This just in via Facebook® from Salman Rushdie: "Facebook deactivated my account because they thought I wasn’t me. Now they insist I call myself by the first name I have never used. What a bunch of morons…
As I don’t and will never recognize myself as ‘Ahmed Rushdie’ I will be reducing FB activities to just about zero and cutting back my list of friends to actual friends or at least acquaintances, just to keep in touch. I’m done." – Ahmed Rushdie née Salman Rushdie
Now, part of me is really pretty scared that Salman Rushdie will un-friend me for publicizing his sorta private Facebook® status update (even though obviously, I’ve done it before), but the other part of me can’t help but think this whole thing is seriously ridiculous— but I think if I had asked him first, he likely wouldn’t have allowed me to make a fuss about it or anything. It’s kinda like that time awhile back I saw the cocktail waitress at Marquee shoo Maxwell and his friends away from a table in an entirely empty room, because he didn’t want to buy a whole bottle. Maxwell decided to leave rather than assert himself, he said he didn’t “want to read about it” on like Page Six or whatever the next day.
But I mean, rilly? Salman effin Rushdie can’t just call Mark Zuckerberg to straighten this mess out, but Julia fucking Allison can use her connection to his sister to be the only person ever allowed to convert her friends to "fans" without their knowledge/permission?
(Sigh, this is just another reason why Facebook® kinda sucks, even though I do actually like it for a bunch of other reasons.)
And, it isn’t exactly a secret that Salman Rushdie is diggin on the Twitter® now. Not so long ago he asked his Facebook® friends to join him on Twitter® should they be so inclined, and then a bit afterward remarked how not many at all had done so. Myself included; sorry, I just don’t twit, it’s not my thing.
Now Salman Rushdie is threatening to leave Facebook® altogether. Whaaat? No more poems, no more limericks, no more jokes, no more updates about his new projects and awesome travels and lovely family and whanot? NOOOOoooooo!
Oh dear Zuck, if you can hear me— please don’t screw up whatever reverence your minions have mustered for you, mostly due to a probably fictitious but totally awesome couple lines in The Social Network.
Please please pleeease fix this. And then all will be right with the universe, please lord, thank you, amen.
(Also, I don’t want to have to contend with this when I’m finally famous. I aint calling myself "Mary" for nobody, fuck that.)
UPDATE (2 hours later): Oh. Well, that was quick. Evidently it’s fixed, and Salman Rushdie is “Salman Rushdie” again. Apparently he didn’t mind asserting himself after all; he started talking smack about Facebook® on Twitter®, eheee.
Well, he’s happy so that’s good.
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