Ha ha ha, OK— you know by now I like my films "highbrow." (And you love it.) But this one I just couldn’t resist.
Maybe you don’t agree (although what you could possibly have against Steve Carrell and Tina Fey, I’ll never know), but even you have to admit we all need a little laugh every once in awhile. Lighten up, Scorsese.
Even if you’re a stalwart pedantic curmudgeon, watch this film simply for the most accurate portrayal of NYC’s FOH fabulous fine-dining scene ever captured on celluloid to date.
"We’re verrry busy… mhmmm I’ve forgotten you already." It’ll give you chills, I tell you. Who were the consultants/inspiration for that scene, Emil Varda and Kamil Parchomienko?
See if you don’t start playing "What’s the Story…" in the side station. You know you will.
Enjoy!
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Swanky.
Oh no wait, sorry— actually my very first impression was how impressed I was that the hostess on the main level (at the bottom of the stairs) was smart enough to handle multi-tasking the answering of the ringing telephone with us arriving through the door at the very same moment. You would be amazed (or maybe not) how often most homegirls screw that shit up; it drives me nuts. (She’s pretty too.)
Please rate the Bar:
Well, the upstairs bar is more like just a "service" bar, or a "waiting-for-the-rest-of-our-guests-to-arrive-so-we-can-sit-down-at-our-table" bar (standing room only). I get the distinct impression they would rather you attempt your heavy imbibing downstairs.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Opted for wine— and huh; the list looks kinda expennnnsive. Sigh, welcome to the Meatpacking District… Tourist.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Beautiful. Very well done. Elegant, accommodating, and smart. Really. (It’s Cyril Durand-Behar, if anybody happens to be curious.)
Please rate the BOH:
Oh, get serious.
If you go quickly enough, you just might get Fabio Trabocchi himself. (I did. How much do you wanna bet he sticks around at least until Sifton rolls through?) You can catch him one last time before he’s off back to Washington.
:(
How was the staff?
Very good. Super attentive, gracious, and conscientious.
I even told the captain the wine list is very "expensive" and he suggested a lower-priced bottle "of good value" without so much as batting an eyelash. Imagine that.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Tuna tartare : Excellent. Fresh, clean, simple. But how come no one at the table knows "the English name" of this one particular somewhat-striking herb? Pssh, some food-professionals we are.
Melanzane parmigiana : Nice. Granted, the portion size makes you want to raise an eyebrow at the $16 price tag, but then you recall how so few restaurants somehow can’t manage to turn out a decent eggplant parmesan— and so you taste this one again as you’re snuggling into the comfy sofa cushions (cradling your glass of "good value" wine) and suddenly it’s totally worth it.
Tortellini with black truffle : Oh, my… And this is where you think of all the other pasta chefs around town, and you want to slap most of them across their faces for some of the crap they dare to dump on a plate.
Veal chop : Wow, perfect. And this is where you think of a certain verrry popular eatery (which shall remain nameless) and the $50+ per person chunk of tough cartilagey garbage they served you last week, and you want to go immediately and suicide bomb yourself in their dining room.
Cotechino with lentils : Oh, eh. Hmm, is this an old traditional Pacri recipe or something? Cuz I noticed awhile back it’s on the Gazzetta menu downstairs too. Just a tad too salty. And sorta oddly conceived, considering the rest of it.
What did you like?
That pasta was amazing— so light and delicate. To think of the way it must have been meticulously hand-rolled…
What did you dislike?
The wine list is pretty pretentious, come on now. I knooow, everybody wants to be The Waverly/Lion but gimme a fucking break already.
What was your last impression?
Holy cow, 8PM on the nose— and this room filled up fast.
Would you come back?
Yes. But I have absolutely no qualms admitting I have a bit of a crush on Chef Trabocchi. Nice haircut, dude!
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you, it was really lovely.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
Lyon Bouchon Moderne (the Bar)
What was your first impression?
Very first impression: wow, that’s some marquee. [This isn't a "landmark"? Huh.]
Second impression: Cute.
Please rate the Bar:
Nice. Welcoming, charming, clean. Friendly bartender.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Good. Simple but sapient and very reasonably priced.
Oh but, oops— vodka on the rocks served in a highball? Is that intentional or does that nice friendly bartender need a few more lessons? (Hmm, no inquiry as to a garnish either…)
Please rate the Dining Room:
Pleasant. Uncomplicated but astute. A fine usage of the odd square footage.
Please rate the BOH:
Very good, better than I expected. Basic but hardly ordinary. Excellent unfussy execution of classic straightforward food.
How was the staff?
Gracious and cordial, and (aside from the vodka/rocks debacle?) perfectly proficient.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Onion Soup : Very good. "Marrow jam," was it? Delicious.
