PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Swanky, it’s kinda pretty actually. Maybe even the nicest of "the lot" (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, The Dutch, Vintry Wine & Whiskey, Rabbit in the Moon, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)
Please rate the Bar:
It’s very nice— except for the lack of seats. Sorry, never been of fan of standing-room-only imbibing. It’s a possibility that this is temporary, maybe the joint is just new and stools are coming eventually (it happens sometimes). But I wouldn’t hold my breath for them though, cuz it looks like once they arrive there won’t be much room behind the stools for any kind of traffic whatsoever— the walkway from the entrance to the dining room, past the bar, is reeeally narrow— so it’s probably safe to assume the stools won’t arrive until after the primary heyday period. And by then… well, you likely will have moved on the the next deLucie hotspot, yes?
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The cocktails are great, intriguing and creative. Fresh ingredients, quality liquors, expert mixology, beautiful glassware… oh, but you pay for what you get, all right.
The wine list too is discerning and good, and a bit more reasonable than you might expect. Uhh, maybe (See below*).
Please rate the Dining Room:
Also pretty, but ya know— kinda typical. (See: The Waverly Inn, Monkey Bar, Minetta Tavern, Standard Grill, Abe & Arthur’s, East Side Social Club, Rabbit in the Moon, Casa Lever, Le Caprice, Lambs Club, Hurricane Club…)
Please rate the BOH:
Ha ha ahaa oh please. Like you give a shit.
How was the staff?
They’re fine, perfectly proficient if not exactly amiable (except for Joe, but I already knew him from elsewhere— but I was impressed he remembered me).
Hee eheee, the front desk is just a wee humorless; I’d asked if we could leave our names so he could "check with John deLucie to see if we’re worthy of being included in the database," and he was all "aww, come on…" as if I were being ludicrous or something.
Well, it turned out we already were in the database after all, but then we only scored a 6:30 on a Wednesday, so we must not have been marked "PX." I mean, if it were me running that OpenTable for example, I’d have changed us to PX just for our blatant display of sagacity and awesome comedic wit. Also, I probably wouldn’t be harping on about it so much right now, except for "Ferret"s ex-wife apparently getting an 8:30, which must mean she somehow qualifies as a PX whereas we don’t. And to me that’s just fucking hilarious.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Oh gimme a break. No, seriously? Like you care : And if you do care, you should probably keep it to yourself. Otherwise then you’ll maybe sound as goofy as the couple seated next to us (yea, clearly also not PX, what with their 6:15 and all) tittering to each other like they never had dinner in New York City before— and then ingratiating themselves to John deLucie with their business card right after their meal. I mean, anybody who would dine that elatedly at 6PM then ask the chef a question like "Do you know Dr. So and So?!" has gotta live in like Long Island or something, sorry. Or maybe that’s just a UES thing, honestly I don’t know.
But fine, we had the tuna nicoise, the salmon tartare, the seafod salad, the ravioli, and the pork something-or-other (? that tasted like ham)— just to give you an idea of the menu. But I swear if you force me to elaborate, I think I might just totally burn down this website, my book, the manuscript for my next book, all the scripts for the rest of the whole shebang, and the fucking Facebook® fan page. Because then I will have QUIT, bitches.
(P.S. No biscuits, though.)
What did you like?
Now I get to say "been there, done that." Godd, I’m cool.
What did you dislike?
That I’m a big enough tool that I neeeed to say, "Been there, done that. Godd, I’m cool."
What was your last impression?
What in the world is with the haunted POS system? Is that Micros? Is it used or refurbished or made in China or something?
Just a word of advice: make sure you take a good look at your check at the end of the night. Cuz *the wine bottles just miiight be priced $20 higher than the wine list dictates, and although the appetizers don’t actually appear invoiced on the bill, somehow their costs are added to the total sum anyways. So ya know, you might then have to spend sorta an inordinate amount of time calculating in your head the possibility of any further discrepancies.
What— I’m not cheap nor anal; it’s the principle, mutherfukkers.
