PX This.

PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW

Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of lucks[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !

Abe & Arthur’s

What was your first impression?
wow, this was Lotus? holy cow it sure looks like they spent a lot of money in here tearing everything down and rebuilding it. geezus

Please rate the Bar:
the bartenders were a bit inattentive and maybe just a tad surly, until GM adam-landsman came by to greet (and introduce) us and then they were perfectly friendly.
cleanliness was good and love the "full dinner" service. boisterous but comfortable, spacious, good scene.
personally, getting a little tired of the played out buttoned downed brasserie boys’ club bar look/trend, but i guess i can get over it.
also: backless bar stools make me nutso, but hey maybe that’s just me.

Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
wasn’t that crazy about the selections of wine by the glass but was grateful for the offer of a taste of our two (white) choices, especially since it seemed to me one of the bottles had "turned" (or maybe it was just really crappy wine, i’m not sure).
sorry, didn’t try any cocktails, but the list looked okay. i mean, personally i would never put triple sec in a margarita (especially a "specialty" one) but who knows? maybe some people actually like the taste of st.josephs aspirin the fuck i know.
the wine by the bottle list is pretty good, but just a tad late 80′s in its philosophy if you hear what i’m sayin.

Please rate the Dining Room:
it’s nice! high ceiling, good lighting, the tables all make sense.
the music, however, is a bit odd in both selection and volume and is sorta messing with the "energy." which is kinda weird for a couple of "club guys" (in a space that used to be a club and should be auditorially well-equipped), no? i would think the music would be the one thing they’d get right with their eyes closed and hands tied behind their backs? (oh but then again i have noticed the music sucks in most clubs lately which is why i’ve pretty much stopped going to any of them so maybe that’s what it is.)

Please rate the BOH:
impressive! in my entire dining lifetime, i have only sent dishes back to the kitchen three times EVER, even if i totally despise them. unfortunately in this case, the sliders were a wee raw inside, so i had no choice. the waiter was very sweetly apologetic and did not at all hesitate about removing the plate, which decidedly implies the BOH has never intimidated him with unwarranted censure and/or self serving psychotic irrational policies.
the waiter was sooo nice about it, as a matter of fact, it gave us the confidence to also return the meatballs which were simply not our tastes (umm is that ketchup in the sauce? it’s oddly sweet), and still his professionally courteous demeanor did not wane. and the new replacement dishes arrived rather quickly and beautifully.
oh— was Chef checking our names with the front desk just as i caught him scanning our table (right after we returned our dishes)? ha ahaaha what a smart cookie. i hope our level of PXness lived up to the scrutiny and he wasn’t sorely disappointed :(

How was the staff?
overall, pretty great. i already mentioned the waiter and bartenders, but the front desk was probably most impressive of all. i mean, i’m assuming there’s an army of hostesses up front because some are still in training mode, but the maitre d’ (head hostess?) was AOK. the front desk is usually where i’m the least tolerant and/or most critical, and i would say she did everything absolutely right.
the runners and bussers were good and professional, and the floor manager (i only remember seeing one?) seemed quite attentive.

What did you eat?/ How was the food?
crab cake: very good. but uhh is that red sauce "red hot" hot sauce? i mean ya know— personally i like tabasco. just sayin.
bibb lettuce salad: very nice.
meatballs: yah. that sauce. hmm. mm eh.
sliders: good. but yah i can see how the temperature can be problematic with those teeny tiny patties. 30 seconds too soon, raw. 30 seconds too much, well-done. what a pain in the ass. oh but
why make such a production with the recipe for the sauce? after all that descriptive hullabaloo, it kinda just tasted bland actually.
strip steak: loved the horseradish sauce. nice job on the temperature (medium rare) but juuust a little tougher than i’d like. i’d gladly pay more for a ribeye (or like a porterhouse) if it were offered to me. just sayin.
mussels: plump, juicy, tender! love the spiciness and flavor of the broth, but that layer of oil floating up top is just a bit over the top. neat hotpot, smart design.
creamed spinach: wow. delicious. soooo rich, but i guess peoples shouldn’t be ordering creamed spinach if they’re worried about cream or butter or fat anyways.
chocolate cake: a tad dry and a little hard (despite the lava-ish center), making its brick-like shape too easy a joke. brick, get it? but the ice cream was good.

What did you like?
the room. the table we got. the front desk. the creamed spinach. the waiter. the bathrooms.

What did you dislike?
the (by the glass) wine options. the sauce on the meatballs.

What was your last impression?
this place must be crazy on the weekends. ooh look, harvey-keitel!

Would you come back?
not on a weekend but otherwise, i think so. it’s great for entertaining or a special event, but probably not so much as a local "hang" for me.

Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
no no no thank YOU :)

• Tuesday, October 20, 10:00PM – Brian Grazer having his "first visit" and "lov[ing] it" to The Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom, sitting at the bar with two friends (/business associates?) in a dark gray business suit with no necktie. Moved to a quieter banquette table (with a view) as the bar area quickly filled up.

• Tuesday, October 20, 9:00PM – Harvey Keitel dining at Abe & Arthur’s with a woman at a corner table on the main level. Wearing a dark suit and lightly tinted eyewear with heavy black frames.

• Friday, October 16, 9:30PM – Salman Rushdie at Indochine, having drinks in the lounge with four women, and later adjoining to the dining room for dinner at a circular banquette. He sat firmly planted directly in the center of the ladies (and attention) both times.

• Thursday, October 15, 11:00PM – Mischa Barton in for her "usual" visit to La Esquina. It’s possible she "has a little crush on a bartender" there?

SPOTTED:

- Matt Damon filming an upcoming movie on West 4th Street, wearing a pinstripe suit. Trailers, film crew and general chaos everywhere. Looking pretty good. Maybe not Jason Bourne good, but definitely not bad, either.

- Philip Seymour Hoffman having late lunch with a gentleman friend at Sant Ambroeus, watching Matt Damon filming an upcoming movie right up the street.

- Owen Wilson at the Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom (we hate the name QT). Apparently alone, but seemingly enjoying the spectacle and festivities. All smiles jubilantly all night long. Sticking out of the resplendence like a sore thumb busted nose in his battered fedora and tee-shirt.

- Charlie Walk at Abe & Arthur. Party of two hundred and twelve. Table hopping and happy as a clam. Go, Charlie.

- Wesley Wang at Abe & Arthur. Party of three hundred and fourteen. Super hot babes in tow. Go, Wes.

- Timothy and Helen Lee Schifter at the Room Formerly Known as Boom Boom. Homegirl looks pretty good, actually. Great dress. Sweet shoes.

The Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, Gansevoort 69

• The Standard Grill •

Much has improved over the weeks at "the standard," but probably not your chances of getting a dinner table during prime time (especially now that an autumnal chill is descending upon us, and the outdoor cafe/patio is no longer an agreeable availability). However, breakfast, lunch and brunch are now being offered as a gratifying alternative to your usual jaunt to Pastis.
Steak is your best bet, with the roast chicken at a close second. "Ranch burger" is a little dry (even at medium rare), but the fries are excellent (and "a Keith McNally favorite.")
A side of sugar snap peas surprisingly gets the win over appealingly offered but much too salty brussel sprouts. Potato and corn pancakes seem like a good idea but end up falling short.

Stop being such a self-important, pretentious snob and just take those seats at the open kitchen being offered to you. You’ll enjoy the show and have the advantage of being perched above all others for the greatest vantage point of the room. So what if you have to swivel sideways every now and again and occasionally have to shout over the clattering din (and the chef/expeditor).

Who do you think you are, anyway? Russell Crowe?

• Abe & Arthur’s •

Don’t believe the hype; the room is nice and all, but the square footage doesn’t quite live up to these fish-eyed lenses colored pencils. It’s a fair enough rendition, however— much in the same way "the general" isn’t exactly seven inches. And make no mistake; you’ll find no vestiges of the exotic/romantic Lotus here— this baby is "billionaire boy’s club" all day every day.
No wonder the menu is trite and uninspired and doesn’t apologize for it, either. But hey, the french fries are pretty good.

Judging from the caliber of the inaugural clientele, the food isn’t the point anyway, Miss Scarlet. So grab a party bus full of the good ole boys and head on down here with a smattering of strippers gorgeous gal pals to gnaw on some bloody meat. Save some room on that Centurion Card for a bottle or ten at basement nightclub Simyone after dinner. Tell them Lyor Cohen sent you.

• Gansevoort 69 •

Oh, hallowed Florent, where art thou?

Don’t get too nostalgic though; this is a pretty good effort with a decent denouement. Sure, you have more little piggies on your left foot than they have entrees on the menu, but what do you care what you’re eating? You’re in the Meatpacking District for fuck’s sake.

Go with the Fish & Chips; they’re actually pretty good. The french fries are awesome and the deep fried caper berries are a great unexpected touch. The bacon-wrapped meatloaf, on the other hand, is over the top enough to leave you looking for your Lipitor. The payoff doesn’t quite measure up to the risk.

The bartender is an affable chap, as are those two teeeeeny tiny itsy bitsy matching blonde bookend waitresses. Trust me, though— skip the wine list options and go straight for the hard stuff.