Truffle hot dogs on pretzel buns : Oh boy. Just plaque my name on this seat right now…
Smoked gouda croquettes : Bring a blanket and some pillows too…
Croque Monsieur : Somebody fetch my toothbrush, I’m moving in.
What did you like?
Pretty much everything…
What did you dislike?
… Except this lamp is shining right on my head; it’s kind of glaring.
What was your last impression?
Hot dogs! And good vodka. I mean, what more does one need? (But maybe next time I should try a full dinner…)
Would you come back?
Hells yeah.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
You won’t have to look far…
The Blabber in the Trenches
If the recent flurry of new restaurant openings (at a dizzying pace of approximately a half-dozen per week) hasn’t satiated your dining-out ennui yet— rest assured, there are a lot mooore coming. Longtime operatives from all over the industry continue to vie for spaces, investors, and the all-important SLA OP license. With impressive pedigrees from such popular venues as: The Box, Rose Bar, La Esquina, Balthazar, Mercer Kitchen, and 66, these seasoned veterans of the F&B industry are sure to keep you wooing reservationists (or mooing in "cattle-calls") through 2011 at the very minimum.
We’d love to give you all the details, but as usual, we promised to keep it "off the record."
Oh but wait! Here’s one bible we didn’t swear on:
Unconfirmed reports have surfaced that historically perilous chef Jody Williams is on track to open another venue on her old stomping grounds, this time at the diminutive former Pink Tea Cup space at 42 Grove St, possibly partnered with rumored companion Rita Sodi (of neighboring West Village eatery, I Sodi).
That is all.
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Uhh… huh.
Well, it sure is a whole lot darker than its photograph would suggest.
Please rate the Bar:
It’s small, a bit cramped and cluttered, but remarkably sedate. Like, if you could imagine a bar ever being built in a library, this would be it.
The bartenders seem a bit lost, so maybe they just need some more time to get acclimated or something.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
The wine list is rather sagacious and adventurous, reasonably priced (but hardly a bargain). The half-bottle option is a very nice (and sapient) touch.
The cocktail list, too, is smart and appealing, but personally I opted for wine so I can’t say much about the execution (although the presentation seemed quite good). A bit steep, in the $15 and up range, but certainly not a shocker considering the venue’s pedigree.
Please rate the Dining Room:
Charming, romantic, dark.
Kind of odd, actually; seems to be suffering some sort of identity crisis. For example, what’s with the embroidered three-star service busboy getups (oh excuse me, when they’re so fancifully dudded, they’re generally referred to as back waiters) mixed with the cheap, ubiquitous (read: McNally) $0.03 slop-rag "napkins"? What’s with all the staff jackets-and-ties mixed with the rustic furniture? What’s with all the lavish foliage mixed with bargain-basement bar stools?
Please rate the BOH:
Excellent.
How was the staff?
Sigh. What is that all over the floor; are those eggshells? The staff seems so busy walking on them, they forgot to be congenial.
And there goes that identity crisis again: embroidered back-waiter jackets are usually employed at restaurants that have ample BOH space for the personnel to move comfortably (with less risk of creating unsightly food stains on those starch-crisp snow-white uniforms), so how come the staff has to be reprimanded in the FOH right in front of the customers? What, you can’t take that shit to the back someplace?
In short: is this a farmhouse or the fucking Four Seasons? Nobody seems to know.
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Rock shrimp polpette : Interesting. Flavor and texture more reminiscent of Chinese dim sum than any Italian meatball I’ve ever tasted, but good.
Roasted Baby Artichoke Salad : Good. Great quality and presentation. Not exactly thrilling, but pleasant.
Veal Meatballs : Very good. That "truffle pecorino" is delicious.
Cortecce with baby octopus… : Outstanding. Sooo goood…
Casarecce with sausage and broccoli rabe… : Superb. Now leave me alone, I’m licking the plate.
What did you like?
The food was exceptional.
What did you dislike?
Umm, the aura?
What was your last impression?
Ssssshhh, be veh-wee veh-wee quiet…
Would you come back?
Hmm.
Food plus Wine minus Ambience divided by Location multiplied by Pretension to the fourth power over the square root of Stratis Morfogen…
Maybe.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, but uhh— ya coulda fooled me.
Rodney Strong Estate Vineyards 2007 Cabernet Sauvignon – Alexander Valley, Sonoma
Cost: $40/bottle (restaurant retail)
I happened to stumble across this Rodney Strong Cabernet, and it was fairly good. Aromas of toasted vanilla bean blended with sweet oak; a slight hint of confectionary sugar sprinkled over black currants and anise is a nice touch. In the mouth, medium-bodied and silky smooth, with plenty of consistent flavor to back it up. They did a great job for this label in 2007; this bottle probably retails for about $20 at your local wine shop, and it’s a particularly good value for this Alexander Valley cabernet.
