‘get it,’ I’m neither naive nor anal. Sure, there was many a night I stuck my hand in the jar of olives or fingered the limes and lemons. But the very germane difference was I never did it front of the customer. Or if I did, it was too damned dark in the club (or you were too damned drunk) to see anything anyways. Plus, the DOH wasn’t as pervasive and stringent back then. This was also long before patrons even realized you could contract Hepatitis-A from a bartender (and my mama taught me to always wash my hands after a visit to the loo).
So, alls I can say is: thank your lucky stars I paid you a visit first, and get a fucking set of tongs, can you? (In the meantime, I’ll keep doing my best to strengthen my immune system and pray my personal hypothesis that strong alcohol kills cooties indeed holds true.)
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
It’s a hotel, and it shows. The drink list is typical (one look at the "calls" mentioned in the house-cocktail recipes gives a pretty good indication of the anticipated clientele), but relatively well-priced at $12 each. Decent beer list, and the wine-by-the-bottle selections are of the "safe" variety. I think you get the picture.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Not bad. Especially if you like rainbows.
Spacious and comfortable, but maybe a tad austere. Let’s just cross our fingers the kaleidoscopic color scheme works better for you than it did for Duvet, shall we?
Please rate the BOH:
Better than I expected. Particularly since the totally flavorless fried noodle "amuse" (paired with ketchup, of all things) didn’t exactly portend much promise.
How was the staff?
Overall, eh. Okay. But if you really want my honest opinion, the four owners or investors (or whatever they are) with the palpable overbearing presence— I think they’re just making everybody way too nervous or something. All the aura and fungshooey up in this muhfuh is just screaming for mercy, christ almighty.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Aforementioned Fried Noodle "Amuse" / Bar Snack : Bleah. Okay, free tip here, bitches: SHRIMP CHIPS. Come on, with all this psychedelic color in here, why not colorful shrimp chips instead? How fun. And unique. And better tasting than these shits.
Butternut Squash / Coconut Milk Soup : Mm, not great. Way too sweet, and I knooow me some yummy coconut soup, honey (Kittichai, Double Crown, Republic, in that order). Also, kinda watery.
Short Rib Steamed Bun : Good! But where’s the spicy? This is more like pickled cabbage than "typical" kimchee. So either stop being so scared and wishy-washy or I dunno, stop calling it kimchee maybe.
Seared Salmon and Tuna Salad : Very good. Great presentation. Tasty, fresh, light— delicious. Too bad the tuna being so refrigerated is kinda killing the flavor a bit (yeah yeah, the DOH, I know).
Lamb Burger with Feta and Yogurt Sauce : Outstanding. Succulent, juicy, and beautiful. But I mean, how come so determined with the burger temperature (nobody offered me an option, i.e.) but so gutless with the kimchee? It’s kinda confusing.
What did you like?
The burger was my favorite.
What did you dislike?
Uhh… the idea of people persistently pouring vast amounts of money into venues that make no fucking sense? But ya know, that’s just me.
What was your last impression?
Ha ha ahaa. Well, I really was kinda very tempted to offer the four poor antsy dudes some help on my way out, but the honest straightforward approach never works. Everybody wants to learn the hard way.
Would you come back?
Siiigh…
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you and best of luck.
Nuela may have waited two months for its official kinda wishy-washy New York Times review, but evidently that was enough time for Chef Adam Schop to greatly impress discerning patrons and astute investors (you know, the ones who aren’t afraid of the big bad scary pictures).
The owners of Nuela have already signed on the dotted line and slowly begun work on their next project. Located at the former Ottimo space just east up 24th Street from Nuela (and next door to Eataly), this latest undertaking endeavors to bring Schop’s creative and scrumptious West Coast Chopperesque touch to Argentinean steak.
Mmmm… beeeeef…
Not so fast there, Meateater. The anticipated date of launch is a "good year or so away… like, laaater." (Place your bets now on which color of the rainbow gets top billing. Kidding!)
We’re just sayin’.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Well, we got… fish… pasta… pizza… meat… and vegetables. Hmm. OK, meat it is.
Please rate the Bar:
Not bad. Spacious, sort of welcoming, relatively comfortable.
Best of all it’s seat-yourself ("Excuse me, would you mind moving over one seat so we can sit down together? Thanks."), which is great, because apparently this small army of hostesses at the desk here is of absolutely no help at all.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Cocktails are N/A. As for the wine— oh, lookee here. Plenty of Bastianich varieties to choose from! What a surprise. And… huh… kind of expennnsive….