A Financier, an Operator, and a Blogger walk into a bar…

… order some drinks, get a little tipsy, and start — what else?—- gossiping like a bunch of sewing bee bitches. Here’s the transcript of the part of their discussion about Abe&Arthur/Simyone.

Blogger: Oh! ….And Abe&Arthur will be opening soon I guess.

Operator: Is that that new little place on Waverly?

B: No, that’s Joseph Leonard. Abe&Arthur is the place that used to be Lotus… the restaurant part is Abe&Arthur apparently, and then downstairs will be a club slash lounge type thing called Simyone… ya know, like Bijoux with the party brunch and whatever the upstairs was called.

O: Yah exactly, we don’t even remember the name… Who the hell wants to eat in a nightclub? That didn’t even work for Lotus and the food wasn’t even that bad.

B: People used to eat at Spy.

O: Get outta here, Spy had food? I don’t remember any food.

B: Sure… lobster club, fruit and cheese plate, caviar…

O: Ugh christ.

Financier: People might eat in the restaurant just to go to the nightclub afterward… that’s convenient.

O: Pssh, not if it’s like Lotus. Lotus didn’t guarantee entry to the club afterward just because you had a dinner reservation. That would be a good way for them to go though, because otherwise why would anyone eat there? Too many other good restaurants in that area, so why settle for one place for hours on end? That’s what people like about the meatpacking district… all the bar-hopping…

B: But doesn’t that kill the "exclusivity" thing? Otherwise it’s what— BuddhaBar with dancing?

O: Oh c’mon, in a place that size, how are they ever going to make any money trying to be "exclusive"? They can get the Tenjune crowd, but then what, kill Tenjune? There’s no way they can keep a "hot" crowd in both. But maybe that’s the plan anyway. Now that they milked Tenjune for what it was worth…

B: They can offer it up to the B&T gods? That makes sense.

O: The moneymaker. Does Tenjune charge a cover? They can probably start…. and from what I heard that’s what they probably should do if they going to try to keep the new one exclusive. I heard those guys are in deep with their own personal cash. And they might be cash poor. I know someone who was interviewing for a position… they just lowballed him all day long… it’s like The Inn [at Little West 12th] all over again… We all know how that turned out….

B: I did hear something like that. The way it was told to me is that supposedly they invested a lot of their own money right before the market crash… like "putting a deposit on a pre-construction condo… now that the banks aren’t lending, people either have to come up with the rest of the money some other way, or walk away and take the loss of the deposit… supposedly, this is the boat that those guys are in— they just can’t walk away from the cash already in, so they have no choice but to forge ahead."

F: Banks were never lending to nightclubs, anyway. I’ve never seen a good business plan from one, and that’s all I do all day is look at these things. All that money was coming from guys that may have been in banking but were fronting their own money… I even thought of doing it once…

B: I remember. But you wanted to own the property… I could be wrong, but most of these places are leased, aren’t they?

O: They’re all leased.

F: I know guys that have put their money in clubs. No one ever saw a dime back, but that wasn’t the point anyway.

B: Haa, oh god, I always thought that was a myth.

F: If these guys are dropping a couple grand a weekend anyway, what do you think 50 G’s means to them? It’s all the hype of "ownership" and drinks and the girls…

O: Yeah, you get 10 or 20 of those suckers… no offense…

B: Yeah, but then what about all the celebrities? It’s not like they have problems with drinks and girls…

F: Those are just names. Like, their name is worth money…

B: The place looks nice though… there were renderings all over the internet…

O: Ugh, why do people release their renderings? The actual place never matches the renderings. The renderings are sales pitches by the architects, and the budgets never meet the demands… Then they just look like they’re fronting…

B: Maybe they’re fronting then. Isn’t that the point? If they want to build hype and anticipation…?

B: Oh, what’s the deal with Remm and Tepperberg anyway? I heard they straight up kicked him out of Tao in Vegas halfway through his meal….

O: Remm was never one for making friends…

B: If he didn’t think you’re worth it to him…?

O: … But he shouldn’t be trying to make enemies either…

B: No, he’s got the right idea. I thought I heard he was going around saying he needed a starlet girlfriend, to make himself "next level." Oh! Wait, he did date Shannen Doherty, right?

O: He wants to be Richie Akiva more than anyone else in the world… but the food even sucked at Butter.

B: They do kind of look alike, don’t you think?

O: Shannen Doherty is no Carmen Kass…

B: You know I saw Eugene Remm dive under a banquette to rescue his [former] boss’s lipstick once. There were all these other bartenders and managers around, but Eugene Remm was the only chivalrous one….

O: He was the only one who could fit under the banquette without stooping over?

B: Aww… that’s mean…

F: No good deed goes unpunished…