Rating: 88
The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Wow, the obstacles a person has to go overcome— just to tell the truth.
OK, comparatively, I know it’s not remotely the same level/degree of importance/urgency, but the main things I liked about PX This so much were its honesty and courage. (And, of course, that I could relate to it so well, personally.)
If you don’t yet know all the details of the world’s "preemninent whistleblower" and/or the subsequent landmark Supreme Court case that firmly solidified the rights of Free Speech over even the most powerful government on the planet, watch The Most Dangerous Man in America.
And then seriously ask yourself: why is it anyone should suffer disparagement just for being veracious and principled?
FREELANCE WRITER WANTED
I am searching for a freelance writer to help with some research for my upcoming second book, PX Me – The Sequel to PX This (How I Became a Published Author, Got "Micro-Famous," and Married a Millionaire).
And I gotta tell ya— it’s not exactly been the easiest feat.
I thought I finally found somebody; I’d been following this recent viral/internet-meme whatever story, maybe you’ve heard of it? The one about the Apple Pie Plagiarist (faaascinating). I’d stumbled upon this one writer/blogger, and I was so impressed with how diligently he covered multiple aspects of the account that I was practically elated when I discovered he’s a writer-for-hire as well.
(I mean, if it were me covering that story for example, I probably would have simply reported that alleged plagiarist woman in East Bumheck Wherever "is a total moron" and left it at that.)
In any case, it didn’t work out. And I have neither the time, energy, nor inclination to go through all this rigmarole again an indefinite number of times. So please, read the following e-mail exchange for a precise summary of my requirements.
If, unlike the aforementioned scribe, you do not maintain such puritanical standards as wanting to write only about "recent news," and/or you possess a tad more coherence, feel free to forward your pay requirements to me at: px.this@gmail.com
(Any proposals on how you think you might uniquely tackle this challenge are welcome as well.)
from: px this <px.this@gmail.com>
to: ed@edrants.com
date: Tue, Nov 9, 2010 at 12:58 PM
subject: Apple Pie Plagiarism and… hiring you for my wedding?
Just kidding about the wedding.
Hi Edward Champion,
To make a kinda interminable story long, I found you through the whole Apple Pie Plagiarist saga.
FASCINATING.
Okay yah, I’m being a wee bit sarcastic. Although I loved some of the comments your article elicited (as well as your article, obviously). It really rankled my nerves all right.
In any case, I was wondering what you would charge to do some light investigative reporting for me (regarding a somewhat similar situation)? I am currently writing my second book, and intend to use whatever information is discovered therein. I imagine the work would entail, at the very least, a few inquisitive phone calls and/or perhaps e-mails. I would not require a lengthy, exhaustive, profound, and/or florid literary piece, but wholeheartedly welcome your opinions/commentary as well as the answers to my burrrning questions.
Please forgive me for not taking the time to summarize my situation for you personally, but I’m just… really really tired of summarizing my situation.
A general overview of my predicament is here –> http://www.pxthis.com/2010/06/greatest-hits-theforumpx-this-2/
Information about my book is here –> http://www.pxthis.com/thebook/
The answers I’d like for you to try and find are:
1) How did the article in question (see first hyperlink please. sorry!) make it into The New York Times
2) Why exactly did former Gawker managing editor (current The Awl managing editor) Choire Sicha behave in such a manner?
3) How would Gawker (currently) justify their overall treatment of me?
4) How did the article in question come to be included in The Kings of Non-Fiction?
5) Is Coco Henson Scales really as stupid as I think she is?
I’m pretty new at this [writer-hiring stuff], so please try and bear with my bluntness. I would be happy to answer any/all questions you have.
Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you irrespective of your decision.
Warm regards,
abbe diaz
http://pxthis.com
from: Edward Champion <ed@edrants.com>
to: px this <px.this@gmail.com>
date: Tue, Nov 9, 2010 at 1:26 PM
subject: Re: Apple Pie Plagiarism and…hiring you for my wedding?
Abbe:
Thanks for your email. I’ve taken a quick look at this, and I don’t really feel that there’s much here that would warrant an intensive investigation. For one thing, this concerns events that transpired six years ago. I am more interested in recent news. Second, Choire’s Gawker post (http://gawker.com/017472/hotspot-hostess-tells-all) does contain the following proviso: "Of course, we’re a little concerned that Coco is totally without Google results. That’s a little odd, right? Suggestive of a pseudonym?" The update is reported from "a fairly reliable source," but does not necessarily negate Choire’s skepticism. Third, there isn’t any apparent evidence to suggest that the article would be placed within the New York Times due to Frank Bruni’s influence. And the specious connection between some sleazy probing or confirmation into Choire’s private life and whether that would have any bearing on his unwillingness to offer another update (when he presents himself legitimately in the clear by offering the initial skepticism) rings more of sleazy tabloid journalism than anything hard and substantial.