Please rate the Dining Room:
Uh… PASS. I mean: it’s in a grocery. What exactly are you expecting, anyway?
Please rate the BOH:
Sigh. Short version? It’s eh.
Good thing they don’t have like 10,000 other Italian commercial kitchens in down/mid-town to compete with! [/sarcasm]
How was the staff?
The waitress was nice. A little harried but nice. Seems like it’s been a long day for her. Too bad it’s only 6:30PM…
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Sweetbreads : Oi. Dry. A bit chewy. Pretty bland. Uh yea, if this is a high point, we’re in trouble…
Warm Ribeye Cap Salad : Better. Tender and succulent. Perfectly cooked. But really, $18 for these two tiny slices? I mean, you’ve got to be kidding.
Salumi Plate : Is that it? Seriously? Two paper-thin slices of four varieties? For $21? OK, all joking aside, how in the hell do they justify these prices? Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but are they not cutting out a decent amount of overhead? I mean at the very least, this is not a storefront space, and the meat has to be delivered from a distance of all about what— nine feet away?
And no, sorry— the quality definitely does not account for this pricetag.
What did you like?
That it’s so close to Nuela. Hey, what can I say? I’ve heard some very good things about it. And after spending $120 on three dishes and two glasses of wine here, yes, I’m still hungry.
What did you dislike?
Aside from just about everything?
What was your last impression?
Is she serious?!
No really, this hostess was of absolutely no assistance prior. She couldn’t be bothered to address us when we found seats for ourselves. She clearly couldn’t have cared less about our dining experience. And evidently was paying so little attention to us, she didn’t see us paying our bill despite our being situated three feet in front of the podium.
But she has the audacity to chase us halfway out the grocery to inquire if we’ve paid our check.
Mmhmp, oh yeah. I’m impressed all right.
Would you come back?
No.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Not unless you’re coming across the street with me.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Well, it looks "Moroccan," all right.
Please rate the Bar:
Not bad. Welcoming. Spacious enough. Pretty comfortable. And the bartender is very nice, if not entirely adept (could use a little more time getting used to the POS system).
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Evidently, it was their "first day" with liquor— so that meant ix-nay on the arnishes-gay, as in no muddled grapes for that "St Tropez." (No olives for a martini, either.) They do however, have limes for their margarita so ha aha… olé!
Prices are reasonable at about $10 per cocktail and similarly averaged for wines by the glass. Plus the wine list is relatively diverse (if not particularly adventurous) with a pleasantly fine value in most of the selection.
Please rate the Dining Room:
It’s… okay. Hardly imaginative, but maybe that makes it more umm… authentic?
Please rate the BOH:
It’s quite good. But I admit I came in with pretty high expectations. I mean after all, I’m verrry familiar with the three-star work of Chef Rick Laakonen. You might even say I’m a fan. So I always did kinda wonder whatever happened to Rick Laakonen? It’s like he poof! vanished off the face of the earth or something.
Well! Now he’s… back?
How was the staff?
Fine. Wholly proficient in that "authentic" kind of way. Yah, let’s just say it’s much more Mediterranean and sorta much less "bistro."
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Chicken Briwatt : Very good. Delicate yet hearty— but, I am a total sucker for phyllo. Great yogurt sauce too.
Crepe with ham, chicken, some kind of cheese, etc etc : Delicious. Exotic yet approachable. Despite its somewhat overwrought appearance, the flavors are actually distinctive in their congruence— if that makes any sense.
Grilled Octopus and Manila Clams Ragout : Also very good. Perfectly tender seafood. Savory and flavorful. Rustic but intricate all at the same time.
Beet and Goat Cheese Salad : Good. The least exciting/creative dish, but still a cut above most. Two kinds of beets, two types of prep. Fresh and tasty.
Black Kale with Pancetta : Fine. Expertly prepared, but the pancetta doesn’t quite add all the saltiness that’s likely intended. Just a wee bland.
What did you like?
The food was good. Maybe not as mind-blowing as I’d hoped, but really very solid and appealing.
What did you dislike?
Well, a really great martini would have hit the spot…
What was your last impression?
Actually, I wonder if Rick Laakonen is even here tonight. Everything was perfectly satisfactory, but there’s like a "spark" missing…
Would you come back?