Would you come back?
It’s not exactly my neighborhood…
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
To quote former New York Times critic Frank Bruni: "xoxo"!
* * * * *
Have you heard?
Until the release of PX Me (Spring 2012), this website will henceforth be updated only intermittently (approximately once or twice a week).
Abbe Diaz’s new (daily) blog is now at: abbediaz.com
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Cute! Simple and cozy. Aww, and look, it’s Enzo (which is pretty much the only reason we busted out the passport for this haul up to the UES). Sigh, Sant Ambroeus just isn’t the same without him.
Please rate the Bar:
Nice. Spacious and welcoming. We’d have given it a whirl, but Enzo’s just too efficient…
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
We opted for wine— oh wait, oops! Is there even an ABC license here? Judging by the name of the place, I’d have guessed no, buuut looking at the photos again, it looks like there is some hard booze up in this joint after all. What? Sorry!
Whatever, the wine is good. We had a Pinot Nero that Enzo recommended. Maybe you should too.
Please rate the Dining Room:
It’s remarkably comfortable considering the spare layout. The deuce booths are kinda nice.
Please rate the BOH:
Very good. I know you won’t believe me cuz you’ll think I’m just being nice cuz I’m an F.O.E. (Friend of Enzo), but seriously— it was very good. Better than Sant Ambroeus. Really truly. No exaggeration, it was actually very reminiscent of the last really great Italian meal I had, and I swear I’m not just saying that just to be agreeable. (Come on, with all my acquaintances in the biz, have I ever resorted to hyperbole? No, never.)
How was the staff?
Well, there are a couple familiar faces up in here, all right. What can I say? I thought they were great. But I know, I know, easy for me to say, rolling PX all night long through this muhfuh.
How’s this— I’m more than willing to bet they don’t suck in general.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Fritto misto : Very good. Dude, paper-thin vegetable slices that are then lightly battered and quickly deep-fried, along with fresh, tender, and crisp calamari? Exceptional.
Porchetta : Uhh, no seriously. Somebody is having a ball with the super duper professional meat slicer they must have stashed away in the basement prep area somewhere. You can practically see through this meat. Pretty perfect.
Tagliata and arugula salad : Excellent. Perfectly cooked and succulent steak. Great simple traditional arugula and grape tomato presentation. So good, you can’t believe it’s carb-free.
Papardelle with salsiccia: Saved the best description for last. Uh muh gah, sooo delicious. Again— paper-thin papardelle! Okay, call me crazy, but they can’t possibly be sliding the homemade pasta through that hi-fi slicer gadget too, can they?! No really, how the heck do you make a papardelle this thin and light? Is that a stupid question, I don’t know, I’m not a chef. But, I do know I have never ever ever loved a papardelle this much (I’m a capellini girl, what can I tell ya). The sausage too, is perfectly executed, hearty and rich, but not greasy in any way. And that aroma is mouth-watering. Fine, maybe it’s touch of truffle oil, so shoot them. Plus a bit of mushroom and garlic and, aye…! [Lift hand, turn palm upward, wave in circular motion.] Yup, that about says it all.
Would I travel all the way to the UES for this? I am solemnly starting to consider it.
What did you like?
The food was really very good.
What did you dislike?
The UES? Rilly?
What was your last impression?
Honestly? That goodfella looking dude in that banquette yonder is totally sweating me. Hey, you asked.
Would you come back?
Maybe next week? (DeLucie’s Crown is next, and that’s just a couple blocks over.)
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was a pleasure.
* * * * *
Have you heard?
Until the release of PX Me (Spring 2012), this website will henceforth be updated only intermittently (approximately once or twice a week).
Abbe Diaz’s new (daily) blog is now at: abbediaz.com
I almost don’t know what to say about this film— one of the most touching, heartwarming, poignant, and inspirational movies I have ever seen in my life— without sounding hackneyed and/or like the Hollywood trailer for Seabiscuit or something. But somehow, this week in New York City in particular, in which we reminisced about our nation’s greatest tragedy while we simultaneously celebrated the most superficial, self-serving, narcissistic, artificial, cloying and annoying annual event ever fabricated by a pernicious, officious, ostentatious, egomaniacal goblin of a woman, this film to me was like a much-needed shining beacon of virtue.