In short, this isn’t my line. But I do wish you the best of luck in your pursuits.
All best,
Ed
from: px this <px.this@gmail.com>
to: Edward Champion <ed@edrants.com>
date: Tue, Nov 9, 2010 at 3:05 PM
subject: Re: Apple Pie Plagiarism and…hiring you for my wedding?
Thanks for your prompt response, Edward Champion.
However, I did just want to clarify (if by some chance you might reconsider):
1) Yes, these are events that transpired 6 years ago. However, a portion of my upcoming book is dedicated to the topics of how my diary became published and how I "Got Micro-Famous." So those events as they transpired are a necessary addition to that book.
2) Oh yes, I’m fully aware of Choire Sicha’s "proviso." I’m not questioning why he suggested/exalted the article. I’m questioning why he failed to publicly acknowledge in any way the existence of an entire book (released just weeks prior to that article) addressing the same topic as the story on his "required reading syllabus." Again, his answer is something that needs to be included in my (rather timely, if I dare say) dissertation about Publishing, Marketing, Advertising, and PR in general. (I would also require a definition of his terminology, "The People’s Hero.")
Included therein should also be Gawker’s justification of their refusal to update/retract an erroneous article they wrote about me, despite their hypothesis having been disproved by New York magazine.
(Similarly, I would like an official explanation of Gawker’s banning of my commenting privileges, despite it being contrary to their rules regarding any of their subjects.)
3) I was not asking for you to delve into Sicha’s private life. The information I seek is how, and under what circumstances, the semi-fictional article came to appear in The New York Times as a non-fictional essay and then included in The Kings of Non-Fiction. Period.
4) I would hardly have thought this required "intensive investigation." I sincerely thought it would require 2 or 3 phone calls (and/or e-mails) at best.
Frankly, I don’t see how my perfectly legitimate questions can be mistaken for "sleazy tabloid journalism."
Thank you,
-abbe diaz
p.s. I actually don’t really expect you to change your mind, so you needn’t respond if it doesn’t suit you. Thanks again.
** UPDATED **
I thought I finally found somebody… In any case, it didn’t work out. And I have neither the time, energy, nor inclination to go through all this rigmarole again an indefinite number of times. So please, read the following e-mail exchange for a precise summary of my requirements.
If, unlike the hereunder scribe, you do not possess a bizarrely fickle disposition as to accept an assignment only to be NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN following the response to your simple inquiries, please feel free to forward your solicitation and/or examples of your work to me at: px.this@gmail.com
(Any proposals on how you think you might uniquely tackle this challenge are welcome as well.)
from: Harmon Leon
to: px.this@gmail.com
date: Friday, Nov 12, 2010 at 6:15 PM
subject: Freelance Writer Wanted (NYC)
I’ve written for Esquire, Salon, Wired, Maxim, Gawker, Details, National Geographic, and a host of other fine publications. You can read my columns on the Huffington Post, at the S.F. Chronicle, and on AOL’s Asylum.
I’m also the author of 6 books.
My video/TV producing credits includes Current TV, Strike TV, Fox Family Channel, National Lampoon, FX, and VH1.
I also works with Lotus PR covering the North American/European Poker Tours and promoting PokerStars.com. My specialty is writing/web producing. Your job position sounds great. When can I start?
Best,
Harmon Leon
BLOGS: Huffington Post – huffingtonpost.com/harmon-leon ; AOL Asylum – asylum.com/bloggers/harmon-leon/ ; SF Chronicle – sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/hleon/index ; AOL Real Estate – rentedspaces.com/bloggers/harmon-leon
from: px this px.this@gmail.com
to: Harmon Leon
date: Saturday, Nov 13, 2010 at 3:41 PM
subject: Re: Freelance Writer Wanted (NYC)
Monday?
Nice work, Harmon Leon.
PEA SOUP. I have no words…
But, before you start Monday, you might want to consider these things first:
– I’m offering 10 cents per word, 2000 words maximum. Bonus up to DOUBLE for any particularly substantial and/or additional pertinent information discovered.
– How do you think you might handle your inquiries to Gawker? Seeing as I pretty much expect them to: a) hang up on you if you phone, b) refuse to answer your e-mails, c) lie, and deny knowing/remembering anything about me.
– Do you actually think you can elicit information form The New York Times? It’s a serious question. I’ve never tried calling a big scary important newspaper before, do they take inquiries from random strangers off the street?
– How do you think you might handle your inquiries to The Awl managing editor Choire Sicha? Seeing as I pretty much expect him to: a) hang up on you if you phone, b) refuse to answer your e-mails, c) lie, and deny knowing/remembering anything about me.