The burger and the lamb— I already know what I’m going to order next time.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Oh, you will.
:)
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
It’s big! And RED…
Please rate the Bar:
Fine. Commodious, welcoming, and clean despite its clutteriness. And the bartender is affable and proficient enough, if not particularly effusive.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The cocktail list is decent, all the staple Latin American favorites with a twist or two thrown in. Well priced at around $11 to $12. Good and ample collection of Spanish and Latin American wines, also fairly priced with a nice balance in the range. Surprisingly (and percipiently), even some suitable sakes offered!
Please rate the Dining Room:
Snazzy! Somebody spent some money up in here, all right.
Also: smart. All the important details are quite proper. Clearly some experienced restaurant architecture at work here (mostly in Las Vegas perhaps, but still…)
Please rate the BOH:
Ohh, man. What a team. First-rate, top-notch, super duper A-1…
How was the staff?
Satisfactory. They try hard. A little stiff and corporate in their demeanor, but maybe the Flatiron District likes that stuff (or maybe they were all flown in from Las Vegas along with the architect). Ha ha, graduates of the BR Guest School of Hospitality— you know the type. Overall, a B+.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Sea Urchin Ceviche : Holy cow. Just from this dish alone, I’m just about ready to move in.
Foie Gras Croquettas : Wow. OK, somebody remind me who the chef is again?
Chupe de Camarones : Whaaat? Where am I…?! OK, I’m sold! Stop it, I feel woozy…
Octopus and Pork Belly Anticuchos : Eh, OK. Maybe not as mind-blowing as the others, but for something so simple, it’s very well done. Flavorful despite its starkness.
Oxtail Empanadas : Outstanding. Succulent and tender and expertly executed.
Suckling Pig Bocadillo : Very good. Love the artful play on such an approachable dish.
Hamachi Ceviche : Superb. Fresh, delicious, and generous. A really great value for the $15 price tag. Normally, I’d say I’m more of a ceviche purist, so the "sour orange basil" in the description initially struck me as somewhat pretentious and just a tad silly. Well, I was wrong. [These stunts are performed by professionals. Do not try this at home.]
Bacalhau Buñuelos : Dude, I don’t even like bacalhau that much generally, but this is really delicious and perfect. The texture is fantastic.
Corn Gratin : Hee hee. I mean, this is just a side dish. I don’t even know what more to say, all I wanna do is giggle in contentment.
What did you like?
Just about everything.
What did you dislike?
Well, OK, can’t say I’m such a fan of all the RED, but don’t mind me. I’ll deal.
What was your last impression?
Even the bathrooms are great.
Would you come back?
Oh, hells yeah.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was a pleasure. Really.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
This is different… cute.
Please rate the Bar:
Nice, clean, welcoming, comfortable. And pretty. Yup, there definitely aren’t very many bars in NYC that are this pretty… feminine, almost. It’s sweet.
The bartender is a real peach. A decidedly Russian peach— but amiable, friendly, knowledgeable and enthusiastic. In Soviet Russia, peach taste you. (Sorry, just couldn’t resist.)
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Good. Ample offerings here, especially in the "fresh juice" and, of course, vodka. Apparently, their specialty is infused vodkas— numerous (and some unusual) flavors like pomegranate, beet, cherry and seaberry. Tasty! Well-priced at $9 each ("fresh juice" is $12).
Good wine list, eclectic— but definitely skewed more toward the higher end. Fine beer selections and some house recipe cocktails as well.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Odd, but endearing. Like a doll’s house. Somewhat bright, due to the glare through the kitchen doors, but again, pretty. Probably not the most efficient use of space, but in Soviet Russia, space use… Oh, never mind.
Please rate the BOH:
The menu looks good, but not enough to entice me into a full dinner… yet. But, there’s a distinct possibility I’ll be back. The homestyle selections are appealing, plenty of Russian classics here, plus some good ole basics to satisfy even the most anti-Soviet appetite. Intriguing enough to add to my list…
How was the staff?
Fine. Authentic, but friendly.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Osetra, baby— with blinis. Hey, when in Moscow…
And yeah, it was good.
What did you like?
That seaberry vodka’s not bad. And the bathrooms are adorable.
What did you dislike?
Nothing really.
What was your last impression?
There sure are a lot of Russians in here.
Would you come back?
Yes, I think so.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was a pleasure.
= "personne extraordinaire"