Do yourself a favor and watch Waste Land. And then do the whole world a favor and make your friends, co-workers, neighbors, family, siblings, loved ones, children and grandchildren, and their friends, co-workers, neighbors, family, siblings, children and grandchildren watch it too.
And hopefully we’ll all learn something pretty great.
"… Rest peacefully, my Brother, I just came back from a 3 yr long assignment in Iraq, and I dare to say that Justice has been served. Farewell, my Friend, Farewell…" – Damir [Palladium, Tunnel, Club USA]
The following is an excerpt from PX This:
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 17, 2001. 12:15PM
We got terrible news. A friend that B used to work with, “Big Keith,” is missing.
Such a nice guy, big and friendly and cute and good natured and happy. He’s a firefighter and I think nearly his entire squad is gone.
The last time I saw Big Keith was at Sugar in December, and I remember I asked him if he was still thinking about joining the fire department and he replied “I’m IN the fire department!”— so we chatted like wow how fast time flies, the last time I had seen him he was just talking about thinking about joining.
And he bought me a cup of coffee another night too and I felt weird, I wasn’t sure which was more insulting— to offer him money for it or not. I didn’t know the protocol, back at the Gatien’s nobody offered money, they just went and got it the next time.
Big Keith was in the movie The Professional and he was great in it really, even though it was a small role. He played Benny (one of the corrupt cops) and he has one awesome scene where he is standing in the hallway with his gun drawn, nervous and shaking and sweating.
Actually he is so remarkable I mentioned him in “The Ministry of Speed” too, and I guess it’s silly but I liked to imagine my film would actually get made one day and Keith could play one of the doormen and it would actually be the real him they were referring to in the dialogue. Something like that.
I remember one time Keith and I were chatting outside Naked Lunch and I was recounting to him how I’d taped The Professional on the VCR and then I realized “oh whoops you probably don’t want to hear that do you?” thinking it was bad I had videotaped it instead of paying to see it in a theatre. And eeheee he was cute he insisted “No! HBO is good, I’ll take HBO!”
And B says his wife is in denial like she just expects him to come walking in the door any second and my God who can blame her? Because he was just so big and able and strong it seemed like nothing could ever take him down.
Oh my God knock on wood but if something like that were to happen to B, I would be the exact same way, I would have to see it with my own two eyes.
It’s just not the way things are supposed to be.
B was really upset when he told me.
I remember all the funny stories he used to tell about working the door at Naked Lunch, how Keith would just make him laugh and laugh all night long.
Even though B hated doorkeeping so much I know he looks back fondly and proudly because of all the good guys he knows because of it.
And even though I don’t really want to share this with those people, I feel like I want to say something to the Project Greenlighters, all those movie lovers, like they should go out and buy The Professional and tell all their friends, I just want everyone to know when they watch that movie they should look out for him and they can see how great he was and be proud for him he is such a hero.
But I am afraid it will just come out stupid or corny or something.
Selene – Chesler 2004 – Cabernet Franc, Merlot and Cabernet Sauvignon – Napa Valley, California
Cost: $60/Bottle
Interesting; I would have pegged it as an Italian wine if I hadn’t known it was made from the fruit of Napa Valley. It has an aromatic profile with raisin, ripe prunes, mild black cherries, subtle fresh tobacco leaf and tea notes— but in the mouth, it’s bold and strong on density, overpowered with fruit and teeth-coating tannins. A whale that doesn’t smack its tail on your taste buds but sits their on your mid-palate letting its weight say it all. Give this wine more time to age— at least another 3 to 4 years. It should evolve nicely, and hopefully with more complexity on both the nose and palate. There’s good substance in this wine that only very few wines on the market can hope to sustain.
Rating: 92
= "personne extraordinaire"