– How difficult do you think it will be to find/contact Coco Henson Scales? And if you somehow manage that, how do you expect to determine if she is indeed as stupid as I think she is? Give her a Mensa test? Hand her a bag of M&M’s and tell her to pick out the W’s?
I knooow, it’s a lot to consider. By my calculations, an article consisting of: "They said, ‘No Comment.’" is only going to earn you about 40 cents.
I really really truly welcome any/all brilliantly bright ideas you can muster.
Crossing my fingers you got some and we can work together,
-abbe
p.s. Why do all blogger journo-media whatever dudes sign off all their correspondence with "Best,"? By my personal experience, it’s such a crock of shit.
p.p.s. I have been telling people for decades not to buy into that sunscreen SPF garbage. Those bastards.
from: Harmon Leon harmonleonsf@gmail.com
to: px this <px.this@gmail.com>
date: Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 11:21 AM
subject: Re: Freelance Writer Wanted (NYC)
Hi Abbe-
Good to hear from you. I’m sure all of the below could be managed. What exactly are you looking
for in terms of content?
Harmon
from: px this px.this@gmail.com
to: Harmon Leon <harmonleonsf@gmail.com>
date: Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 2:41 PM
subject: Re: Freelance Writer Wanted (NYC)
Do your best to answer my questions, but be yourself. I welcome your opinions and commentary.
What I’d like to see is you describing the process by which you attempt to garner this information, what you’re thinking while you delve into whatever background you decide you need to digest in order to tackle this stuff, your personal account while it’s all happening, and of course, the answers to all my questions as best as you can determine.
If, at any time, you pick up on anything shady [ahahahahaa *snort* ahem sorry, reflex reaction] I want to hear allll about it.
You can definitely feel free to bring the funny. But, seeing as you would be credited in the final novel, try not to be funnier than me.
Just kidding. (Since I’m just going to edit/steal anything anything of yours that’s funnier than mine anyway. Kidding again.)
I sorta anticipate that when you contact Gawker, they will blame everything that occurred on the people directly responsible, namely–
- former managing editor, Choire Sicha (currently with The Awl)
- (next) former managing editor, Gabriel Snyder (currently with Newsweek online?)
- former full-time blogger, Joshua David Stein (freelancer?)
– none of whom are currently employed by Gawker any longer. In which case, I would still like some kind of explanation as to why they think everything transpired in the way it did, as "officially" as they can muster, or whatever their justification is…
but I would also like you try and contact those three people directly.
It’s too bad you’re on the wrong coast. I would have liked to see you try to conduct the inquiries in person, at Gawker HQ, dressed in drag.
There are other things I expect they may all use as excuses for their behavior. They will be lying. So you would need to briefed on all that first, unless you have some kind of insatiable voracity for this subject— in which case, you can feel free to go wading through pages and pages and more pages of my book (I could send you a full PDF), website, and discussion board "forum," to arm yourself against their glaringly unscrupulous bullshit.
Does all this with an early February 2011 deadline sound doable?
Thank you,
-abbe
Yeah, this is the point where I never heard from him again.
And please, don’t even get me started on the third writer I tried to hire, which was a long and arduous teeth-pulling nine-week process of payment negotiations and waiting while he dealt with family issues until I finally just gave up. DON’T DO THAT.
Compensation: $1000.00
All research inquiries during the execution of this job MUST BE VIDEOTAPED.
(Webcam and/or low-def OK; you MAY crop out your head/face if desired.)
ANY SUBMISSIONS ON SPEC ARE AT YOUR OWN RISK. However, I must admit that receiving a complete, exhaustive-yet-concise, well-written, humorous, qualifying essay while still in the midst of poring through an extensive list of potential candidates— wouldn’t be such a bad thing and pretty darned expedient. [i.e., If I like it, I'll pay.]
More information at: pxthis.com
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
Oh sure, now you’re happy to see me. That’s pretty funny, considering it seems that usually I can’t get past the doorman at Hotel Griffou.
(Hee, kidding!) (But not really.)
Please rate the Bar:
It’s nice. Cute bartenders.
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Outstanding. Really. (But they effin better be, at these prices! Holy cow.)
Please rate the Dining Room:
N/A. But the "lounge" area is nice, albeit small. Great view.
Please rate the BOH:
N/A again. (But on a semi-related note, I did try out the new chef at Hotel Griffou the other day. And I must say the food was very good.)
How was the staff?
Excellent. Everybody from the bellhops to the doorman (who’s apparently "not really a doorman doorman," in case you were wondering) to the cocktails waitresses were unbelievably gracious. Very impressive.
What did you eat?/ How was the food were the drinks?
White Russian something : Delicious.
Oh shoot, what was the other one? Tequila with fresh coconut milk something or other : OMG, so gooood.
What did you like?
Well, let’s be totally honest here. I love Johnny Swet and Larry Poston (yah, even when I can’t get in their fucking restaurant). Oh, and that David Rabin dude is okay too.
What did you dislike?
Nothing! No, really.
What was your last impression?
Did that nice security guy seriously run over here just to open the door for me? Crazy.
Would you come back?
Yup.
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thank you! Love ya!
Yay! It’s finally here! It’s here, it’s here! Yay! Hooray!
Go, Heikki Sorsa!
* * * * *
See also:
• Homegirl Meets Coolest Dude Ever
• SPOTTED: [Volume 15]
PX This presents THE F&F REVIEW
Hey, sorry we couldn’t make it to "Friends&Family," we were out of town/ had to work/ not invited. We’re really glad we finally managed to come by, though— it’s so nice to see you!
What’s that? You would still like us to take the time to fill out the F&F survey, because you’d love to take advantage of all our vast experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise as long as we’re already here? Because you invited 75 people to F&F, and afterward all you got was 41 "Congrats[es]!" 22 "Awesome[s]!" 3 "Ciao[s]!" and 9 "Best of luck[s]!" ?
Of course, we’d be honored. Oh ha, yesss, we’ll be honest— brutally honest even, ha ha! After all, that’s what friends & family are for!
No no please, don’t send anything more, we’re stuffed, we can’t breathe, you’ll have to roll us out of here, ha ha ha… !
What was your first impression?
OK frankly, it was Pichet Ong who first told us of this place. So that piqued our curiosity. Unfortunately, after a wee bit more scrutiny, we realized we simply don’t have the motivation to bust out the GPS and make the trek alls the way over to the Lower East Side for this. (Just not our thing, sorry!)
So thank goodness we found somebody percipient enough to fill-in for us! Hooray! Take it awaaay, GastroChic!
Please rate the Bar:
Oh. Hmm. Well… you can see a corner of it in the photograph! Looook, hipsters! Or… something. Yay!
Please rate the drinks/ cocktails/ wine:
Whoops— not much of a drinker here, but: "…Fortunately, the Fat Radish serves a good Pinot Noir – even if it is biodynamic."
[Yeah, you didn't need that martini anyways; weren't you thinking of starting your liver-cleanse right about now? So, let's just move it along...]
Please rate the Dining Room:
"[An] important consideration for fashion people when selecting a restaurant is that other fashion people dine there. Otherwise, one may be in the wrong sort of place, or worse, a place that no one cares about. Thus, my friend and I were immediately put at ease by the crowd of models, dandies, and fashionably dressed women with artfully disheveled hair that had flocked to this new restaurant on the border of the middle of nowhere. Ecru-washed, perfectly distressed brick walls formed the basis of an urban rustic interior with communal tables, leaded glass windows and a roomy bar area. Everyone looked fabulous in the candlelight."
Please rate the BOH:
"[This is] a restaurant endorsed by fashion people and vegetarians, [but] I was not going to leave hungry, as at horrid Zen Palate on Union Square, which, in a twist of fate that could only be its rightfully deserved karma, became a TGI Friday’s… There’s nary a pig’s foot in sight. Instead the array of greens and legumes on the menu speaks to the fact that that the Brits were into this organic, locally-sourced thing way before we were. Look at Prince Charles and his cute little vegetable garden!"
How was the staff?
"When fashion people heartily endorse a restaurant, one’s suspicions are immediately aroused… Owned by the people behind Silkstone, a catering company that caters largely to – surprise! – the fashion industry…" [Ah ha. So the staff is fabulous, got it. And clearly they didn't suck, so... good.]
What did you eat?/ How was the food?
Duck Rillette (Special) : "… a paté of shredded duck served with toasts, onion jam and whole grain mustard… slightly gamey, gratifyingly chewy."
Raw Vegetables in Olive Tapenade (Amuse Bouche) : "Calorie count; approximately -6"
Cauliflower Salad with Curried Yogurt Dressing : "… like inspired vegetarian restaurant Dirt Candy [without] the butter… part-raw, part-roasted… Just tasting it made me feel like Gwyneth Paltrow on a really fat day."
Monkfish Vindaloo : "looked intriguing, and indeed, it was a classic Indian dish that had been tricked into being good for you. Fat Radish’s version has all the heady spice of the original, but without any of the oil in actual Indian food. What you lose in the bargain, however, is the binding agent that pulls all the flavors together. The choice of proteins was apt, since monkfish is one of the few fish strong enough to stand up to vindaloo’s pungency. Nubbly whole grain rice added nutty flavor, texture and the satisfying sensation of actually eating carbs. The other accoutrements were severely lacking, however: stale pita toasts and thick, gummy yogurt raita."
Day Boat Scallops : "Their natural sweetness was enhanced by the bed of pureed squash underneath, offset by the bracing healthfulness of beet greens. Though I can’t be sure, I detected a note of actual butter on their pan-seared exterior… [But] a straight male on a date here would probably throw himself towards the life preservers of the large burgers circulating around the room, which I looked after longingly as they headed to other tables."
Beet Root Chocoalte Cake : "begs the question: is it really necessary to put pureed beet root in chocolate cake? Though certainly sweet, the cake had as much beet taste as it did chocolate, two tastes that do not go great together. This is the Jessica Seinfeld school of cooking, like sneaking spinach into a milkshake. And like the toddlers that are her intended target, I resented it."
What did you like?
"Rest assured, the “fat” in name is merely playful, so you can still wear your skinny jeans here."
What did you dislike?
"… as everyone knows, there is no fashion without pain. Just as you must endure the pinch of stilettos through a whole night of posh parties, you must suffer through the virtue of fastidious plates of vegetables to arrive at the farm-to-table freshness of the Fat Radish."
What was your last impression?
"As the plates of carrots land at tables of models, just make sure you always order the fattiest thing on the menu – skinny jeans be damned."
Would you come back?
? ? ?
Thank you, and hope to see you soon!
Thanks, and have a good night!
GREATEST HITS: PX This [The Blahg]
Hi! Thank you for your "search"!
This website is currently undergoing changes as it continually progresses, so the entry for which you are seeking has likely been archived within "The Greatest Hits – PX This [The Blahg]". It was removed from its original location in preparation for the upcoming release of PX Me -The Sequel to PX This. If you would like more information and/or further clarification on this particular narrative, please read PX This – The Revised Edition and/or PX Me (coming soon).
And so without further ado— by popular (search engine) demand, we proudly present THE GREATEST HITS of PX This [The Blahg]
[*** warning: Eats, Shoots and Ladders Leaves freaks, please CLICK HERE* and HERE before reading any further. then take that favorite book of yours and stick it up your ass. thank you! ***]
"Nick Denton vs Leigh Haber"
thu 01.18.07: oh my gawd last night is without a doubt going down in my own little personal history as one of the FUNNEST nights i have had (or will have) ever in my whole fucking lifetime
eeheeheheee haha hahaaa check this shit out:
yah so last night was dinner at WaverlyInn. i invited leigh-haber to join me for a nice evening out because i was having a really shitty week and i totally deserved a respite (and i wanted to celebrate leigh-haber’s Modern Times).
anyways
somewhere amidst the bottle of Montagny and the fantastic conversation and the massive pot pies and the jon-bon.jovis and karolina-kurkovas and andre-harrells and graydon-carters and brian-mcnallies and eric-goodes and sante-d’orazios and sean-macphersons and jimmy-mccaffreys etc etc etc i tap leigh-haber on the elbow and declare, "hey look it’s nick-denton."
leigh-haber takes one glimpse at nick-denton and responds, "oh. hmm. should i say something?" and before i even have a chance to completely execute my shrug, leigh-haber is out of her seat and across the room ohmygoodness i was so fucking proud of her she’s like totally my hero.
apparently leigh-haber said to nick-denton [right there in front of his entire dinner party-of-six GO GIRL]: "ya know, last week i was promoted (because i worked my ass off and i’m finally getting some dues) and it should have been a nice day for me, but instead of feeling good about it, i had to feel miserable, because i was both promoted and eviscerated on the very same day, by a bunch of people who have absolutely no inkling who i am."
[or something like that, i admit i'm paraphrasing but i know the word "eviscerate" was definitely in there.]
nick-denton then evidently replied: "i didn’t see the item."
so then leigh-haber retorted something like: "well as the owner of Gawker, i believe you bear a certain level of responsibility."
nick-denton conceded.
and then leigh-haber came back to the table and i was positively BEAMING for her no joke i was totally the [hot. smokin] freaky asian chick GLOWING in the corner.
a little whiles later, as we were strolling out of the restaurant, theWaverly higher-powers decided they wanted to buy us a round of drinks [because i am so fucking fierce like that], they insisssted we sit down again at a front bar table and enjoy a cordial or digestif. so leigh-haber and i accepted, we got nice and cozy in the corner by the fireplace and let them kiss our fucking rings.
so then of course leigh-haber and i were afforded a lovely view of nick-denton leaving after dinner, but pausing for a minute (after a quick glance thrown our way) to tap at his Blackberry(?)Treo(?)Sidekick(?)whatever.
i turn to leigh-haber and i guffaw: "look, maybe nick-denton is texting his editor about you right now aahahahahaahaa"
and then nick-denton was out the door.
so then leigh-haber and i sat for a while and enjoyed our drinks and the sparkling witty banter of The Little Dog Laughed‘s douglas-carter.beane (who just happened to be seated next table over) and right as leigh-haber was lamenting that perhaps being called "the next judith-regan" wasn’t "exactly the best compliment"—
GUESS who walked into the restaurant.
judith fucking regan i SWEAR TO GAWD. ha ha hah hahhahh ahahahhahahaa you think i can make this shit up, i can’t.
so. today i just want to extend a really warm and heartfelt thank you to leigh-haber. for making my evening just the bestest night ever.
and also to say i’m sorry, but i just couldn’t resist.
even though leigh-haber sent me a gracious and lovely e-mail this morning asking me to please not comment on our night out together on my silly little blahggety blahg thingie—
sweetie you’re smoking crack there was NO WAY IN HELLS i was going to keep this one to myself.
ANYHOO
the other thing for which i wanted to thank leigh-haber (and i bet she doesn’t even realize this) is that last night she really opened my eyes and helped me with something of a little internal dilemma.
see, i have been sorta struggling with this here blahg thingie lately. it just so happens i am lucky enough to have been offered a couple of small investments from some very nice (and apparently brilliant, with astoundingly remarkable foresight) peoples who, for some reason, think possibly there is some $$ to be made here somehow (selling ads or some shit). but
i have been ruminating to myself just HOW in gawd’s name will this be possible— i mean
do this EVERY DAY? how could i possibly, i’m not that fucking interesting.
and so lately, my inner turmoil has been:
should i use the mountains and mountains and mountains of nightlife industry "insider" 411
[ahahaa scratch that. 411? bitch please, i got Google all up in this mutherfukker. no joke]
that is fed and spread to me incessantly— the kind of stuffs i think other interweb bloogie thingies would kill for—
[like for example how Morandi is set to open like any millisecond now but already there's a shade of drama in the kitchen, i can't wait to see how that shit plays out... and how BoweryHotel is lookin gooood... and how LafayetteInn is looking even better, and all their "pre-opening" guests are faaabooolous... and how ChinatownBrasserie had better make that dimsum shit work, boy... and how masaharu-morimoto and stephen-starr just might be beefin with each other and maybe they'll get divorced pretty soon... and how alan-yau is making ian-schrager's life a little bit of hell... and how theCoreClub is ummm maybe not exactly impressing their members so so much... and ya know. stuff like that. oh but i digress.]
—but are told to me unwittingly. in casual conversation. by my friends and acquaintances and "colleagues" and other peoples i love and admire and respect.
i don’t want to be frank-bruni or adam-platt or alan-richman or steve-cuozzo with their frikkin (obnoxious) one-star three-star go-here don’t-go-there they’re-worthy/unworthy let’s-shut-this-fucking-place-down bullshit.
i don’t want to go peeking in the cracks of the plywood trying to expose projects that haven’t even fucking started yet.
i don’t want to go sticking my fat obtrusive face in peoples’ businesses just to say mean things about them, because it’s "funny."
and i definitely don’t want to go clamoring for ugly photographs of "celebrities" [hell, everybody takes a bad photo sometimes yes even someone as totally smokin as me] just so i can make them look stupid and then exploit them.
well
last night with leigh-haber i realized i don’t have to. hells, my life is pretty darned amusing sometimes. and no i’m not a "business," i’m an ARTIST goddammit.
(eeheee geezus, i really can take anything in the universe and make it all about me)
thanks leigh-haber. and thanks to you too BigHomey
:)
*** Gawker’s next-day response to this narrative is here –> “Leigh Haber Takes Her Complaints Straight to the Top” ***
* * * * *
**pictured: Nick Denton, former Gawker blogger Emily Gould
pxthis.com archives
This is an abbreviated version of Abbe Diaz’s diary/blog entry on January 18, 2007, for web archival purposes only. A far more detailed, thorough, and incisive account is to be included in Diaz’s upcoming second book, PX Me – The Sequel to PX This (Coming Soon in the Spring of 2011)
* "…The intellectual community, as usual, showed itself to be timid and divided, and even the most unexpected graphologists engaged in controversies regarding their inconsistent analyses of my handwriting. It was they who divided opinions, overheated the polemic, and made nostalgia popular…. Make no mistake: peaceful madmen are ahead of the future." – Gabriel García Márquez
Two Hands – Angels Share Shiraz 2007 – McLaren Vale, Australia
Cost: $25/bottle (as part of a Vosges Dark Chocolate gift box)
Thick velvety dark opaque purple wine, a rich decadent milkshake-like wine oozing with so much viscosity. Notes of black cherry, chocolate cake, black raspberry, with strong mocha in aroma and flavor. I almost feel guilty drinking this; it’s like dessert in a glass. Dark chocolate morsels made by Vosges are a great accompaniment to this dry red— although granted, I would likely enjoy this particular shiraz with a nice juicy porterhouse steak more. A fine offering made by the folks at Two Hands.
Rating: 90
= "personne extraordinaire"